Dad’s Wake Was Yesterday. I Didn’t Cry.

[ClaraM]

I was the first to walk in the room to see my dad. I cried for a few minutes maybe less than 5 minutes in total. When guests started arriving I no longer cried. The whole time I didn’t cry. I teared up, sure. But I didn’t sob or cry like I expected. Neither did my mom. IS THIS NORMAL? 

 

Funnily enough before I typed this I was crying. I am home alone, it’s 8 in the morning, & as usual I slept next to the place my dad passed away (he died in hospice at home.) So I cried because times like now where I am home alone & it’s quiet is the hardest for me so far. 
 

Why can I cry alone at home but I couldn’t cry at his funeral? I miss him in the funeral just like I miss him at home or when I’m talking to my brother or when I’m out for a car ride. Is it good I  wasn’t a sobbing mess at his funeral? Would that have made my dad feel more at peace to see? I don’t know. Please someone give me their insight.

I have an assumption from my perspective on why I didn’t cry & I’ll share it now. I’ve had this thought in my head for a while. My dad passed recently on January 13. My thought is that although these past days have most certainly been hard, I think the future days where I get my own car, drivers license, husband, own home, travel to my home country after 13 years, etc. THOSE moments. Those are gonna be even tougher than these past couple days in my opinion. Although time has passed by then I’ll still be thinking, “he should be here.” ESPECIALLY for those moments I mentioned because I’ve always expected him to be physically here to see me achieve those moments. That’s how I perceive the future from my current mindset. Another assumption of mine on why I didn’t cry is because at the funeral I was distracted by conversations, noises, other people’s energy, etc. But the hardest moments for me like when I’m home alone & it’s quiet that’s when I start crying.

 

Please someone give me their insight, it would most definitely help. I feel confusion & a little guilt.

[OrangeJeep]

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father as well 10 years ago, and I couldn’t remember if I cried or not during his funeral. I think it’s normal to cry alone, I also cry alone. When I’m with other people, I don’t. It’s just how we cope with things. Everyone cope differently, I believe. The first few days, weeks, months or even year, it still doesn’t feel real. My dad used to go on business trips often so I felt as if he’s on one of those and he’ll come back. From my experience, my grieve continues, but I guess I learned to adapt. There are many milestones that I wish he could witness but I believe he’s watching me proudly up there.

I hope all the best for you, it takes time. Take care.

[Peacebewithyou]

My dad passed a few weeks ago on January 23, 2023.  I too find it a lot easier to cry when I'm by myself.  I didn't cry at the funeral service either, but I have cried many times outside of that including today.  It's OK to cry and to try not to hold things inside that can make us feel even worse.  God Bless you!

[saraiee]

Hi dear

My mother passed away 5 days ago. I cried the very first two days but not after that especially in front of others. I didnt cry much at the funeral. I am the same as you. I also feel guilty. I think I am not grieving and I must be happy that she is gone. I can

just say that I know how much I loved her and miss her but I don't know why I don't cry that much.