I can’t stand this pain..

[DcJp]

My love of my life was recently taken from me, why is a question I will never know.. He was murdered in a country filled with crime and corruption. I can’t stand this pain this anger that doesn’t allow me to grieve, I always have tried to be a good person what did I do to deserve this! why did they take him from me. I feel like I’m alive but dead inside, we had all these plans and just like that they took everything from me. The person I loved most, is gone and there is nothing I can ever do to bring him back. I miss him so much I can’t even breath sometimes, it’s like life is moving around me yet I’m still. Everything reminds me of him. I fall asleep sobbing I wake up hoping that when I open my eyes everything will be back to how it once was. Then I see his pictures and collage from his funeral and it hits me like someone stabbed me in my heart all over again. Those idiots had a choice, why did they choose to kill him. He didn’t deserve that they could have taken anything they wanted the car, money, whatever. They didn’t have to kill him that cold heartedly. I hope whoever they are , you know what, let me stop there… I miss him I can’t stand that I have to live without him!!

[Raelyn]

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband wasn't murdered but had a heart attack. The pain is all the same though. My heart aches and races all day all night. I cry so hard I can't breathe. Theres a constant pain in my heart and the pit of my stomach. He died a little over a month ago and I have lost 33 lbs because everything makes me nauseous. I can't watch movies or listen to music....I can't do anything because everything reminds me of him. I too question "WHY?" "Why was he taken from me?" So I fully understand how you feel. The pain never seems to end. But hopefully you will at least see that here you are not alone in the grief.

[DcJp]

Im so sorry for your loss too 😞.. wish I could wake from this nightmare. Never have I ever imagined going through this type of pain. What’s more heartbreaking is we were in the process of starting a family. I couldn’t even have that some part of him left behind with me. Maybe it would hurt just a little bit less because I would have some precious gift to care for and love. Now all I have is heartache and a life I have to get used to. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I know there are no words that i could say to ease your pain but I wish you the best and hope that soon things get a bit better. Stay strong our loved ones would want us to be 🙏🏼

[Raelyn]

I have 4 little ones still at home to care for. I thank God I have them because they are a distraction from the pain and thoughts but it is still torturous because they cry and ask for dad. They still want to go places and do things that we did as a family but that crushes my heart at the thought because of all the memories. 

[DcJp]

I can only imagine their poor little hearts 😞. I’m so sorry, I hope one day we can be able to try and live a normal life. For now he is all I think of.  I will never stop missing him or loving him. He was my whole happiness, I am thankful that he crossed my path and I was able to know real love. I will carry his heart with me until god says it’s my time to go. I just pray to god he helps me with the anger that is trying to consume me… thank you for responding to my post 🙏🏼

[DcJp]

I came back to this stupid corrupt country to gather some of his things at a house we shared wonderful moments. For one I don’t know where this courage came from to even be able to come here. Took me some drinks to even get to the door let alone inside. I seen some of his stuff left exactly how he left them and I’m literally torn into even more pieces. I nearly passed out from the sight of his shoes with socks on top like he just taken them off. His baseball cap on the living room table, next to his dried up cup of water. I haven’t stopped thinking and crying about this. I wish I could do something but I can’t everyone here is basically scared to come near me like I’m a walking curse. I don’t understand how people can be so cruel, I hope that whoever did this gets what they deserve. They killed him and killed a ton of people that love and loved him as well. The sad part is there is no fair justice system here and I will never get that closure. Life at this point is just a bad dream. Hope it goes by fast for me, I can’t wait to see him again