Parent starting to date

[talktexas]

My dad passed away a year and a half ago and my mom started dating someone 6 months ago. I have not met him yet as we do not live close to each other. My mom invited him to come with her to my house for a weekend trip on my daughters birthday.  I had a very open conversation with her on the phone recently and told her that I was happy for her that she has found someone that makes her happy. I went on to say that I am just not ready to have him come to family holidays yet, and especially not ready to meet him for the first time on my daughters birthday for an entire weekend. I did say that I do want to meet him and that I would be willing to meet them half way to go to lunch or dinner, so I can begin getting to know him better. I tried to explain to her that I am still trying to process through everything and I need more time to get to know him before we start doing holidays together. Now my mom is upset with me. I am not sure how to handle this. When my dad died, my mom was ready to move on very quickly. I have respected her right to see other people and go through grief at her own pace, now I need her to listen to and respect my needs. 

I was given advice by another family member that I just need to deal with change and do what makes my mom happy.  I don't feel like my needs are being heard. I don't want to be unreasonable, but I am still dealing with heavy grief and seeing my mom with someone else so soon is a painful reminder of what I have lost. I feel like I am being pushed and pressured into doing something I am not ready for. 

[Lesliereads]

I am sorry you are having to go through this.  In that short amount of time, it seems fully legitimate to me that you would still be processing and working through the death of your Father.  You are right that everyone goes through grief differently, but that includes you and your needs as well, not just your Mom's.  In my opinion, it wouldn't hurt her to respect your wishes and come to your daughter's birthday without her date.  The other family member who advised that you just have to do what makes your Mom happy does not seem to have your best interest in mind.  It is totally fine for you to set boundaries and limits on what you can and cannot deal with around the death of your Dad.  I don't know your relationship with your Mom, but ideally she would be able to see that what she is proposing is upsetting to you and let it go until you are ready.  Take care!  We are all just out here trying to get through these losses we have experienced the best way we can each day.