Members Popular Post MP28 Posted September 15, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 15, 2022 I lost my person 5 months ago and see no light anymore. The future I envisioned is no longer possible and I am so lost. Nothing gives me hope. There is no escape. I can't live the rest of my life without him. It's too much. The only thing that brings me peace is thinking of not having to carry this pain with me anymore. I don't want to be here. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Denise Petty Posted September 15, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 15, 2022 HI, No matter what I am going to say will make a difference, However I will be praying for you. Please don't do anything to yourself. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted September 15, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 15, 2022 I have been where you are now. Day after day of saying, "Honey, I can't do this alone. I don't want to be here. You need to come get me now." I didn't want to keep going and only our daughter and granddaughter gave me reason to not completely lose it. I never made any sort of plans, but for more than a year I'd think about how nice it would be to simply be gone, to hopefully be reunited with John and our two most special animal companions, who I have faith were waiting for him at the Rainbow Bridge. Then slowly, so slowly that I didn't realize it for months, I started taking little steps forward (not moving on; not getting over; I don't believe we do that). At about 2 years, I "looked back" on my journey and realized that I was able to get out of bed and have small things to look forward to each day. I no longer wanted to be "gone" all the time. The crushing, unbearable weight of my grief started to shift and lighten as I learned to carry it with me. It was no longer everything because I had been able to bring 35 years of marriage with all the loving, silly, wonderful, and even the boring day-to-day memories to mix in with the painful months of his cancer fight and the aftermath. It won't seem like it now, but time really does help. The cliche of "one day, one hour, even one minute at a time" is a cliche because it's true. I still do not look too far into the future because it's too scary, confusing, or upsetting. But after 4 years, I can look a small way down the road and I can look forward to being with people I love, in part because I bring John with me and he is present for me and for all of us. These first months and even years feel impossible. When I made my way here at about 6 months, I was lost and feeling hopeless even though I had and still have a small, loving, loyal circle of friends and family who are here fo me. It helped so much to just let out everything to caring members who I knew understood in ways no one else did. One piece of advice I took to heart was to look for something good in each day, no matter how small is was. An unexpected flower, a Peregrine swooping overhead, our granddaughter's voice. It did not matter what, just a tiny spark of light or hope. And after a while, I didn't have to force myself to look, but instead simply found those small things that helped me get through the hardest days. I still have painful days and don't kid myself into thinking that there will come a time when I don't. Those days are no longer constant and the waves of grief aren't as deep or overpowering--most of the time. Being here gave me both comfort and understanding. I hope you find that too. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 16, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted September 16, 2022 19 hours ago, MP28 said: The only thing that brings me peace is thinking of not having to carry this pain with me anymore. That was the same with me, I console myself with the thought, "At least George is out of it now..." He doesn't have to go through Covid or inflation or the insane laws/mandates the gov't makes (electric cars when we live 50 miles from anything)! I feel our world has gone plumb nuts and am so glad my husband isn't here to see it. But then a part of me feels, "Well if only George were here to go through this with me, at least we could weather things together." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Jemiga70 Posted September 19, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 19, 2022 @MP28 I'm so sorry. I can relate to how youve been feeling. My wife passed 16.5 months ago. There are still days when I dont know what I'm doing here or why. Why do I have to still be here? I'm still young (52) and have my health, but there's no way I can look down the road to the future, because the future I wanted won't happen and it would seem I have years to go because I'm healthy. Today Ive been gripped by a sadness so profound, a longing so deep for my wife, missing her physical presence so much... you really think youre going to die from heartbreak. I'm amazed by my forgetfulness. Ive become so absent minded. In fact just now I forget I was boiling water for spaghetti. Really the only thing keeping me going is that I'm developing a knowing that life continues beyond physical death and that one day we will meet again. Others here have said it and I do it when I can, and that is to look for even 1 tiny thing to be grateful for, just 1 tiny thing. I hope you can find some tiny bit of something to hold on to. 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Brazil Man Posted September 19, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 19, 2022 On 9/15/2022 at 1:20 PM, MP28 said: There is no escape. It' just a momentary stituation. Escape will come in the future. On 9/15/2022 at 1:20 PM, MP28 said: I can't live the rest of my life without him I was 52 when my wife passed. Now I am 56. I have average 25 years ahead. It's a lot of time because I decided to live alone ( no dating, nothing...). I see no meaning in a relatioship anymore. But 4 years have already gone by and I keeep going on. I still grieve and cry for her but now I am used to the grief. If you intend to be alone now, in the future you may change your mind or continue alone. The future belongs to God. Just believe Him. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SSC Posted September 22, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2022 I am 55, my husband died 4 years ago and I can’t imagine being with someone else. I have not dated even tho I am lonely and I miss being part of a couple. I refuse to put myself “out there” so I have to learn to be my own best friend and do things alone. Traveling is the most difficult but like @Jemiga70 I too am healthy and the future I wanted is gone forever. However, I don’t think of myself as young anymore. I considered myself as old and I hope the good lord takes me from this earth soon because living this way in a constant holding pattern is just plain miserable. 3 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted September 22, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2022 SSC.....I'm 56. .my beloved wife Joann left to be with the Lord on August 11, 2022....she was 72. She was as young at 72 as she was at 49....Entirely the same person......I met my beloved JoAnn when I was 32 and she was 49. She was and is the most wonderful, selfless and pleasant person I will ever know......She was that way the entire 23 years....precious beyond understanding. This lonliness is really hard....I'm lonely for her primarily....and then just lonely period....no sound in the house....no one talking to me....it truly is something that I don't believe we as humans are meant to experience...or endure...I really don't.....yet, I, too, don't want anyone but JoAnn; but i completely understand not wanting to put yourself out there.......it wasn't long ago that Jo and i were happily living our lives...until she got sick in June.....I don't like what was forced on Jo and I.....it really is unbearable, ...the consequences of her passing, as you say...a "constant holding pattern"......This Saturday is our celebration for Jo.....After that, and already,.. I pretty much am just existing till the Lord takes me too. God bless! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Lost7 Posted September 23, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 23, 2022 SSC and Robert I think it's so beautiful that you both are so devoted to your soul mates. I too feel the same. It is really shocking that my husband died before me as I was 6 years his senior he was only 54 years old I turned 60 and he died four days later. I loved him so much. Our 37 years together felt like 37 months we laughed and giggled and played our whole life together. I just don't think I could ever be in love like that again it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing. Robert I will be praying for you as you do your celebration of life of Joann Saturday. Blessings to both of you I will be praying for you. Hugs Lost7 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted September 23, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2022 Lost7.....I appreciate that so much....thank you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post tlc Posted September 23, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted September 23, 2022 I too am four and a half years out from the loss of my champion, my soulmate and the love of my life. Yes, I do survive so far day to day. Why and how I don't know but yet still here I am. Still kicking! I will never be with anyone else despite the loneliness because no one could ever fill his shoes so to speak. I am totally resigned to living what days that I have left to being alone but that said, I know that he is still watching over me. Actually, can't wait to go "home" to him. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted September 23, 2022 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted September 23, 2022 I look back at 52 as so young...the things I took for granted! Before I had all these injuries and permanent damage to toes, knees, hands... The time to rebuild is now, yet just when you don't feel it. Time passed me by now, I turn 70 in a couple of weeks. I'd like to forget it....I look in the mirror and am way more wrinkled. I wonder if he'd notice? I doubt it, he always looked at me with rose colored glasses. Gosh I miss my guy. It's been so long... 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted September 23, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2022 KayC.....He would never see them ... just like now he only sees the moon is still over your shoulder and the stars are still shining above friend..... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MP28 Posted September 26, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2022 It's hard because I'm only 31 and my love who died was only 34. He was my future. I'm grieving him and the loss of our future together. I never loved anyone the way I loved him. He was supposed to be in my life forever. I wanted to have kids with him. What am I supposed to do now? Our time together was so short. I am completely broken and life has no purpose anymore. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Robert D. Posted September 26, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2022 MP28.....I want you to know that I just prayed to the Lord for you. I lost my beloved wife of 23 years on August 11, 2022. I know what you are going through,...as does everyone here. It is immense sorrow and grief that only you and all of us can understand....and even we can't fully know what this is...the loss of someone we desperately love, and all the consequences because of it. I'm not sure if you are new here ..but keep coming here...you will find comfort and understanding from others who know exactly what you are feeling and going through....that falling... a thousand miles an hour...with no net thing. There is great advice from wonderful people in here. We all want you to do well.....and be comforted....God bless!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lost7 Posted September 26, 2022 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2022 Mp28 Griefing is so suffocating. I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be praying for God to give you strength to take one minute at a time and just try to breathe. Blessings Lost7 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted September 26, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted September 26, 2022 MP28, am praying for you as well.. Good advice here...one day at a time and remember to breathe. Take care of yourself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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