It was just a box

[BohoKat]

It was just a wooden box, not very big. Mark made it himself, back when we all went from checks to cards, with slots for receipts. My daughter handles my finances now so it has sat empty and forlorn since he passed in spring 2021, He was happiest in his garden or garage/ wood shop. The box’s construction was meticulous but since he recycled materials and it was just for him it wasn’t pretty enough and Goodwill wouldn’t take it. So, today, it having lived it’s useful life, it went in the trash can. It took everything I had and I can’t stop crying. All the mornings I would wake up to him at his desk, coffee in hand, stereo low, keeping the good ship Brandhuber afloat by sorting in the box. I have furniture and other things he made, but why does something so simple have to be so hard??????

[KayC]

Oh Hon, I'm so sorry.  Because it was made by him!  Part of him!  A connection to him you feel now severed.  Take a picture of it, someone told me that once when having a hard time getting rid of things (which I still have not done)...but when the time comes, yes I will take pictures.  And at the very least, it's in your heart and memories, where no one can destroy.

[foreverhis]

I so understand this.  My John was a woodworker (for fun) too.  He made beautiful things, mostly outdoor projects.  Every year now, I clean all three of the Greene & Greene (Craftsman) style watering hubs he designed and built.  Then I take his favorite tung oil and rub it in to a shine.  And every year, when I smell that familiar aroma and watch the tung oil soak in, my heart breaks a little.  He was in the middle of a big project when he was diagnosed, so even though he tried his best to work on it between chemo sessions, he didn't finish it.  Pieces and parts of it are scattered through his workshop.  I see them, I sigh, and I wish so much he had been able to finish his glorious design.

We cry over the small things that others might find insignificant because they are so much a part of our soulmates.  Their hands created these objects with love and care; they put themselves into them and so a part of their love remains.  When we decide it's time to say goodbye to some item or another, it's as if we have to "let go" of that part of the person we love most in the world.  It's another moment of accepting the reality that our soulmates are no longer here with us on this earth.  And it's as if we've lost them all over again.

I'm sorry.  I know how much it hurts.

[Robert D.]

19 hours ago, foreverhis said:

He was in the middle of a big project when he was diagnosed, so even though he tried his best to work on it between chemo sessions, he didn't finish it.  Pieces and parts of it are scattered through his workshop.  I see them, I sigh, and I wish so much he had been able to finish his glorious design.

foreverhis.....My beloved JoAnn had a beloved friend for over 50 years, named Sherry. She died 5 years ago. Sherry was midway into a quilt that she was making for a lady friend when she died. My beloved JoAnn not only took care of her friend Sherry for her last 2 weeks....she finished Sherry's quilt, after Sherry died, and gave it to the lady Sherry was making it for. This Saturday is my wife's celebration of life. When I speak there....at some point I'm going to take the fabric still sitting on my wife's sewing machine....and the squares sitting nearby, that my lovely JoAnn had cut out to make a quilt with....and give them to the friend of Sherry's that my wife JoAnn had finished Sherry's quilt for. Not sure how emotional I will get....but I am going to do this....and then say something like.....Your turn now......KayC...I do like the idea of taking pictures of things before you let them go too.....great advice. Just last week I went to rite aid and had all my pictures of my beloved JoAnn printed out....so I would have them.

[LMR]

I'm so sorry. When I first lost my love we had a discussion here about not being able to throw away his underpants. It wasn't that they were especially sentimental items, I realised that it was because it meant he wouldn't be needing them anymore and I wasn't ready to accept that. Had I been able to stay in our home they would still be in the drawer and everything else would be in its usual place. Unfortunately that wasn't possible and I do regret the loss of things but I also have boxes of items I saved that I have no room for and most of the time cannot bear to look at. Something he made himself would be really hard and I feel for you. The box was something he used all the time so you would automatically think of him whenever you looked at it. I too took photos of things I couldn't keep. Don't rush things, if you can, wait.