I hate waking up to this new reality without you baby boy 😭 I wanna follow you.

[mrkobe4rever]

Almost a month, on the 15th.. people expect it to “get better” with time.. but waking up everyday has been getting harder and harder. Nothing feels right or has meaning! He was my soulmate, my baby boy.. 😭 Why did this happen.. he deserved a longer life than 8yrs. He was the perfect little boy. I don’t have kids..he was it..he was my son. I can’t do this life without him. I’m having thoughts of ending my time here to be with him because everything is just so meaningless. Idk what to do. 💔💔 Kobe you were my strength, my world and the last source of my happiness. 😭😭 I can truly go now. This is never ending torture..my hell on earth.

😫

 

8yrs with this guy.. I miss him! 😫💔 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss, I am glad you found your way here and that you are able to express yourself, as it does help.  It may not be enough though, for right now you could definitely use a grief pet counselor if anyone could!  I hope you will look for one asap.  

I also considered my Arlie my soulmate in a dog, he was everything to me, my companion, best friend, loyal, considerate, goofy and fun, the sweetest dog that ever was!  He got inoperable cancer and I took care of him to the best of my ability, he lived two years 7 months beyond diagnosis.  I felt the day he died that the sun stopped shining.  Having lost my husband 17 years ago, I had tools at my fingertips, I knew not to compare what was with what is as it'd devalue any good in the day...yet it's hard not to when it's in your face like that.  Getting through each day alone was so tough!  Within months, Covid hit and changed everything so I became even more alone!  My son brought me Kodie...conceived when Arlie died, born on my birthday.  He was named Kobie but when my son sent me a video and pictures, the name Kodie popped into my head out of nowhere...not knowing the breeder gave them names...when my son came to my house he brought this wiggly ball of fluff and tossed the papers, collar, and tag down on the table...the tag read "Kodie."  I was stunned!  Kodie it was then.  I was equally stunned to learn of when his conception and birthdate were!  Like it was meant to be and maybe Arlie even had a paw in it!  He was nothing like Arlie except the sweet part and also very considerate...he is totally an emotional support dog (and my service dog), by nature!  He is in whatever room I am in, the sweetest little thing (Arlie was huge, 140 lbs at his biggest).  I love them both with all my heart.  He could potentially take me to age 83, after that....I don't want to think about.  I am 70 now.

"Get better?"  Grief is hard at best, it doesn't happen overnight, not any time soon!  Don't worry about what people think or say.  You know yourself how you are.  Why did this happen, I don't think there's an answer that would suffice, just that we're in an imperfect world where there is great unfairness and injustice...and these sweet souls testify to that!  

Please discard your thoughts of throwing your life away...give yourself the gift of time to make your way through this, which is not easy or quick, of doing your due diligence to grief work. 
Grief Work
Grief Work
Grieving the Death of a Pet...It's NOT just a pet, it's a family member.
Pet Loss Counseling
I hope this brings you some thoughts of comfort and peace....

It may not present exactly like this, but belief in something next for them...for us...it helps, tremendously!

 

[hollysmom]

I understand how you feel. The first couple months after my girl left, all I thought of was suicide, just 24/7. Now it’s been about 7.5 months and the pain is still there, and it isn’t any less, but somehow I’m still living with it. I’m learning to live with it. But things like “move on” or the like, that never has to apply. My mother kept asking me (I no longer have contact with her) how long I was going to be sad, starting very soon after my baby left, and I realized it isn’t right. We grieve as long as we want on our own time. That’s it. We don’t have to “move on” or “get over it” or anything. 

[foreverhis]

On 10/10/2022 at 3:28 AM, mrkobe4rever said:

. people expect it to “get better” with time..

I'm so sorry you lost your dear Kobe.  What wonderful pictures!  What a character he must have been and how blessed you were to have each other.  When we lose our "soul pet" (that one animal companion who is special above all others), it feels as if the world has stopped spinning, we find it hard to breathe, and each day is full of heartache.  We understand, truly.

I'd like to talk a little bit about what I quoted above.  The problem (well, one of many) is that it takes months and even years, not days and weeks, for deep grief to evolve.  Everyone wants us to go back to "normal" because our grief can be so uncomfortable for them.  But that's not the way it works.  Yet grief does not stay the same.  Over those months and sometimes years, it becomes lighter and easier to carry.  Gradually the crushing weight gives way to hope and light.  While this grief never goes away, it does not remain the all-and-everything it feels to you now.

Your loss and grief are so new, raw, and painful that for a time every day will seem harder or at least, not better.  For now, just take each day at a time, take care of yourself, and simply breathe.  Please don't give up and don't give in to those thoughts of ending your own life.  Most of us have felt that way, especially in the beginning.  That's one reason it's important to think about today and getting through it, even if you have to live it one hour or one minute at a time.  It's so hard to live without the one we love most in the world, the one who was always there with us and for us, as we are for them.  I wish I had magic words to help, but I've found that there simply aren't any.  Just know that you are not alone and I will keep you in my thoughts tonight.

[DogMom1]

I am so sorry for your loss! To say that I can relate would be a massive understatement. I just lost my Lil Girl to Cushing's disease last Sunday and definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever had to endure.

Here are some things that have been helping me:

I wrote her a letter telling her about her life from her human Mom's perspective. Her birthday, her dog parents, her beauty and most of all how much I love/loved her.

I made her a memory shadow box. Her name tag, favorite toy, paw print, etc. Then I placed a flameless candle near all of that; of which stays on 24/7.

I started reading alot of the grief support posts and links/articles that @KayC posted. Thank goodness for kind people like her that can empathize and sympathize. Although, I am sorry that she and you have had to endure this kind of pain! It most definitely is life altering.

 

Don't give up on yourself, I know your dog wouldn't have wanted you to give up either. That's what I keep telling myself anyway

[KayC]

Suicidal thoughts come to most of us in early grief, I'm glad you resisted, I know it's very hard to process, each person's timetable is unique to them, take however long it takes, even if it's the rest of your life...it's yours to determine.  I assume you no longer have contact with your mom because of the things she said early on.  When you are ready, IF you are ready, you might have a talk with her and tell her you can have contact IF she refrains from making such remarks, otherwise, no.  Then it's up to her to comply or lose your company.

Meanwhile you are in our thoughts and we hope with and for you for some of the pain to abate some.

 

[mrkobe4rever]

I haven’t been able to work since he passed. I’ve been seeing a therapist which doesn’t seem to be doing anything. I wake up each day in disbelief.. i only have 3 emotions.. numb, angry and broken. 😭😫😖 Idk wtd anymore. He was my motivation and happiness. People around me have sucked my whole life including my family..he was it! He was the only constant good thing in my life! 😭😭💔 I don’t care about anything anymore.. everything is meaningless. 

He was only 8yrs old which is really young for chihuahuas. 😫 He’s gone through so much. He even had an AALux surgery and survived that! He fought to stay alive. Then 3 months after during recovery.. he goes in for a routine procedure that required anesthesia and they gave him back to me with aspiration pneumonia! A routine procedure! Aspiration pneumonia due to anesthesia is something that could’ve been avoided and is an instant lawsuit if it happened to a human! I couldn’t stay with him the whole time because they had him in an O2 cage so
I told them to call if his status changes.. I only live 8min away.. I get a call while already on my way that he was having a hard time breathing..2min away.. I rush inside and they gave my baby to me gone!! 😭😭😭 Why did they call me so late..was nobody watching?? I told them I wanted to be there to make sure he was comfortable..instead he died alone with strangers! 😭💔💔💔 

He was doing so well with his recovery, I can’t accept it at all! 😖😖😖 I don’t wanna be here without him. 😭 He was all I had.

[KayC]

OMG, I understand your feelings so totally, our pets are our babies, and esp. that every once in a while when you have one that is really special...they are different to different people, but to me, they are everything to me.  

Could it be that he just went really fast, so fast there wasn't time for a warning enough to let you get there?

I am sorry your grief therapist isn't helping, I hope you'll consider trying another, the right fit is important.   It might help to go to a grief support group, esp. one with pets in mind.

Sending you thoughts of comfort and peace as you try to make sense of something that just doesn't...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

[hollysmom]

I know exactly how you feel. My girl was my whole world. She was who I loved most, really the only one I loved. I don’t have family that I love at all, and every day without my girl even after 8 months I can’t accept or believe it and don’t want to be here without her. You are not alone in your feelings, I understand you. Your baby was lucky to have you as a parent, it seems like you were soulmates. I’m so sorry you were not able to be there for his final moments, I know how absolutely devastating that must be, I wish I could bring you back in time to change that for you. 

[furbabymama1]

wow....hard..., its good your facing forward with the therapy, 

while your raw  here is a good place to express your emotions

others here  will show you, another aspect of people..The furbaby's bring us

into a better lifestyle, and closer to our spiritual best self.

I promise you by sharing your story, and yours is GOOD, what a great

deed you did, by taking on the path of this medical needs doggy...your 

going be blessed again, happiness is not reserved but it comes round

when things settle, and you give, and you will be recieving the light of

comfort..the light of higher love too.

 

[AJWCat]

Wow I am heartbroken reading this. I'd be devastated walking in to pick up my dog to then have him having passed. I am so sorry. Very traumatic. 

Wish I had good words. All I can hope for you is peace. I lost my cat in a horrific (maybe some sort of poisoning) way too, in an emergency vet, out of town, on a Saturday night right during dinner. 

It's taken me a long time to recover.