Jump to content

Losing my Grandad


Wildatheart92

Recommended Posts

  • Members
Wildatheart92

Hi everyone, 

I’ve been searching for a forum to post in as I’m really struggling and there doesn’t seem to be easy access to grief services where I’m located.

I lost my Grandad on the 7th of July this year, the day before my 30th birthday. He had a massive stroke in March and then caught covid when he was in hospital, at that point I thought he was going to die, but he managed to keep going for a while after. However the covid really began to finish him off and then it was a slow decline from then, everything was very up and down and so stressful. On top of this, there were several very complex and challenging things happening within my immediate family that really piled the pressure on.

We were so close, he was definitely more of a Dad to me than a Grandad. I didn’t meet my biological father until I was 22 and my relationship with my mum has been very difficult and complex. My Grandad was such an amazing man and such a positive, supportive and constant person in my life who never let me down.

Watching him die so slowly and in so much pain was so difficult, and although I’m so glad he isn’t suffering anymore and that I got to be with him in those last months and when he died, I’m struggling so much with the fact that he’s gone and also feel like I’m dealing with a lot of the trauma of the past couple of months.

I’m finding it really hard to cope with normal life and miss him so much. I’ve got an amazing support network, my girlfriend is fantastic and I have wonderful friends, but I feel very lost in ways that I could never have anticipated. I’m normally extremely busy as well and have many plates that I’m normally able to spin at any given time. Even when my grandad was really sick I still managed to get a distinction in my university hand in, to be honest I was spurred on by him because he’s always been so supportive and has wanted me to do well. But now I’m struggling and just feel like the grief is getting worse. 
 

I know it’s still early days though, although due to the many months leading up to his death I feel like it’s been going on for much longer. I also know that the grief of someone so close and so wonderful isn’t necessarily something you ever get over, it’s just so hard.

  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dear Wildatheart,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your beloved granddad sounds like an amazing man. It is incredibly hard to cope with such a huge loss. I know I felt raw for almost 2 years.

Please know we are here with you. I also found these websites very helpful.

Aging Care

Grief in Common

What's Your Grief

Grief Healing Blog

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Wandering Soul

Hello, Wildatheart92.

Everyone has such a different grieving journey - even the length of time for the various stages of grieving is different for each of us!  You've experienced a very recent loss and you're clearly still working through the grieving process.  Those of us on this forum know how difficult this is!  I'm glad you found us and I'm glad that you are here.

It sounds like your grandfather was such a kind, loving, supportive force in your life.  From your post, I can see how dear and special he was to you!  I'm so very sorry for your loss.  

Since your grandfather was a father figure to you, I'll be relating in that manner.  My father had some of the same qualities that your grandfather had!  It's extremely painful when that person in your life who champions you on, who loves you unconditionally passes away.  Life suddenly feels empty, even hollow.  I'm grateful you have a supportive network in place, that's certainly helpful.  I too had a supportive network around me but I still felt alone.  Looking back with clarity, I needed to find a place where I could go to "be with" others who have shared similar experiences.  This forum was my first attempt.  Perhaps you'll find this a source of healing too.  

Time does help... it doesn't take all of the pain and sadness away, but it does seem to become less intense in many ways.  I think this is because my grief has slowly morphed into intense gratitude for the time I had with my father and the precious memories that we made together.  All along I've been grateful for those memories with my Dad, but now I hold on to them with great care.  I have learned to deeply cherish them. 

I've found that there are still unexpected triggers (sights, sounds, smells, etc.) that bring back very strong memories and sadness, but the recovery time from these events is much less as time continues to march forward.

I work to keep my father's memory alive and this has helped me through the grieving process.  He lives on in the memories and hearts of others as well.  Over time, I realized he's still here, just not physically.  Keep your grandfather's memory alive.  Find ways to honor him - this could be privately or publicly, in small or great ways.  For example, I donated the music my Dad had accumulated during his musical career to known local fellow musicians who shared the same talent.  He can no longer perform those pieces himself, but others sure can.  This brings peace and joy to my heart - it "beats down" the sadness.  Yes, my father's song has ended, but the melody lingers on now in the hands and musical talent of others.  It's taken awhile to get this this point, but I believe you can do it too, in time.  

Love is a priceless, absolutely amazing gift.  Although death takes away some of the people most precious to us, it doesn't take away their love for us or our love for them.  It's no longer spoken or shown through actions, but it remains and still is very real.  His unfortunate passing didn't take that gift away from you!  What a gift you received.  What a gift you continue to give to your grandfather!  May it live on and continue to flourish in your heart.

I can't speak for your grandfather, but I have a feeling he would still be championing you on in life. Keep at it, I believe he would want you to!  Don't give up.  You can do this.  Be kind to yourself during this tender time in your life.  My wish for you is that you can find peace.

If you need to reach out again, please do so.

Wandering Soul

 

 

 

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.