Losing my Grandma and Dog

[Gms244]

My 24th year of life has been the most difficult one so far and it's been one shrouded by grief and loss in so many ways. The year started off great. I moved out by myself for the first time in my life to finish graduate school and this was filled with a lot of hope and promise but I quickly realized how lonely it could be. This was the beginning of the sadness that would surround the remainder of my year. After spending Thanksgiving alone in my apartment, I was able to go home for Christmas. Shortly after I arrived, my dog of 14 years started to take a turn. He was slowing down rapidly and seemed to be in pain. Finally, two days before Christmas we had to make the decision to let him go and it was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I still remember laying with him on the floor of the vet's office until he passed. The guilt and sorrow of having to make that choice ate me alive for months after. I grew from a child to an adult with him by my side. Not only that, he had been my support through many losses in my life and I had to learn how to navigate my grief from him passing without him. A piece of me died with him. I returned home after winter break and was thrown into a full-time internship while also being a full-time graduate student so my life revolved around that. In a way I stuffed my grief in a box to be able to meet the demands of my schedule without falling apart at the seams. Toward the beginning of May I began to realize that I would not be able to finish the internship hours I needed in time to officially graduate with my cohort, although I was allowed to walk with them at graduation. I accepted that, as hard as that was. Then, one week before my graduation, I found out my grandma died through a post on facebook while I was at my internship. My parents had chosen to tell me later in the day because they didn't want me falling apart at my internship, however I saw the post before they could. I was thrown back into the beginning of the grief cycle. Graduation was a blur of nothingness. I couldn't feel joy because I was in so much pain so I chose to feel numb instead. Neutral so that I wouldn't ruin the experience for my friends. Everything after that was a black cloud. I spent my days shut in my apartment crying most of the time. I lost interest in activities, friends, and life outside of my pain. Honestly, I think the happy person I used to be died with my loved ones this year. I don't know if I'll ever get back to the person I used to be. I've been grieving not only the loss of my loved ones, but also the loss of myself. That's a hard pill to swallow.

[Anonymously]

Hey,

I also recently lost my grandmother abruptly, I am sorry for you loss. I don't really have any words of wisdom at this point because I too, feel like a piece of me died, or was ripped away. But from reading the stories on here and the amount of care people seem to have for one another maybe it will help us feel less hopeless.  I would say to keep reaching out in support groups/forums. Maybe we can try and find our missing pieces. 

[Carol K]

I can relate. This and last year have been extremely difficult for me. Almost a year ago, my grandmother unexpectedly passed away. She had several health issues on top of other things. She was placed on hospice when we found out there was nothing left to be done and she passed peacefully the same day. She passed three years and nine days after my other grandmother passed away from similar issues. This recent loss was especially hard on me since I was closer to her and how it (literally) came out of nowhere. Today, her dog had to be put down due to liver failure. My grandfather was taking care of her and this week, she was at the vet several times since she wasn't eating, among other issues. I'm in college out-of-state and the fact that I can't be there right now is making things worse. I feel like this back-to-back loss is eating me up inside and making me dissociate a bit. I feel like a part of me has died and I can't get it back. This is all extremely stressful but also emotional and I'm trying to figure out how to cope with this. My grandfather is going through the blunt of it though, losing his wife and now dog less than a year apart. Her dog was the sweetest thing. I'm starting to consider seeking psychiatric help since this is something I'm having issues coming to complete terms with.

[Valerie Lockhart]

Dear GMS244.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother and pet. Animals are members of our family too. I had to put my pet cat to sleep because she had cancer.  It was as if she knew what was happening. She had a single tear roll down her face before the doctor injected her. My mom and I both cried over her loss. 

Whether by talking or writing, communicating your feelings can help you to release your grief. It can also help to clear up misunderstandings. You may find that for a time your emotions will be somewhat unpredictable. Tears may flow without much advance warning. Be patient with yourself. And do not feel that you have to hold back the tears. Remember, they are a natural and necessary part of grieving.

Realizing that the guilt of putting your pet to sleep —real or imagined—is a normal grief reaction can be helpful in itself. Here again, do not necessarily keep such feelings to yourself. Talking about how guilty you feel can provide a much-needed release.

I've learned that the Bible assures us: “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) Yes, more than anything else, a relationship with God can help you to cope with the death of someone you love. In addition, do not underestimate the value of prayer. I love to read how the Bible urges us: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22) If talking out your feelings with a sympathetic friend can help, how much more will pouring out your heart to “the God of all comfort” help you!—2 Corinthians 1:3.