A Little Nervous

[foreverhis]

Hello friends.  Well, I'm doing it.  I'm going to our local Animal Services Shelter (no kill) to meet a 12 year old gray and white cat tomorrow.  I was there last week for a tour with my yoga friend group because our instructor (aka Raleigh's mom and my dear friend) volunteers there.  They just moved into a new fantastic shelter, actually seven or eight buildings, indoor and outdoor play areas, common rooms for various types of animals to be socialized and live while they wait for their forever homes, individual kennels for cats who need to be separate (two sides:  one potty room and one sleep and play room), individual kennels for large and small dogs where each has an outdoor and indoor area, isolation/health ward, meet-and-greet rooms, corral, secure chicken coop and yard, separate laundry rooms and kitchen, and more.  We're semi-rural, so they often have chickens, rabbits, and even horses brought in.  It was financed by multiple communities, the county, and donations large and small.  The old shelter was just that:  Old and falling apart.

Anyway, while I was there, I met this incredibly sweet 8 month old long-haired brown tabby girl who had been surrendered by her owner. She climbed up and fell asleep on me.  Sigh.  I gave it some thought and told my friend that if she hadn't found a home by the first of January, I would come in and see her again.  She's an adorable, calm, somewhat playful (not wild) kitten, so I suspect she will have no trouble finding a home

I went to the website on Friday to see her listing.  While there, I found this second girl.  My friend is finding out as much history as possible about her for me.  Yesterday, she contacted one of the weekend volunteers and asked her to check out the gray and white.  She sent back a report that she is sociable, climbed up, liked petting, and was very engaged.  And she sent pictures.  I've always had tabbies and her little face and head have subtle gray tabby markings.  I decided to meet her and see how we do because older animals have a much harder time finding homes.  We'll see how it goes and if she thinks I could be her human.  I'd have to spend a few days getting the house ready, but I'm up for that.

I had a "talk" with Raleigh yesterday while we were snuggling.  I told her that her times would still be 100% her time even if I brought another cat into her life.  When my sister and BIL used to visit with her first dog after our Charlie died, our cat Penny would spend the time in the "wonderland" that is our oversize master bedroom.  It has a reading nook, plenty of places to nap, room to run and play, and big windows for bird watching.  I've already told my friend that any cat who comes home with me must be okay with small dogs. Indifference is fine as long as there's no aggression.  Raleigh is my number one consideration.  Even though she's not actually mine, she is "mine." I'm her Dogmother, along with being Catmother to her young feline sisters.

I will check in tomorrow night and let you know how it goes.

[April Ballou]

That's good.  I want a dog myself.  I'm having some financial problems right now but after the holidays I'm gonna go to a shelter and get myself a dog.  

[foreverhis]

April, that will be wonderful.  I have partly held off because of financial concerns.  A pet of any kind adds expenses, but I figured I can make it work.  I can do without something else to have a full time animal companion.  I adore Raleigh and she has made my life bearable through the pandemic and grieving.  She's lived with cats her whole life, so I know she'll be fine that there's a cat in the house when we have our two-three times a week visits.  But I'm still going to keep them separated because those hours belong to Raleigh and I don't want to share them or have her have to share them.  She lives with two cats now who are adorable, but young and very active,  Raleigh is 12 and sometimes looks at them like, "You kids are bothering me."  She has the best human parents in the world and spends one-on-one time with both of them.  But coming here is her "Auntie Annie" fun time where it's all about her.  We both treasure that and I know whatever cat I do adopt will be fine upstairs for a few hours while I focus on her.

Fingers crossed that you and I both find just the right animal companions.

[KayC]

8 hours ago, April Ballou said:

after the holidays I'm gonna go to a shelter and get myself a dog

Some of the shelters are offering huge discounts ($10/adoption fee including shots, neuter/spaying, etc.) you might not want to wait!

Annie, hoping this works out well for you!

[Ronni_W]

Dear foreverhis,

I've kind-of-mostly read all of the posts/words in this thread. What I wanted to offer, for what it's worth, is that you seem to have really considered all angles. and not just coming from only your heart or only your mind -- which, I think, makes for the very best cat and dog (and parakeet, goldfish, rabbit, etc.) stewards and custodians.

That is to say. I also thought about "getting" a dog...but soon enough realized that for me that was just a selfish thing; and, on top, at the miinute in this transitional phase of my life, I'm still too "selfish" (towards household pets) to be an actual good and nice custodian/steward/caretaker of a pet. (I've read that it was the same or similar during Covid-19 lock-downs...people willy-nilly took up household animals that, as soon as lock-down restrictions were relaxed, the people then realized they didn't really want or need or even like the responsibility to properly care for the animals.) But...this doesn't sound your situation. You've considered everything ahead of time, so you're far more likely to make a really 'good and nice' decision about it.   (If any of what I just typed makes any sense to you?)

Wishing you all the very best and highest, when you go to make your final decisions and choices as related to this topic.Looking forward to hearing about it, and to seeing a pic (or two), if it comes to that. 🙂.   Ronni

[foreverhis]

Hi again.  My visit to the shelter was good--even though it started pouring heavy rain when the forecast and radar said three days of rain was finished.  Oh well, the drive home wasn't too bad and it was worth it.

I met with the gray and white girl.  She came onto my lap and demanded head rubs and petting.  Then she climbed onto and over my shoulder and fell asleep.  She went back and forth doing this a number of times.  That particular cat room was busy and included several younger cats who were very active and a few potential adopters in and out.  She got a bit overstimulated and needed to chill out, so I let her curl up in the chair and nap.  She's a really big cat, whereas I've always had more petite ones.  Plus her love of shoulders would have to be "negotiated" and "redirected" because of my permanent shoulder injury and tenderness in both.  These are not insurmountable issues and she is a sweetheart.  The staff love her, so she gets tons of attention.

While she was napping, I spent some time with the young brown tabby girl I met last week.  She too was a bit overwhelmed with how busy the room was, though it's a good size and has tons of places to climb and rest or watch.  It's two rooms really because there's a fully protected "sun" screen room with partial walls.  The door between stays open during the day unless it's really cold or windy out.  Anyway, she too is sweet and rather shy, but I suspect part of that is being an owner surrender and never having been around other cats before.

Either of these girls would no doubt thrive in a good home.

I also met a third girl, a 5 year old tortie, whose listing I had bookmarked.  She's got a little fiesty in her for sure, but she's also good with people.  That's kind of amazing actually because she and the gray and white are at the shelter after being confiscated from a neglectful home.  They clearly were not abused though because they are really comfortable around people and very engaged in their surroundings.

I will be going back for more visiting and some one-on-one time with each of them on Friday. I will also spend time in the adult cat rooms just to see if any of the new arrivals catch my eye (or more accurately, I catch theirs).  I want to be absolutely positive before I bring a cat companion home and of course, one meeting is simply not enough to know.

One thing is certain though:  It's time.  I'll take however long it takes to find the right girl (I've always had girl cats). I will be patient.  When she and I know, then I'll bring her home.  In the meantime, I'm making the house fully cat-proof.  It's already pretty animal safe, but there are things I need to do that John and I basically let slide for the years we didn't have a cat.  Small, but important tasks that I will have finished by the end of next week.  Then all I'll have to do is hit the pet store for the basics and we'll be good to go.

Thanks everyone for your good wishes.

[KayC]

I've had both male and females and don't have a preference, King George lived to 19 (got him at six) and Kitty lived to 25 1/2 (met her at 10, got her at 12), never dreamed either would live so long!  They were both wonderful cats, easy to live with, so was Miss Mocha, I don't know how old she was but she lived about 10 1/2 years after getting her.
I wish you the best in your selection, that it'll be just the right one for you!

[foreverhis]

Quick update.  I went back to the shelter for a couple of hours today.  They had more than a dozen cat adoptions (and some dog, guinea pig, and rabbit adoptions as well) over the past 2-1/2 days.  Both the gray and white and the tortie found homes.  I'm thrilled for them.  It just means they weren't "my" cat. 

The little tabby is still there.  She's shy and sweet.  I think her shyness is because she's an owner surrender and doesn't know what to make of being left there.  I let her come out of her cubby and approach me in her own time while I spent time and played with the other two cats in the room.  I got her engaged in playing a little and then later she ended up on my lap snuggling, head butting, purring, and kneading.  Then she started bathing my hands and wrists.  It was precious.  And if she was 8 years old, rather than 8 months, I'd bring her home in a heartbeat.  But she would be a 15-20 year commitment and I have to be certain I'm ready for that.

I'll be going back next week and meet other cats, plus spend time with her again if she hasn't found a home.

[KayC]

Aww, Annie, I've never left one there, I go to get the one I want and bring them home with me, that has to be hard.  Do you think you won't live long enough?  Kodie could live to 16, I literally live for him!  When he goes, I'm done for, I'm sure.

[foreverhis]

Hi Kay.  It's not so much not thinking I won't live long enough.  It's more likely that I will, which frankly I'd rather not.  My mom died "young" at 81 from pancreatic cancer.  Women in our family most often live into their 90s.

It's more that with my auto-immune conditions, I worry about my day-to-day health declining.  I'm not sure I have the energy for a full time kitten.  Plus, I know it's harder for older cats to get adopted, so that weighs on my mind.  I found out that the gray and white was actually transferred to our largest private shelter/rescue, which is literally next door to the new county facilities.  The private one gets more community funding, more "spotlight," and more public events, so more people think about adopting from there.  The county must take in all animals; the private places don't have to (those this one usually does and it's also no kill) and it has a second facility for the northern part of our county.  The three shelters transfer animals back and forth often based on space and needs.  Though the county did have several adoptions, including the tortie girl (yay), they have a bunch of new intakes that were going overfill even the new larger facilities.  Since the gray and white (they named her Mistletoe; rolls eyes--her name should be Katie because...she looks like a Katie) is 12, sweet (if very stubborn), and older residents tend to go to the private shelter first, they transferred her there.  The private shelter had space, so it all worked out. I hope to spend one-on-one time with her to see if we can come to a meeting of the minds about her stubbornness and shoulder obsession. LOL.

Of course, insane-brain thoughts crept in as "What about two cats?  Two wouldn't make you a crazy cat lady and if you find two who get along, they could be company for each other too.  Find an older girl and give her a good retirement, but bring that sweet kitten home too."  The tabby kitten is kind of reticent/shy, though not unsociable, and not as crazy playful as most kittens, but when she warms up, she is incredibly loving and sweet.  I think she's overlooked a little because of her shyness.  But really, who can blame her?  She spent the first 7 months of her life in a home as the only cat.  Then her owner brought her in for surrender.  Suddenly, she's in this big busy place with lots of other cats and animals, not realizing that her owner is never coming back.  I'd be scared or confused or shy too.

I checked the private shelter's website and they have another couple of more senior girls I plan to meet this week.  There was also a large, white 5 year old I met at the county shelter and had some one-on-one with.  She was very friendly and inquisitive in the get acquainted room.  I realized that I need to open my mind to different colors and fur length, though I am a girl cat gal and can't handle one more than 10 lb.  I'm not supposed to lift more than 10 lb regularly and 15 lb sometimes.  Raleigh at 12 lb is practically at my limit, though she's easy to hold because when I lean down, cradle out my arms, and say, "Up," she jumps her little body right into my arms and settles in.  Her parents trained her pretty darn well.

I plan on spending time Tuesday and Thursday afternoon at the different shelters.  I figure that even if none of these cats or kittens ends up being "mine," I will have given them attention, affection, and human interaction.  I'm in no rush and believe when the time is right, I'll know.

[Roxeanne]

Hope you find your soulmate cat Foreverhis...even better two!

[KayC]

I had Miss Mocha and Kitty at the same time, while I wouldn't call them best friends (they didn't play together), they tolerated each other and got along.  They were 9 lbs or under..  Panther is the first HUGE cat I have and he's feral, doesn't let me pick him up, I'd say he's a good 20 lbs+ now, he looks like a Buddha, I don't know if he stored up for winter but I think it worked!   And he doesn't come in the house.  He runs off if I open my patio door.  But if I open the back door he acts like he wants in!  Go figure.  He was leery of my bandaged hand and if I carry a purse he runs, but he's getting better at those regular things now, still if I carry something else he'll run.  Like I change into a boogie monster?  He isn't like owning a domestic cat that fits into your family and lays around the house.  

I think if you adopt a pair of siblings they'll be more likely to be bonded, sleep/play together.  Or two kittens at the same time.  But two older cats are likely set in their ways but adapt, just not play together like kittens.  If you get an older cat they're likely litter trained, and not as likely to tear up the house or have to go through that learning stage..  I wish you the best in your search!

I hear you on the lifting, I can't now for sure and was already very limited to start with.

 

[foreverhis]

Just me with another update.  First, the sweet, gentle tabby was adopted 2 days ago, only 1 day after I'd spent hours with her again.  I believe I had something to do with her blossoming.  As an owner surrender, she was super shy at the shelter and even in the communal cat room with lots of attention.  I was persistent--and patient, letting her open up in her own time, but giving her encouragement in her comfort zone.  By that last day, when she saw me come into the room and sit down, she jumped down from her cubby, flew across the room, and "claimed" my lap.  A few days before that, she had come up and cuddled for an hour, but still needed a little encouragement.  Tuesday, she did it all on her own and then kneaded, purred, snuggled, and even bathed my hands and wrists for more than an hour.  It was all I could do to not adopt her right then.  But the house wasn't quite ready and, honestly, neither was I.

So Thursday morning before going in, I checked Pet Harbor for our shelter and her pictures and story were gone.  They had just added information about how she had blossomed, opened up with a little playing, and was becoming a "lap kitty." (Egotistically pats self on back.)  I called and found out she had been adopted Wednesday morning--right about the time my yoga circle of friends were looking at her new pictures.  When I went in, I talked to one of the staff members and told her that if the sweet girl was brought back for any reason during the 2 week trial period, I would take her so she didn't have to go through rehoming yet again.  The gal said, "I can put your information in, but...she won't be coming back."  I gestured a question and she continued, "The woman who adopted her is about your age, lost her long-haired cat a while back, saw the pictures and story, and took a chance.  She even brought a grooming brush to check the kitten's behavior.  They bonded immediately, grooming was perfect, and that was that.  They were both smitten."  I was so relieved.  Of course my heart hurts just a smidge because she had definitely taken a little piece of it already, but knowing she "landed in the cream" eased my mind.  I had said that helping her become open and comfortable was the most important thing, whether she was "mine" or not.  I'm so happy she found her perfect forever home.  Yet I also know my heart will miss her for a while.

So I spent time with a newer addition, a quiet, gentle, larger (12 lb?) white and black 5 year old boy who had been "friends" with the little tabby girl. In fact, I had considered I might adopt both if the circumstances were right because they were so good with each other.  This boy is the absolute opposite of every cat I've ever had!  I've always had petite female tabbies.  I'm going to go in on Monday and see about having some individual time with him because he's also an owner surrender and it's taking time to adjust.  One of the other cats in this cattery room is from a hoarding situation.  He's not a bad cat and is good with people, but he's used to "fighting" for attention and sometimes hisses at the other cats.  He doesn't attack or anything (obviously or he'd be in one of the individual kennel rooms), but the black and white was basically, "I don't want to deal with this guy right now." and went back to his perch by the viewing window to the catio.  The staff are working with the hissy boy every day and he's getting better.  In the meantime, I think some one-on-one time with the black and white boy would be beneficial.  Coincidentally, the black and white's current name is something that relates to publishing, so that gave me a chuckle.

I may also go to the second facility of the large private shelter/rescue where there are a few cats who caught my eye when I checked the website.  I don't mind waiting for my cat (or possibly two, depending) and spend time helping others for now.  I'm sure I'll know when I find my cat.

[KayC]

Oh Annie, it is with both sorrow and joy I read this update...sorrow for you and joy for the cat..  
Panther is different from any cat I've ever had, first that I can't bring him in the house, second he is so huge!  The main thing is the not trusting people, scared of noises, packages, etc.  And he claws up everything outside!  My ramp, rails, cupboard, posts, everything!  He seems to not get or give a rip about the word NO!  I can't believe how much damage he's done in such a short time!  The posts can be easily replaced, but NOT the one he's torn up to the ramp/rails.  That one is set in cement.  It's outside so carpet covered with snow/rain would rot it.  Besides, he'd just move on to a next one.

[Roxeanne]

Kay Panther is quite a guy!!

He's half a wild cat! The world is his...

[KayC]

Yep and he's claimed my whole property!

[Gail 8588]

Good news: Panther considers your home to be his home.

Bad news: Panther considers your home to be HIS home.   🙂

[Gail 8588]

Annie, 

I am sure the right cat will find you at the right time.

I have a tortoise shell tabby cat, though I am not really a cat person.  Sort of like Panther my cat is a blessing and a ... well not quite a curse.  She is very sweet and affectionate. She follows me around liked a puppy dog. She sits or lays on me when I watch TV.  She likes to sleep in my bed, but will move to her bed on the floor if I move around too much. 

My primary issue with her is that she claws my furniture and rugs. I have several scratching things for her to use. But she has no interest in those.  So I have blankets draped over furniture trying to protect upholstery from razor claws.  The rugs are defenseless. 

The cat was my DIL's, so there is no chance I can give it away. Besides who would want a cat that destroys your furniture and carpets. If she wasn't so sweet, when she isn't tearing stuff up, I'd surrender her (if my DIL somehow wouldn't notice).  But she is sweet, and she is a lot of company for me, so I just dream of the day when I can buy new rugs and furniture. 

She is 13 years old, so  there are a lot of years ahead for us.  

Gail

[KayC]

16 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I have several scratching things for her to use. But she has no interest in those.

Yep!  Only outside I can't cover all of my rails on a 40' ramp and 14 1/2' by 30 1/2' patio with carpet.  Even if I could, it'd rot the wood in the rain/snow.  Answer would be kill the cat but can't.  I do love him and know he doesn't get it and he's a cat, they have a mind of their own and when you scold them they look at you blank and do it again.

16 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Besides who would want a cat that destroys your furniture and carpets.

Yeah I got to know Kitty at 10 and adopted her at 12 and she lived to 25 1/2.  I know Panther is old but who wants to wish for their cat to die!  Kitty only destroyed my picnic table bench-legs.  I could sacrifice that.  Miss Mocha peed on the bathroom shower rug, I bought extra and washed them every time.  This has no easy solution.

I think if you get them as a kitten there is more trainability.  I sure enjoy the relationship between Panther and Kodie though.

 

 

[Roxeanne]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

1 hour ago, KayC said:

I sure enjoy the relationship between Panther and Kodie though.

 

It's so good they are friends! 

I'm the type who prefers to have scratched furniture and a happy cat around...

but Margot loves sofas and armchairs...

My old leather sofa was her preferite prey....she jumped on it and with her nails had punched it all!!!

It was old....but she made me laugh so much that i didn't try to stop her!

Now with the new sofa she do the same but hidden, when i'm outside...

she's really smart and crafty....i love her

[Sparky1]

Pets are very sneaky. A couple years ago I caught my dog (she's small) jumping on the couch and peeing on it. Oh was I upset, had to take the covers off the seats and wash them. She did it again maybe twice, now she can't jump because of her age. Maybe she thought it was grass because of the dark green colour of the fabric. It's much easier cleaning number 2 than a pee, a few weeks ago she was sick and I had to wash her bedding 3 times in one day, argghhh. Still love her though, she's helped me get through these last 2 years.

[Roxeanne]

Yes Sparky...they are our faithful  companions in the hard land of grief...!

And it's ok if they're a little naughty!! 

Ciao Ro'

[Gail 8588]

There is no doubt that the companionship pets provide us has considerable value to us, especially while grieving.  This silly, destructive, cat really does improve my quality of life.  Providing entertainment, companionship, affection, and incentive to get up each morning, to feed her, as she will not stop pestering me until I do. 

All of that more than off sets the monetary value of the damage she does. It's just stuff. 

That being said, Annie I hope you can adopt a cat that provides all those wonderful gifts without being destructive. 🙂  Good luck.

Gail

[Roxeanne]

32 minutes ago, LostThomas said:

but I can't imagine my world without the loving curiosity of a cat. 

Me neither!

LostThomas very good way to explain the need to have a cat in our life...

Cats are master of life! No one is able to adapt in every situation without complains more than a cat....

they find the best in life!

We can learn from them how to live better!

Loving and wise companions...

i just wouldn't make it too without Margot!

[foreverhis]

Updating again.  The big black and white, named Pica now, was the featured cat in our local paper.  That usually means quick adoption, but he's super chill and laid back, not a particularly playful or "silly" cat and gets overlooked because of it.  He's very observant and curious, watching the world around him.  At this time of year especially, people seem to want the cute, playful types.  Plus, he's a big guy at a little more than 12 lb, has long hair, which is more work for grooming, and has mild dental disease his new owner will need to address. I've always brushed our cats' teeth and can pay for any treatment he needs right away.  I'm pretty sure those "challenges" plus his quiet demeanor are why he's overlooked.

Pica is an owner surrender (from my own community, I discovered), so the busy shelter environment has been an adjustment and he's rather hesitant to trust.  He seems to like me because I comfort him and let him set the tone.  On Wednesday, he was transferred to the private shelter that I mentioned has an agreement with the county shelter.  (Side note:  The gray and white that was transferred found a forever home! Yay!)  I went to visit him yesterday and today.  He's in an individual kennel as he settles in.  These are awesome "three story" kennels that even have a bottom story with separate frosted front door because that's the potty room.  Pica is unsettled and staying quiet, even lying in the lower story (there's plenty of room) where I think he feels safer and it's quiet, but he's not traumatized.  Yesterday he was happy to see me and I think that helped him.  Today he was so happy to see me that he wrapped himself around my arm when I was leaning into his kennel to talk to and pet him.  Then later, while I was giving him chin and head scritches before leaving, he leaned forward heavily and bumped my face with his--hard--like, "When are we going home?"  I'm going to apply for adoption on Monday (assuming he's not adopted in the 3 hour period they are open tomorrow).

I had interacted with a number of other cats because I'm considering a two-fer.  I had spent time with a 6 year old muted tortie girl who I liked and who liked me, but I decided just today that she's not the cat for me.  She's sweet, but skittish right now and I just didn't "click" with her 100%.  She's going to make someone a wonderful companion though.  In that same community cattery room, there's a 2 year old black-brown tabby girl who I approached yesterday.  It was a good interaction, so I spent time with her again today.  We really got along and she relaxed completely with me.  She's also an owner surrender because apparently she didn't do well in her previous home with young, very rambunctious children and a loud environment.  She's calm, but engaged, and would probably thrive in a home like mine.  Her quiet, but curious, personality would complement Pica's, once the initial slow introduction period is over, of course. 

I had filled out the online pre-adoption questionnaire last night, so I only have to change one of the two "cats of interest" names and then complete the adoption forms on site.  This morning, I found myself wavering on everything.  I have said I'm not in a rush, which is absolutely true because I don't want to be impulsive with the rest of their lives or the next however many years of mine.  It's too important to make a snap decision, IMO. 

Here's what really hit home earlier.  I was sitting on the sofa drinking my morning coffee, minding my own business and thinking about Pica, other cats, the adoption, what I need to buy, etc.  Suddenly, I was sobbing and couldn't stop.  At last it dawned on me that there's one aspect of this I hadn't considered or addressed:  This is the first time in nearly 40 years that I will be making this decision on my own.  Of course, I've made seemingly countless decisions since John died, some really difficult or challenging and others pretty easy, but this is different for me.  There's a painful emotional level that bubbled up today and that is demanding attention.  I even told the staff at the shelter that I might seem hesitant, but it has nothing to do with wanting to adopt and knowing I'm ready.  I briefly said why and they were all very understanding.  They hadn't been pushy or anything.  I simply felt a need to give them a little clarity about me.

So tonight and tomorrow, I will finish a few cat safety things around the house and be ready for next week.  I used some of the fleece my BFF gave me in September to make two double-layer, double-fold cat blankies to go into the now empty open front cube side tables I had been using for book storage that will be perfect cat cubbies.  Then I'll buy the necessities and be ready.  I watched a "How to" video about the process of introducing cats to each other so that they can live in harmony.  I knew some of it instinctively because we've gone through introducing new kittens to puppies who are already part of the family.  I will also be keeping my Raleigh times by having the cats upstairs during that time.  First, they'll be in two different rooms.  Ultimately, they'll stay together for those hours in the wonderland that is our large master bedroom.  Raleigh has been around cats her whole life and currently lives with two who are nearly a year old.  But I still want her time to be her time with no need to "share."

So that's the current saga.  If I continue to feel settled and comfortable in my heart with Pica and the tabby girl, I will take the plunge next week.  Then I'll spend a couple of weeks going through the initial settling and introduction period before my visit to the Bay Area in later January.  Two friends, including Raleigh's mom, will take care of them at my house for those 4 days.  Raleigh's mom lives across the street and my other friend lives two blocks down, so they'll be able to give them plenty of attention throughout the day and into the evening.  I know they will be loved and cared for by two women I trust completely and who also have cats.  What a huge change this is going to be!

[Gail 8588]

You sound very ready for this change. 

On sort of a parallel track, I recently bought a new car.  I had been in the market for a car for about a year.  I knew what I wanted/needed. I found one that filled my requirements in Jacksonville.  I signed the contract and made my deposit from Tallahassee. On the day I made the 3 hour drive to Jacksonville to pick it up, I sobbed for most of the first hour of the drive, not even knowing why I was crying. But then it came to me, for the past 45 years I had never purchased a car without John's input. My buying the car, without John, was like another big block in a concrete wall I was building that separates us.  This decision wasn't a "we" decision, it was me all on my own.  It made me very sad. 

I know that doesn't make any rational sense.  But it is how I felt.

I am enjoying my new car. It is just what I needed. 

Gail

[foreverhis]

3 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

My buying the car, without John, was like another big block in a concrete wall I was building that separates us.  This decision wasn't a "we" decision, it was me all on my own.  It made me very sad. 

Yes!  Gail, it is exactly that.  Each significant decision I make as an "I" and not a "we" makes me feel like I'm being pulled further and further from John and our life together.

Next up for me this spring or summer:   Selling John's car and some of his big tools.  And buying a new (well, not too old used) car, a new computer, and a new range-oven.  Each one will hurt and each one is necessary.

[KayC]

I totally get what you guys are saying, making these decisions alone is very different from having their input and you were with your spouse so much longer than I was with mine, yet still we had vibed together so completely, I was amazed how intertwined we had become in the short few years we were together!  Much more so than 23 years with my kids' dad!  Gail, I'm glad you love your car!  The more we "practice" making decisions on our own the more comfortable we become with it...that doesn't mean it won't still give us this twinge of pain though, I think that comes with this widowhood.

Annie, I am so glad you are already beginning to come to conclusions and have taken the time to get to know the cats personally before taking this huge step.  And I love how "ready" you are for this!  I only hope someone doesn't swoop up one of them with no foresight on a Christmas whim, thus depriving you of "the one/s" and going to a home that is ill equipped for them.  Praying!!!

[foreverhis]

Well, Pica was adopted this afternoon.  My heart hurts a little because he's a sweet good boy and he would have been a good companion.  I pray now that he went to the perfect forever home.  He deserves it.  They all do.

I will visit the tabby on Monday and see how we get along.  She may very well come home with me.

[Sally72]

@Gail 8588  This makes perfect sense to me! I have cried many times over the last 5 years under similar circumstances! For me each time it is a time of grief but also a time of a bit more healing each time. Slowly, slowly! I allow myself to truly feel and “process” the grief and pain of the moment/circumstance and work through some more of the pain. I find myself coming out stronger for having allowed myself to truly “feel it” …it’s happened many times over the almost 5 years, though it’s much less the last year or so. I have learned to just “go with it”… … love and ((hugs)) 🤍 Sally 

[KayC]

Annie, I am so sorry, I know you were set for Pica and was afraid of this, but I pray he found a good home as well.  You will find just the ones to spend their lives with you.  Does the grey tabby have a name?

Annie, I am so sorry, I know you were set for Pica and was afraid of this, but I pray he found a good home as well.  You will find just the ones to spend their lives with you.  Does the grey tabby have a name?

[foreverhis]

Thank you, Kay. I did shed a few tears, but I am mostly okay with it. I will tell the staff that if Pica is returned for any reason (not playful enough, long hair too much work, etc.) that I will adopt him. In part because he’s a sweet boy who I think is special and in part because I don’t want him to go through the shelter and rehoming yet again.

Technically, yes the brown-black tabby has a name, heaven knows she deserves a better one: Tuna. If I adopt her, I’ll let her tell me her proper name over the first couple of weeks.

I am actually having a hard time emotionally this Christmas, far more than the past 2 years. I’m pretty sure part of it is that going through the process of finding “my” cat(s) has brought such an unexpected depth of missing John that usually lives deeper in my heart now.

On this Christmas morning, I am praying for Tuna, for Pica, for all the animals, and for all of us to find love, comfort, and peace.

[foreverhis]

Cats have a way of letting us know their true name. Our Pretty Penny (after the copper coin and how much we paid for her, our only purebred) was registered by us with CFA as Alexandra with nickname TBD. Nope. She clearly hated that name because within 10 days we could tell she was telepathically beaming, “My name is Penny and I’m very pretty” into all of our brains. And that was that for 18 years.

[KayC]

16 hours ago, LostThomas said:

I can't imagine my life, even for a moment now without Abbey as the center of it. 

I am so glad you have your Abbey!

Panther, even though an outdoor cat, has become a part of our lives, Kodie and him have a definite relationship and enjoy their interactions.  Panther waits for me by the back door, and wants petted, fed, etc. there, but if at the patio door he runs off if I come...it's Kodie he is looking for there!  So funny, sometimes I leave the door open a few inches so they can interact and play with each other through it!

17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

On this Christmas morning, I am praying for Tuna, for Pica, for all the animals, and for all of us to find love, comfort, and peace.

A beautiful prayer...

 

14 hours ago, foreverhis said:

“My name is Penny and I’m very pretty” into all of our brains. And that was that for 18 years.

That is a long time for a cat, I've only had two who lived longer.  They can be a blessing!  Thinking of you as you make your selection. Tuna-to-be-? I'm sure can't wait to come home!

[foreverhis]

Quick update.  I'm going to take a break from looking right now.  The sweet tabby I got to open up was adopted out at the end of the day today.  I saw her yesterday and just couldn't quite say yes.  It's literally a case of, "It's not you, it's me."  I think I'm still trying to deal with the depth of emotions that came up last week when it sunk in that this is the first companion animal I'm choosing alone since I was 20 years old.

There's one boy at the county shelter I do want to meet, but if he's not absolutely "the one," I'm going to step back for a bit.

[foreverhis]

Thank you, @LostThomas.  I was feeling pretty stupid for helping multiple cats relax, trust again, and open up to humans, only to find them adopted just as I was trying to make a decision.  But a dear friend told me I should never feel stupid for helping like that, in making it easier for them to find their forever homes.  I know that's true and I'm trying to see it that way.  I had been planning on volunteering at the county shelter once a week, but I'm going to wait on that until I have my own sweetheart to come home to at the end of the day.  Those sweet babies wiggle their way right into my heart every time and I am going to need a heart waiting for me at home.

Raleigh's dad, my dear friend and baking partner, told me the story of how they adopted her.  She had been in shelters for 4 months, never quite being "the one" for other adopters.  He drove down (out of our county about 45 miles) because he saw her picture and read her story on their Pet Harbor website.  Three times he made that trek, not quite sure.  His wife, also my dear friend, went with him that last time.  He said that all the way on the drive home with her, he kept thinking, "What if we made a mistake?" because she is unlike any dog they'd had in the past and she was going to need lots of care and patience, having stopped trusting humans after she was abandoned and then spent so long in shelters.  He said the thought brought him to tears.  But now they can't imagine life without her and I (and everyone they know) can't imagine her with any other family in the whole world.  His point was that we really can't know 100%.  We can only make the best choice and do our best to give them a wonderful life.

Raleigh's mom volunteers at the shelter and was there today.  She checked in on the buff tabby boy whose picture and story caught my eye.  She said he's every bit the sweetheart that his pictures and story say, that he got along with the other cats in the community room (his first day in there) so I could consider a second cat down the road if he's the right one now, and she was just really impressed with him.  I'm going to go visit him in the next day or two.  If we really click, I will bring him home.  If not, I will step back for a short time to let everything in my heart and mind settle.  There really aren't other cats at either shelter who "speak to me" at this point. 

But at least these are baby steps forward.  I wouldn't have even considered looking a year or two ago.

[KayC]

3 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I was feeling pretty stupid for helping multiple cats relax, trust again, and open up to humans, only to find them adopted just as I was trying to make a decision.

I agree with your friend, you helped these cats transition and be more ready for their home and family to come, that can never be discounted.  My heart hurts for you.  I know just going and looking doesn't seem to do it either...it takes one speaking to you to where you know you have to have them and then move heaven and earth to do so....as my Arlie spoke to me with his beautiful smile!  After promising to hold him for me, I got there only to find they did the same to another...and that family fell through.  They wanted me to "come back tomorrow" for him, hell no!  I wasn't chancing them giving him away again!  I told them, "I'll take him NOW PLEASE!"  And the rest was history.

I pray this will happen for you in it's own time and way and you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt.  Love you!!

[foreverhis]

Update:  The search is over.  My girl found me.

Since my last update, I had been visiting cats just to help them while waiting for "the one."  Last week, the private shelter had a number of new cats come in, some as transfers and some direct.  There were several that caught my eye, so I went in to see.  There were actually four who might have been good for me, including a striking litter pair of 2 year olds with pure white bodies and black-gray tabby tails.  A boy, who had a few scattered tabby markings on his head and legs, and a girl, all white except the tail.  They were just released for adoption on Saturday late, so I didn't get much time with them.  There was a female ginger tabby about 1-1/2 years old who was apparently shy, but not with me.  She came out and was all over me scent marking, demanding rubs and pets, but when she sat or lay down next to me, she remained ever so slightly tense, as if she wasn't sure I was her person, but she loved the attention.  She was adopted today.  There was a super petite tuxedo girl about 2 years old as well.  Very calm, not wanting "excitement," just love.  I spent time with her and was in on Saturday with her and the ginger (roommates) when a volunteer peeked in and asked gently if I was adopting her because a woman had come specifically to meet her.  I gladly swapped out of the room and within 5 minutes it was clear that this was her new cat mom.  So sweet.  Finally, a 10-1/2 lb (big for me) muted tortie-tabby long-haired 5 year old girl who is also very quiet and calm.  She was very affectionate with me and I liked her too, but I wasn't quite sure I was ready.  So I spent Saturday night and Sunday thinking.  Her name is Flounce and she is a beauty.

The thing was that I had seen a picture and read a story of a 1+ year old, 8 lb tabby up at the north county facility.  That's a 45 minute drive that I don't like making, but I could not get this beautiful girl out of my mind.  She had been left behind like garbage, abandoned and discarded, when a renter moved out of an apartment.  The landlord found her, got her checked out, and then brought her to the shelter.  She was spayed 2 weeks ago after being at the shelter for 2+ weeks.  I knew that if I didn't at least meet her, I would always wonder.  I drove up at the beginning of adoption hours today.

Her name is Cozi, in part because she likes to burrow into her blankets, and because she too is calmer, though also curious and engaged.  Within 15 minutes, she had decided I belonged to her.  When I walked across the big community cat room to greet a few other cats, she jumped down from her "perch" and stared.  I turned around and called her over.  She came flying to me, all head butts and scent marking and "Didn't I just tell you I claimed you as my mom?"  We spent 2 hours together.  I couldn't imagine leaving her behind, so I adopted her right then and there.  I was tempted to spend tonight thinking it over, but I just couldn't take that chance.  She's so adorable and reminds me of my very first cat Lightning. 

I got the "adoption day bundle" (inexpensive add on to the $80 adoption fee, which includes a whole lot for the price) to tide her over until I can go shopping (with coupons and freebies for the first purchases; yay) for more comprehensive supplies.  The shelter includes a bag of the kibble the cat has been eating to help prevent tummy upsets during the transition period.  Right now Cosi (slight change related to music) is in the large upstairs bath with some basics, including the fleece foldover blankets I made.  I've been in to sit with, pet, cuddle, and acclimate her several times.  She'll remain there tonight and then if she does well, I will set her up in the master bedroom for the next 7-10 days.  Then she'll have the run of the house, except the cat-free second bedroom (for visitors with allergies).

I feel good about my--that is, her--choice.  She's eaten kibble, had water, and cuddles and kneads every time I go in to see her.  She's much younger than I planned, but that's okay too.  We're going to be very happy together.

As for the tortie who I really do like so much.  She didn't get adopted today, but probably will soon.  If she's not adopted in 8 weeks or so, I may add her to the family.  Cosi is friendly with other cats and Flounce is super chill and laid back.  I think they'd do fine after the slow introduction period.  I also made sure the Cosi will be good with Raleigh.  The shelter staff said that either slow introduction or the separation I planned (upstairs bedroom for Cosi when Raleigh is here).  I want Raleigh's time to be Raleigh's time completely.  Plus, I told them I am Dogmother and Catmother guardian for my friends' three girls, just in case.  They said that's fine that if anything ever happened, I'd just need to go through the standard slow introduction period.  So that's good because it's very important to me.

Also, I started crying because I knew John would have loved her and he's missing this.  Cosi came up to me, bumped my forehead with hers, and then licked my hand.  Yes, she's a winner for sure.

Thus endeth the cat search.  Now on to the next chapter of cat life.  Thank you everyone for your support and comfort while I went through finding my girl.

Here she is.  Two pictures at the shelter and the third with her checking out her new cubby and one of the blankies.

 

Argh! The pictures are correct in my computer.  I'll figure out how to rotate them.  ETA:  Well, I did a quick rotation every direction, but they only come over like this.  Ah well, I'm sure one of our clever members knows another way.  But even sideways, I think she's darn adorable.

[SSC]

Congratulations on your new love!  I am so happy for you!  I have been quietly reading your cat story for weeks now and hoping for the best for you and it has finally happened!  I just know having a family member living with you permanently is a big deal in helping to feel less lonely.  I keep putting off getting a pet but feel the time is drawing close to adding a companion soon.  I like cats, however most of my family is allergic so for me it will have to be a dog.  Reading your story and appreciating that I’m not the only one who wants an older animal, wants to go slowly and find the right companion that “fits” gives me hope!  I am just so thrilled for you!  My heart is happy, your baby is adorable, and I wish you two many joyful years together!  

[tlc]

I too have been quietly following your search for your companion with great interest. I am a both a dog and cat person and I have been so impressed by your diligence in this. No rushing in just with your heart and emotions but slowly and carefully just to be sure that this will be a long term relationship full of love for each other! No rushing into this and regretting it later as so many do.

After a lifetime of having both dogs and cats, I have now ended up with one remaining 18 year old cat who we adopted from a shelter at the age of one. She has seen her dogs and other cats come and go including my soul mate and her "dad" Terry. These days both she and I are struggling but still kicking as they say! Her name is Lily and she has renal disease and arthritis. I try to manage the renal disease as best as I can diet wise and the arthritis is managed by vet medications. We are two old ladies struggling together!! Sometimes I worry about which of us will go first. I suppose that I hope that it's her so that I can help her to have a peaceful transition. That's my job. Hopefully, someone will do that for me too when that time comes!
 

 

[Roxeanne]

She's so cute! Bellissima...

 

[KayC]

It took me an hour, my Paint kept locking up, then I lost my internet, but finally (I'm tenacious), here it is!

 

And a very sweet Cosi she is!  I wish you many happy years together!

[foreverhis]

Thank you, Kay. You’re a marvel! I only used the quick Windows photo edit functions, rather than opening one of my photo editing programs. Honestly, I was pretty tired and figured I’d deal with it this morning. I appreciate you taking the time to do it for me, especially considering the frustration you had to endure.❤️

So far, Cosi has been eating, drinking, and taking care of potty business, which is good. But I need to turn her cubby I put in there so she can “hide” when she’s stressed. She’s been hunkering around behind the side of the toilet as her private spot. I put one of her blankies there so she’ll have two places. On Wednesday I will transition her to the bedroom.

She is amazingly loving and engaged, even as she’s trying to adjust to her new surroundings. What a love.❤️

[Sparky1]

I'm not a cat person  (wicked allergies), but that cat is a beauty. I'm so glad you found the 'one', she'll make a great companion for you.

[April Ballou]

@foreverhis your new furbaby is beautiful.   Congratulations!!

[Gail 8588]

@foreverhis

Cosi is a beauty. I'm sure she will bring you much joy.  A fine way to start 2023.

[KayC]

I am so glad you are helping her find her way!\

Panther has taken to playing with Kodie at the patio door...she is a huge cat, the biggest I have ever seen or "owned" (as if we own a cat!  More like they pick us!) and very strong so I have to put a bar in the track so he can't open it all the way...he has a relationship with Kodie and they love each other!  There they play together and spin for each other, it is quite cute to watch.  But when I get my camera out they stop.

Enjoy your little girl!  I am glad she has someone to be hers and in time I'm sure she will feel safety and love in her home.

[foreverhis]

We have been without power since early last night. The atmospheric river got us with gale winds and torrential rain, though not as bad as further north.

We are in an area where PG&E doesn’t bother upgrading, so about 2500 households bear the brunt of outages. Some friends just to the east in our community got power back after an hour. We’re supposed to get it back tonight. I ate the last half cup in a container of softened-but-not-liquid ice cream for breakfast.

Raleigh’s dad had taken her home after baking afternoon and I had just enough time to transfer Cosi to the bedroom. The rain was pounding, the wind was howling. Cosi checked things out and then plopped down on the bed with me. She’s completely at ease. We’re hanging out on the bed because it’s cold in the house and, well, why not?  Here she is comfortable and secure in her new home (well, part of it). 

[Sparky1]

I love her colours, she definitely is a beauty. I guess your waiting paid off and I am so glad for you. Reminds me of my dog when she's sleeping, no cares in the world and looks angelic just lying there.

[SSC]

I just checked in to see how you’re doing @foreverhis with this crazy weather I’m reading about in your area.  I’m in Southern California right now at my daughter’s home (near Disneyland) and even though it has been raining for days we haven’t had the weather you’re experiencing.  I worried Cosi would be frantic with the weather, making the transition more difficult.  It’s good to see she is doing well, all things considered!

our one and only family cat (this is how we found out my husband and one daughter was allergic) was a big tabby with the same coloring as your Cosi.  He had big beautiful green eyes, but man!  He could be a mean cat!  He decided he was higher on the pecking order than our youngest daughter and he let her know it!  She has the scars to prove it but she loved him anyway!  
 

Hopefully there’s a break in the weather this weekend and things clear up.  I’m glad to hear you are ok!