Cancer...

[Teepo]

I don't know where to start.  I am at a loss.  My mother and I really haven't been too close over the years.  I'm an only child, I'm 35 now, but it was a tumultuous childhood.  

My mother has an aggressive Cancer and it is killing her.  I can't take it.  Work I'm distracted, she lives a bit away from me, but I managed to arrange for her to get to the hospital once she coughed up blood and it seems to have fully accelerated.  I just can't take this.  I finally cried the other day when her close friend called to check on me.  I go visit my mom, she seems to not even want me there.

It's painful.  It hurts.  I have no idea what to do.  I fear I'll be alone when I die.  I've never seen her in this condition, it's heartbreaking.  I don't know what to do to help.  I feel that I can't help.  I miss my mom.  Even with our torrid disagreements.  I'm hoping she'll at least be able to go through the speech therapy, after the trach, but they can't go forward with anything until she stabilizes.  I want to see her, but not going to lie, when she sees me, her vitals go through the roof.  I'm sad, I'm broken, I'm afraid...

[reader]

Dear Teepo,

(((hugs))) My thoughts are with you and your mom. It's really hard. I want so much for you to have additional supports during this very difficult time. Please consider talking to the hospital staff, social worker  or doctor. There are programs and resources in the community or through church that could help you. 

Sending all my prayers. x