How does one love someone this much...and then not be able to express it to them

[Robert D.]

This is really hard....as the days are increasing...to love my JoAnn so much, ...to have expressed it so much to her...and then nothing.....not be able to receive her love....nor give it to her.....as i so much love to do.......This is the hardest part for me.... it's like everything that you have with the one you love is yanked up into the air ...shaken out and turned over .. and the only thing that fell back to the earth was you.... in a million pieces.....

 

[widower2]

I get what you're saying to say the least, but it seems to me you're expressing it very well. She just can't respond directly (for now). 

[DWS]

For now, Robert, this is where you take to heart about doing this a day at a time. A shattered world of a million pieces is a hard task to start putting back together. Right now, you concentrate on your own health and sanity and getting through the day...because in all essence, your wife's love for you wants that. Taking care of all things that she treasured...including you...is a way of expressing and continuing your love for her. It sounds like a shared love experience so in the strangest turnabout way, maybe taking care of ourselves is continuing and expressing love for our partners and spouses.

[Robert D.]

DWS. ....Very comforting...and good advice! Very hard to do... but......working on it......thank you!

[BohoKat]

@DWS had great advice. As you pointed out Robert, taking care of yourself is so difficult when you see nothing but grey skies without your love. What superglue are you using to reassemble your million pieces?

[Robert D.]

BohoKat....Yes .  DWS did have great advice! The Lord.....the 'Super' Scriptures.....Hour by hour....Thank you BohoKat!! I believe the Lord is about to come and get us pretty soon and I'm very excited about it.. and it gives me a lot of Hope..  I'm not really in a million pieces.. but I feel like I am.. however, the Lord has taken care of me my whole life and I know that he will see me through this too...God bless! Robert

[Ronni_W]

On 9/29/2022 at 1:14 PM, Robert D. said:

This is really hard....as the days are increasing...to love my JoAnn so much, ...to have expressed it so much to her...and then nothing.....not be able to receive her love....nor give it to her.....as i so much love to do.......This is the hardest part for me.... it's like everything that you have with the one you love is yanked up into the air ...shaken out and turned over .. and the only thing that fell back to the earth was you.... in a million pieces.....

Robert D, if I may offer a different way: You say that you cannot, anymore, receive her love. But, is that because she stopped loving you just because she died, or because you have now closed-off your heart from remembering (or, perhaps, hoping to forget, in some sense) that it still can feel the love that she gave to you when she was still here in person?

It's NOT that I have my own answer to that question -- I most certainly don't. So, I paid C$285 to see what I could find out to help me through my own grief and sense of loss and being left alone, through an 'akashic (metaphysical) reader'.

Like you, I still don't actually sense anything from my life partner. That is, for me, it still is also just a "nothing". But. Maybe that's on us, and not on them, that we're afraid to still keep our heart open? Because, having done that in the past...it just ends up paining so much. I've only just started to *try* to open it up a little bit. I  do my best to NOT have an 'silent space' in my mind. Scares the crap outta me, what may come out of that. But. Don't mean that they stopped loving us, just because they died from their earth-physical body.

It ain't easy. I don't even feel like I "fell back to Earth in a million pieces". More like I never even left Earth, and just got cut up into a million pieces while I was still here.

[DWS]

7 hours ago, Ronni_W said:

Robert D, if I may offer a different way: You say that you cannot, anymore, receive her love. But, is that because she stopped loving you just because she died, or because you have now closed-off your heart from remembering (or, perhaps, hoping to forget, in some sense) that it still can feel the love that she gave to you when she was still here in person?

Ronni....what a really sweet way of looking at this. All of us here feel the love and its continuance because of the remembering. I know, for myself personally, that my love for Tom and my understanding of what love is and does, has become so blatant and prominent throughout this awful time because of the memories at this point. This loss, the void, and the emptiness has sent us into agonizing, lonely times of remembering and analyzing all that was here...and this unending grief we now have is due to the love that grows from all that we remember not to mention the things we had forgotten but has now been recollected. So yes, we're still receiving love from them.

[Ronni_W]

DWS, thank you SO MUCH for pointing that out! 💓. It will sound maybe me 'lacking self-awareness' -- but I've been working so hard to find the 'sweetness' in my memories and longing and missing my husband.  So...maybe I do already have the 'seeds' of it, but have just, so far, lacked the self-awareness to put it all together.

When I responded to Robert D., it was that I didn't yet have my own 'inner answers'...but, kind of...already at that time some 'inspired insights' were pointing me in the direction that you've now helped me to go back to contemplate, again.

I have been avoiding, at all costs, leaving my mind (heart) open for the 'time and space' for any of my positive, loving, happy, self-affirming memories. DWS, I'm going to start trying to open up that space...even if, at the beginning, just a little bit. Thank you, again.     Love and hugs, Ronni

[DWS]

On the point of remembering and the love that comes forth from that...I have a pair of oven mitts that Tom included in his gifts the first Christmas we spent together. Up to that point, I had been using a grungy, old pair with a slight rip in them for years. Me being me, I'll make use of something for as long as I can and those mitts definitely were on their last legs. Tom noticed that and knew they could be a hazard to me so on that Christmas day, I opened up a box containing a fancy-schmancy pair of bright red silicone oven mitts to ensure that I won't burn my hands.  Of course, I'm still using them and I feel Tom's love each time I reach for them. They're bright red for crying out loud...can't be more blatant than that!

[Robert D.]

DWS.....Tom loved you!... and he did for you what men who truly love do.....that which he is still doing....watching over you....

 

 

[KayC]

On 9/29/2022 at 3:22 PM, widower2 said:

I get what you're saying to say the least, but it seems to me you're expressing it very well. She just can't respond directly (for now). 

Yes, exactly!  We continue to express our love for them and while I'm sure they still feel it they aren't able to convey it to us...that part of the bible about looking through a glass darkly and then face to face...all in due time!  I know it seems incredibly long here and now to waft through but in time this will be but a moment...