Loss of My Little Brother

[ApocalypticAngel]

My nine-year-old brother died on impact in a car accident on July 19th, 2020. I was 18 when he passed, and he was my absolute best friend. We genuinely were inseparable. He would always come over to my apartment, almost every weekend, to spend the night. We'd stay up into the early dawn hours listening to music, playing Fortnite, just doing our thing. It's been just over two years, and it has not gotten any easier. I was the only one in the family that wasn't there that night. 

My family had gone out to an arcade, but I was out of town house-sitting. My mom ended up being placed in a medically induced coma after the accident, and since I was the legal next of kin, I was tasked with identifying his body. Seeing my little brother, my best friend, laying on that cold metal table, covered in a white sheet... I'll never forget how he looked.. Cold and pale. Because of that, I now have diagnosed PTSD. The PTSD, undealt with grief, and the unwavering guilt make it impossible to even look into the idea of moving on.

I need closure, but I have not a single clue as to how to move on... What do I do? I've been trying many different therapists, I'm on medication, nothing's helping..

[Leamaj]

I lost my older brother in 2017 I feel your pain in losing a sibling just being honest it hurts, as time go by its less hurt but its always there. I reached out to you because your coping sounds like me therapist & medication also.  Some days is good some bad prayer helps if you feel depression is weighing in on you. Please get the proper help I did almost 9 months of grievince counseling some 1on 1 & group settings it good to be educated on with you dealing also having the right mental tools to deal with it. I'm truly sorry for your lost you're not alone & we should be grateful for outlets like this for us.