My dog drowned in our pool this morning and I feel like it's all my fault.

[randi_12]

My mom came up to me this morning as I was making my breakfast, and she told me that one of our dogs had died earlier. He had fallen into our pool and ended up drowning while we were all asleep. At first I was in complete shock, but then I just broke down. I'm 16, and I had never experienced pet loss before. I didn't know what to do. I saw his lifeless body still in the pool, and I don't think I can ever get that image out of my head. My mom and her boyfriend put him in a black garbage bag, and I think he's going to get cremated.

I blame myself more the longer I think about it. I feel like I could have prevented it. I could have closed up the dog door the night before. I could have stayed up longer, and listened to the other dogs as they were crying in their crate confused. I could have stayed up the whole night. I could have done ANYTHING else instead of sleep, and maybe I could have saved him. I feel lie a murderer. He was out there for so long, he died knowing that nobody was out there to save him. He suffered out there, I should have been more aware. I hate myself for not being there for him.

He was old. His name was Cody, a king charles spaniel. He was almost blind and deaf and was the oldest of 4 dogs we had, 2 of them are puppies. They bullied him every day since they came to live with us. He deserved so much more than I gave to him. I hate myself for not giving him more attention. I can't believe he's gone. Just a few days ago, we were at the vet with him, and they told us he was able to live just a little longer... 

[KayC]

14 hours ago, randi_12 said:

she told me that one of our dogs had died earlier.

What?  So casually mentioned it to you?!  In my household this would be a big deal!  I am so sorry, not a great introduction to grief.  First, I'd never bring other dogs into my household when the one I had was so old and suffering so, it's not fair to them and esp. if the others are bullying him.  I am so sorry this is your example, but tuck this away and do different when you are grown.  I do not see you as the one who should be responsible in this household, I am sorry for your loss but this one is on them and not you. Maybe I'm out of line for saying anything, but it's how I see it.

You had no idea this was going on....the one thing I've come to realize in grief is we don't know what we don't know, until we do and then it's too late.  All we can do is learn from it.  Guilt's one purpose is to call attention to something we need to change (often too late) and once we have taken that bit of knowledge with us for the future, guilt serves no more purpose, it can hurt us if we carry it.

You can rest assured your dog is at peace now..  I am very sorry for your loss.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[randi_12]

3 hours ago, KayC said:

What?  So casually mentioned it to you?!  In my household this would be a big deal!  I am so sorry, not a great introduction to grief.  First, I'd never bring other dogs into my household when the one I had was so old and suffering so, it's not fair to them and esp. if the others are bullying him.  I am so sorry this is your example, but tuck this away and do different when you are grown.  I do not see you as the one who should be responsible in this household, I am sorry for your loss but this one is on them and not you. Maybe I'm out of line for saying anything, but it's how I see it.

You had no idea this was going on....the one thing I've come to realize in grief is we don't know what we don't know, until we do and then it's too late.  All we can do is learn from it.  Guilt's one purpose is to call attention to something we need to change (often too late) and once we have taken that bit of knowledge with us for the future, guilt serves no more purpose, it can hurt us if we carry it.

You can rest assured your dog is at peace now..  I am very sorry for your loss.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

My family isn't one to express feelings very well. We've been through so much together that we're just so tired. My mom and brother are grieving just as much as me, it's just hard to show it. 

The reason we brought them in like that is because my mom bought one for my dad before he left us. Then my brother wanted one so HE bought another one. Now me and my mom have to take care of all of them because my brother doesn't really care all that much and sides with my dad (who's really a horrible person.)

My mom helped me see the positives, because I tend to only focus on the suffering aspect of it. She told me that he was now in a better place, and that he was a great dog. She told me it's okay to grieve but to not make it my fault.

Thank you for your kind words. At this point I just feel empty. I cried so much yesterday that I have nothing left to cry about. I miss him so much, but now he doesn't have to suffer in this world anymore. This was him a year ago. Fly high, Cody. 💔

[KayC]

OMG, this picture...the sweetest little dog!  I'm so sorry @randi_12

[MyDog]

I’m so sorry. One of my dogs died yesterday and he drowned in the pool too. My dad sent me a text that he drowned. I replied is he alive? I was so confused. It just breaks my heart how he died. I worry he suffered. My dog was 15 and I knew he didn’t have long but never expected this to happen. I just wrote my story on another post. I am so sorry for your loss. You can’t live in the coulda, shoulda, woulda it will drive you crazy. You can’t change the past no much how much you’d like to. Try to do something to honor your dog’s memory. 
 

im going to write a story about my dog’s life. Make a photo book on Shutterfly with pictures of him. Get a photo necklace made for my daughter and a garden stone for him. 

[foreverhis]

@randi_12  What a sweet face he has.  There's definitely comfort in having faith that the Rainbow Bridge exists, even though I'm convinced it's not exactly how we imagine it.  My husband and I were no longer part of the religion and denominations in which we were raised, but we did always keep a universal faith that there is so much our human minds cannot see or understand about this mysterious universe of ours.  We have faith that there is something more, something beyond this life, and that it is wonderful.  And so it gives me comfort to believe that our two most special companion animals were waiting for my beloved husband at the Rainbow Bridge where they were reunited in joy and love.

But none of that diminishes the grief and pain you are feeling now.  Guilt is a nasty companion in early grief and I'm relieved to hear that your mom has talked to you about that.  You are not to blame, though I understand it will haunt you for quite some time.  The thing I hope you will remember is the many years of love, joy, and fun you gave each other.  When you can, keep that uppermost in your heart.

You are not alone.

@MyDog  I'm sorry you are faced with such a similar loss.  How hard it must have been to hear it by text.  But then, there's really no "good" way to find out, is there?

I think the things you are planning to do are excellent ways of honoring his life and love.  And clearly you are concerned for your daughter's well being as well.  Those are tangible ways of honoring him that will likely help her on her own grief journey.

You also are not alone.

[randi_12]

9 hours ago, MyDog said:

I’m so sorry. One of my dogs died yesterday and he drowned in the pool too. My dad sent me a text that he drowned. I replied is he alive? I was so confused. It just breaks my heart how he died. I worry he suffered. My dog was 15 and I knew he didn’t have long but never expected this to happen. I just wrote my story on another post. I am so sorry for your loss. You can’t live in the coulda, shoulda, woulda it will drive you crazy. You can’t change the past no much how much you’d like to. Try to do something to honor your dog’s memory. 
 

im going to write a story about my dog’s life. Make a photo book on Shutterfly with pictures of him. Get a photo necklace made for my daughter and a garden stone for him. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. 😞 As much as it sucks, I guess we have to learn to accept it. I was already scared of the possibility of him dying, but I didn't think it would come so sudden, it makes me feel worse. 

However, knowing that there are other people here who've experienced the same thing is comforting in a way. This isn't very helpful to my depression (which I've had since I was 14), but it is something that I needed to experience one way or another.

Thank you for replying, and again I'm so sorry this also happened to you. 💔

[randi_12]

19 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

@randi_12  What a sweet face he has.  There's definitely comfort in having faith that the Rainbow Bridge exists, even though I'm convinced it's not exactly how we imagine it.  My husband and I were no longer part of the religion and denominations in which we were raised, but we did always keep a universal faith that there is so much our human minds cannot see or understand about this mysterious universe of ours.  We have faith that there is something more, something beyond this life, and that it is wonderful.  And so it gives me comfort to believe that our two most special companion animals were waiting for my beloved husband at the Rainbow Bridge where they were reunited in joy and love.

But none of that diminishes the grief and pain you are feeling now.  Guilt is a nasty companion in early grief and I'm relieved to hear that your mom has talked to you about that.  You are not to blame, though I understand it will haunt you for quite some.  The thing I hope you will remember is the many years of love, joy, and fun you gave each other.  When you can, keep that uppermost in your heart.

You are not alone.

@MyDog  I'm sorry you are faced with such a similar loss.  How hard it must have been to hear it by text.  But then, there's really no "good" way to find out, is there?

I think the things you are planning to do are excellent ways of honoring his life and love.  And clearly you are concerned for your daughter's well being as well.  Those are tangible ways of honoring him that will likely help her on her own grief journey.

You also are not alone.

I understand where you're coming from. I've never been one to understand the possibility of a higher being, but if there is one, I'd like to think that my dog is now safe and happy and can do anything he wants up there with them. It'll take time to heal, but I'm sure we'll be able to handle it somehow.

Thank you for your kind words. Take care. ❤️

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, I will go read your post.  I'm glad you'll write about him, that helped me greatly, it was so important to immortalize him!

 

[MyDog]

14 hours ago, randi_12 said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. 😞 As much as it sucks, I guess we have to learn to accept it. I was already scared of the possibility of him dying, but I didn't think it would come so sudden, it makes me feel worse. 

However, knowing that there are other people here who've experienced the same thing is comforting in a way. This isn't very helpful to my depression (which I've had since I was 14), but it is something that I needed to experience one way or another.

Thank you for replying, and again I'm so sorry this also happened to you. 💔

Your words feel like my words. We feel the same and experienced the same. I’ve had 4 miscarriages and what really helped me was talking to people who experienced the same thing. It really helped because no one can understand how you feel unless they’ve been through it. That also applies here. No one can understand the pain of losing a pet in a tragic accident unless you’ve been through it. It’s a club I never wanted to be a part of but now I am here. I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain is just heartbreaking. It’s haunting and consuming me. I’m just so sad for the pain he was in. The loneliness he had. I wish I had been there to save him or even just help him. It reminds me of when my mom passed away in hospice. My dad didn’t tell us until after she passed. I was sad I wasn’t there to help her she experienced a lot of pain. She didn’t have a peaceful passing either. Maybe it’s better I wasn’t there but both haunt me. I wish I could have been there for Buddy. He deserved a peaceful death.