Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

My dad OD’ed


Hannahleigh

Recommended Posts

  • Members

My dad died about two months ago, and it is just now setting in. He was 51, and they think he passed away from an overdose. He also had bipolar disorder. For the past five years or so, our relationship has been strained. At first it was girlfriends who would take up his attention, and then eventually psychosis/delusions. He moved away to the east coast very suddenly and I never knew why. Eventually, he started having delusions that people in his phone could hear him and that they were trying to find him, so he would change his number around three times a week, making it hard to contact him. I always tried to let him know I loved him. Our last call was difficult because he started yelling at me for no reason, and I ended up crying in the bathroom of a coffee shop. It was a constant paradox of wanting to have some sort of connection with him, but knowing that calling him would mean the possibility of getting hurt, if he was having a bad day. But genuinely, I know he did his best with what he was given. It’s hard to wrestle with the fact that some people just seem to get more than their fair share to hardship in life, and he was one of these people. He was such a fun dad and I have so many good memories of when I was younger. He would write us poems and give everything he had to people on the streets he would meet. I just want to honor him in some way. Now, I’m away from my family in college and it’s isolating. I find myself resenting others because they haven’t gone through the loss of a parent. I feel a disconnect from others, from my schoolwork, and from a sense of self. Today I skipped my classes to sit in my car before work and just process. I feel like I need a week to grieve and figure things out, but life is continuing “as normal” in every other respect but that and I can’t slow it down to breathe. 

  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Valerie Lockhart

Dear Hannahleigh,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. Coping with death and mental illness is very difficult. I understand your feelings of guilt, but you are not to blame. Ask yourself this, ‘What human is granted full control over the actions of another human?’ You tried your best, and your father knew that you loved him. I've found that while the Bible is not a health-care book, it provides practical guidance that can help us to cope with painful emotions and distressing circumstances. I've learned that the Bible can also give us hope for a future when life on earth will be free of illness and pain. God’s Word promises: “At that time the eyes of the blind will be opened, and the ears of the deaf will be unstopped. At that time the lame will leap like the deer, and the tongue of the speechless will shout for joy.”—Isaiah 35:5, 6. Be assured that “God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.” (1 John 3:20) He knows better than any human the factors and circumstances that may have contributed to your father's distressed state. He also knows you—better than you know yourself. (Psalm 139:1-3) Thus, you can be confident that he understands what you are going through. When your grief seems overwhelming, recall the words of Psalm 55:22: “Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, and he himself will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to totter.”

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Hannahleigh,

I send you my deepest condolences on the loss of your dad. Although he struggled with mental illness which affected his behaviour, he sounded at heart, like a truly giving man. I am sure you were loved very much by him. Mental illness robs so many families - mine included. It's so very unfair.

You mentioned you want to honor him somehow and I understand. It is really early in your grief though and you need to honor yourself first. This means allowing the sadness and any other feelings that might come along to be expressed. Not overloading yourself is important too and I know how hard that is with school and all you've got going on. Being away from family must be really hard too, as you go through the early days of your grief. 

Is there a way to make talking with and keeping in touch with them, a part of your schedule? Do you have siblings and your mom you can share your feelings with? Feeling resentful of other people who haven't experienced loss is normal. I have someone in my life I feel that way about. It's hard to watch them take things for granted that I would give anything to have again. 

When you feel stronger and are in a better place, you could honor your dad by educating others about mental illness or bi-polar disorder specifically. You could organize a run or something in his memory and donate the proceeds to a mental health group. Or when your schedule allows, volunteer (maybe in the summer) to help out at a fund raiser for mental illness. Heavens knows it is severely under funded. 

These are things you can think about down the road. Maybe find out if your school offers grief counselling or just counselling in general. Its easy to get overwhelmed when as you say, life around you is passing by in a flurry of normality, but you're on a different wavelength.  And that's okay. One thing that has helped me a lot is keeping a journal. I keep a separate one for just writing to my mom in. It's like I'm writing her a letter, telling her anything and everything I feel like. 

Wishing you courage and peace. Xo

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Hannahleigh,

 

I know grieving is different for everyone. I felt isolated a lot. Especially when deep inside me, I just wanted someone to ask “how are you?” eventhough they know I won’t be replying. I felt more isolated and lonely, felt that nobody care about me in the world. I lost my dad only recently. And he meant everything to me, I lost my only supporter and the person who understands me. My mum would try but it is different. 
 

I taken a different approach to healing, I tried all my effort to not think and listen to different things and audiobooks. The similar way of how I do like others is keep myself occupied with different chores, work and exercises.

 

Do feel free to reach out.

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.