Just lost my sister, my friend

[Cassens4]

I just lost my sister a week ago.  She is my older sister by four years but we were so very close.  We have an extremely close family with four siblings total.  I am the baby, two other brothers and my late sister.   She had cancer but was in remission but after developing pneumonia she couldnt clear the infection and died while i was holding her hand.  I helped raise her daighter and son and she wad there for the birth of both of my children.  She was not just my sister, but my friend.  I loved her dearly.  My parents are a mess, my dad in particular very emotional breaking down all the time. My brothers live quite a distance from us (‘mt parents and i are in the same town, i take care of them az they are both 79 yrs old). And my kids are not around as they live wjth their father and have completely abandoned me two years ago due to parental alienation and a horrible ex husband and new wife.   I am truly alone.  I have no significant other or even close friends and i feel i am lost.   What can i do to keep going on as there doesnt seem to be a reason.  Its not fair she had a family; just became a grandma and a husband who loved her.  I have no one!   Im angry at god for taking her when i wldve gone and it wldve been so much better cuz i have no one.   Im angry i didnt get to let her know how mich i loved her and im so very very sad and once again; alone.  

[woah10spac]

I'm also the baby of my family, with two older brothers, and the eldest, my sister, passed away a year and a half ago. I'm also very alone.

I think to myself every day how much better off the world would be if it had taken me instead. But here we are. A couple of losers who dont deserve this life and we are going to have to live it nonetheless. There is no other choice than to live it, and to live it the best we possibly can. For our sisters.

I'm sorry to hear that anyone has to go through something similar to the pain I have felt this last year. And a week ago is so soon. There is nothing that can describe the first weeks of grief. There is nothing I can say that can console a heart in as much pain as I can trust yours is in right now.

But anytime you need to talk, we are here to listen.

While right now the pain is deafening, later it will only be loud. I cant say beyond that because it's still loud for me, but I imagine it will get quieter as the years go by. Never will it disappear, but it will get lighter as you grow stronger, I can promise you that. And you will make yourself better for it in time. But dont rush getting better. For now, rest. Meander through tasks to keep yourself going. And rest more. Get out of bed in the morning and get back in again at night.

You will survive this. Breathe. Remember to breathe. Cry when it comes. Stop crying when it goes. Let yourself be happy in the few moments you feel it. Cry again ten minutes later. Trust me, itll be a mess, but it is for everyone.

I hope you find moments of peace. Please reach out if you need to. I need people to talk to, too. ❤

[Kat34]

I am sorry for your loss, I just lost my sister (cousin) in September and my world feels like it’s crushing down. 

[JJteam]

My younger sister (by 2.5 years) died 6 weeks ago. She was my best friend, the person I had known and loved my whole life and I am lost. Our parents are gone, I never expected her to go before me. Her illness came on slowly, but was steady and being a nurse I guess I knew what the outcome was going to be, but never allowed myself to think about it. I was with her at the end, along with her husband and I keep reliving those last breaths. It does not seem real, I cry all the time. My brother-in-law and I lean on each other and can talk at any time. I feel guilty for wishing she could have lived, even though she was suffering at the end. I listen to music I know she liked and wish so bad the phone would ring and I would hear her voice.

[Leslie Kruger]

I found my brother at his house on Christmas day, he had passed away at 49,I'm ten years older. He had a bad drinking problem. I was always checking on him, but on this day I was too late . I feel so guilty and horrible. I can barely work.I can't get the picture of him laying there out of my mind it's making me crazy it consumes my thoughts.