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Lost feeling like I’m at a breaking point


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I lost my sister (cousin) on Sept 26,2022. This was the worst day ever! We talked all day everyday about everything and she is my longest closest friend. We don’t know the cause of death yet, it’s still pending but my life has had such and important person taken and I am unsure how to feel the void. We talked about everything all day and now I’m alone and I think it’s nobody who can replace her because I would have to catch them up and it’s too much. I don’t want to replace her, I want her back. I tried to use a coloring app to help my mind but it’s not working no more and I don’t know what to do.

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Hi Kat,


I am v sorry about your loss, the beginning is the hardest part of the journey and if you dont have any experience with death (im 23 brother commited suicide 2 years ago), then I would highly recommend "I wasn't ready to say goodbye" - Brook Noel. It provides some guidelines for the first few weeks and alot of other good stuff that can hopefully provide some light in the darkness. I would also recommend checking out any support groups near you but go at ur own pace and its totally cool to not feel up to it, lord knows I was not and for the past 2 yrs mostly been smoking things away but it never lasts. Truly, the only recourse I have found through the yrs is endurance, reconcilliation w urself and acknowledgment ("What we call the beginning is often the end."), this will be a tough time its a period of death and of your rebirth as a new individual who was touched by death first hand. I wish you or anyone else in the world never experienced any of the sadness, horror, fear or grief that will accompany a loss but know that It will get better, 2 yrs into the process I am a very different person but I am slowly growing to love myself once again. Its a hard journey Kat but u took a v good step with the board and reaching out even if its a shot in the dark, there are people out there that can help you and if you need a friend to talk to, feel free to dm me as well. 

One of my bros fav quotes: "The world turns aside to let any man pass who knows where he is going." -Epictetus, may you forever be smiling in heaven: S.

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