What Changed at that Moment?

[Frantz]

Hi everyone,

My father has lost his first child (my eldest brother), in a horrible fire. He was only 11-months old.

I am my father's youngest, and love him dearly. I have not known the child, but the ghost of his memory and tragic death hovers around me and my father's relationship ever since I can remember. It's hard for us to speak about it openly and honestly. It's too sensitive.

I'm an artist. I have been trying for several years now to make sense of it all and somehow create an image of my brother - to make his presence felt on the outside as it does on our insides... to understand my father better through art.

So I will kindly ask you the following question:

 

What changed in your surroundings the moment the death happened (or when you've found out about it)? 

Light, shadow and colors seemed different? Did the room grow larger\smaller? Has the view out the window became stranger? A certain object in the room appeared? or disappeared? Did you hear something specific?

These are just a couple of examples for what I mean, but absolutely anything will be helpful for me to paint this picture of grief in my head, and nothing will appear anywhere else without permission.

Thank you.

I hope you find love within the pain.

 

[Ronni_W]

Frantz, you are asking a question that the answer will be different for every person. (Stop posting your same question...it won't help you to get a single, simple, all-revealing answer that will actually help you to understand your father's experience and sense of his loss of his eldest child -- there isn't such an answer; it does not exist. Only your own father can help you to understand what your own father felt and experienced.)

You may need to do all the rest in conjunction with working with a therapist -- perhaps even better if it is a trained "art as therapy" therapist. I've started working with one of those, but not sure their 'official' title/credentials. I think, though, if you plug that term into Google, then you'll probably (hopefully) hit on something that might work for you to help you.

Possibly you can, or need to, approach your dad in a more 'round-about' (a less 'scary-for-him') way? Example, "Dad...I saw this question online <then say your own question>...how would you answer that one, Dad?" (That's just an example. Follow your own heart, and how you know your Dad, and what feels 'inner right' for you in the moment.)

Yes, I do get that it's emotionally scary and difficult for you, and also for your Dad. But...if you truly do want your answer(s) about this, then you will need to find your own courage to have honest, open and truthful conversations with your Dad. There isn't really an "easy" way, here, for this, about this.

Alternately. Just paint or draw whatever comes into YOUR own heart and mind, when you work on this project. Do not be afraid to just trust your 'inner voice'. See what comes out of that process...when you open up your own heart to how YOU feel, about your brother's death and how it affected your Dad.

Love and hugs, Ronni