Feel like i need to know exactly how my cat died in order to process and move on - is this normal?

[Iestyn]

My 14 year old best friend died suddenly on Friday and since then i've been constantly Googling to try and process in my mind just when his illness would have began, what the stages of it would've been, and what his final days/hours would've been like. I feel like unless i can establish answers to these, i won't be able to move on. Is this normal? And either way, how can i learn to accept not knowing?

The timeline would probably begin around 6 months ago when he started to spend a great deal of time in the sink, suckling the faucet despite having two water dishes in the house and one outside. We brushed this off as 'cats being cats' and didn't really dwell on it too much, but in hindsight it would seem as though he was starting to become dehydrated. In the last 3 months his appetite massively decreased and he was becoming extremely picky with food. He would still come running when we opened the fridge or a can of food, but he would only eat a few mouthfuls and then stop. This led to pretty severe weight loss and by the final 2-3 weeks of his life he was painfully thin and walking quite slowly/gingerly. However, he still seemed quite happy, still went outside frequently, was still able to go upstairs, wasn't being sick at all. I thought it was a mixture of potential arthritis and general old age, and was going to take him to the vets last weekend for a check up.

Anyway, on Friday when i was at work i got a text from my mum saying that he had started limping. I went home and lunch time and found him lying on the grass in our back garden just staring into space. I called him and he didn't respond. I lifted him up and brought him inside but when i set him down he just collapsed to the floor, his back legs no longer working. He couldn't even sit up and just lay on his side, breathing slowly and staring into space. I knew he was very close to death and wrapped him in a blanket and drove to the vets, but he passed away on the journey. He let out two miaow's and then was still. The vet had a brief look at him and said that from the muscle wastage, it was almost certainly kidney failure.

So now i'm obsessed with learning as much about kidney failure as i can. When did it start? What were the first signs of it? What did i miss? Was he in pain? What would the final few days and hours have been like for him? How do i learn to accept that none of this ultimately matters? I feel so guilty and angry at myself that i didn't take him to the vet as soon as i noticed the weight loss, but the vet did say that there would've almost certainly nothing they could've done.

[KayC]

I had my 25 1/2 year old Kitty euthanized when she was diagnosed with kidney and liver failure, they said there was no treatment...her first sign (to me) was Christmas, I had her put to sleep Jan. 6, they were closed for the holidays.  I live in the country, no vets here.  I hate that she suffered at the end.  She had thyroid issues but those are treatable, I had no idea about her liver failure, I suspected the kidney failure.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Ultimately what is notable is that they are no longer suffering, out of their pain and whole again.  I believe we will be with them again, I have to believe that, heaven isn't heaven without our pets.

Pets go to heaven
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers