Don't Know How To Cope

[LostAndUnsure]

Hello all, I am new here and I have a situation that I really don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to seem uncaring, but it's really taking its toll on me. I am not that great with writing without sounding blunt and/or rude. But I promise you that I do care, I am just stuck.

 

My MIL suddenly passed just a little over three years ago. She was very understandably crushed as she was close. That thanksgiving and Christmas was a dark one for her, me, and my daughter. Last year wasn't really any different either. It also appears this year will be about the same as well. Starting in early November she was saying things like I am sorry in advance if I don't seem so cheerful and in a festive mood. Then come Thanksgiving or Christmas, it's usually spent either breaking down crying or curling up in bed. This just puts a damper on my daughter and my mood for the day. I have gotten to where I completely dislike this time of the year. I spent this Thanksgiving just doing yardwork all day and my daughter just gamed all day saying she wasn't interested in doing anything else.

Another problem is dealing with the material possessions of the estate. I fully understand that packing the home was difficult and I expected no help from her because of the emotions. I actually felt it would be better if I did all the packing because I knew how hard it would be for her. She insisted on helping and I couldn't say no. It took close to 6 months to pack up the house because of the constant emotional breakdowns and wanting to go through everything and taking time just holding and remembering. She has packed our house with stuff from her mom's home and we don't have the room. I have one bedroom full to the door, cabinets and closets full of stuff and just decorations and trinkets all over that make my own home feel suffocating at times 

We also have a very large storage unit that we have spent thousands on in rental fees. She won't let me make decisions on getting rid of things. But there has been no visual change in the last year with her sorting through it. There is nothing of real value like family heirlooms, or jewelry, it's just household items like kitchen utensils, clothing, shelving, etc. I just want to go through it in a weekend or two and either trash it, donate it, sell it, or keep anything of real sentimental value.

 

Again, I am not that great with writing down how I feel without sounding like a jerk. But my feelings of compassion/grief are starting to turn to resentment and at times anger. I know everyone is different. I lost my dad over 4 years ago. Ww started going through his stuff within two weeks. I kept some personal items, but I had no attachment to most of it as I didn't see the items as him..... I would appreciate anyone's feedback.

[Tana]

Hi, so sorry you have  to deal with this.  That would be tough. Could you please clarify a little bit in your message About who died and the remaining ones. I am a little confused I’m thinking  by MIL you mean mother-in-law, but does this mean that your daughters mother-in-law passed away, and now your daughter is putting her mother-in-law‘s belongings into your home?  Reread your paragraph about the people involved , and you’ll see that there is a little confusion there as to what’s happening and who the characters are. Thanks for clarifying this.