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I lost my two best dog friends


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On November 18th this year we had plans of putting down one of our dogs since he was having trouble breathing and walking.

His name was Junior and he was 14 years old, very old for a pitbull. We first got him as a rescue when I was 7 years old. I am now 20. The next year we got Briggs, our next pitbull. I grew up with these guys and they grew up with me. I suffer from a few mental illnesses and have mental disabilities, so seeing these dogs everyday would always make me so happy. When I started my job a year ago I was feeling miserable whenever I came home. Hearing barking from inside the house and then be greeted by Briggs who'd always be wagging his tail on the washing machine always brightened me up and would play and rough house with him for a while.

Briggs was always a very active dog even at 13 years old. We rescued him after he was in dog fights and gotten hit by a car all before he was one year old. He was very spoiled by us and loved by us all. So seeing that Briggs was having some trouble going to the bathroom I was really worried. He was still very active despite the trouble. Me and Briggs snuggled up on the couch and napped for a few hours before my parents came home. We took him with us when we were taking Junior to the vet. I had hopes that it was just something they can easily fix, like something with his glands, or give medicine for a few weeks. However as he was getting checked over, the doctor found a cancerous mass near his stomach.

My whole world just broke apart as I didn't expect this to happen. I hugged him so close to me and kept begging the doctor to not take him away. My parents were there as well and they were heartbroken as well. Before the people could come in for euthanasia, I hugged both dogs and said my goodbyes and love yous. I took Briggs's collar off before leaving. That collar was the perfect collar for him, black with white paws and crossbones to match his darker fur, white marks, and cropped ears from when he used to be in fights. I went in the car to wait for my parents and spent the whole time crying in the backseat holding his collar close to me. It was all unexpected for me.

As we got home I went to check and see if Briggs was on my parent's bed since that's where he would always be when I go to wake him up in the morning. Of course he was not there. The next day I went to check again, but still nothing. I kept doing that throughout the entire day just hoping that this is all a bad dream. I did the same thing for Junior, I'd go downstairs in the family room to see if he is asleep on the couch snoring loudly. Of course he isn't there, but I still kept checking. I'm still checking even today

I've known these two ever since I was a child. Having something I've known and love for years be taken away all the sudden has left me broken. I recognize that I'm going through the stages of grief, but I keep cycling through it and not accepting at all. I just know that one day they are going to show up again, no matter how many times I'm told they won't. I don't feel like myself anymore more than I already am with my mental issues. I just can't live without them I just want them back. I think I'm going insane. I'm afraid I might do something horrific if I don't see them again. I'm keeping myself locked in my room and called in for work until I see my therapist next week. I have pictures and the collar, but it just isn't enough I want them back physically. My parents have brought home the new dog today and I am happy about that, but I just want Briggs and Junior back I'd give up both of my legs just to have them back. I want them back i want them back i want them back I want them back I want them back I want them back.


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Thanks for sharing your story here of your sweet dogs. (Love that pic.) I am so sorry for your loss of them both. :( 

Please DO NOT harm yourself. https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/

I felt like I was going crazy with grief, too. (I lost my cat very suddenly and horribly five years ago.)

This is still very new to you. It does take some time to process. There is no timeframe for it. We all deal it differently and the stages do come and go. One minute you might feel okay and the next like your heart is breaking.  

I know how badly you want them back. It's incredibly painful. I promise as bad as this is, it won't feel like this forever. It's hard to believe because the world just seems dark without them. Come here and write more if it helps. It did for me. 

We all know what you are going through, we get it. 


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