daddy’s girl

[Daddys girl kw]

hi guys

i just want to say that i miss my dad . he died on may , guys i miss him , i don’t even see him in my dreams , guys i miss him so much he was my friend too and a very intellectual person i loved talking to him ,i miss him guys , i feel empty inside, i’m sad .

[Wandering Soul]

Hello, Daddys girl kw!

I'm glad that you posted this.  I was super close to my father as well, and so I can can relate to your deep feelings of sadness.  When my father abruptly passed on, my world crashed.  He was my my rock, my mentor, my defender, my best friend.  As time has passed, it has become a little easier to deal with the feelings of loss although they remain.  I don't know if this will help you, but I try very hard to focus on how blessed I was to have him as a father, all the wonderful moments we had and the laughter we shared together.  I savor those moments deeply.  For those days that I miss him the most, I pull out some of his cologne and spray a little on my wrist and it makes me feel like he's just around the corner, or just left a room.  Most of all, it makes him still feel close.  I hope you can find healing.  I know it's hard.  You're not alone. 

Thinking of you.

Sincerely, 

Wandering Soul

[Daddys girl kw]

hello wondering soul

thank you so much for your kind words, my sister found peace with the same way you’re dealing with your grief over your dad she has his pictures on her dressing mirror , she talks to him , i am really happy for her , but for me it’s hard when i see his picture i feel deep sadness in my soul , i know he’s gone i don’t feel his presence, i don’t dream of him , i don’t feel him around …. ahhhhh what can i say i hope he is in much happier place in which ever form he is right now , sometimes i’m ok with it feeling so much pride of having him as a father other times i’m really broken today i cried in my car all the way to his/ now my mother’s home. i feel a chunk of me is missing , a sense of weird emptiness, it made me what’s the word for it …. sorry english is not my native language… it made me harder on myself and others … i am careless to others … not cruel .. but just prefers to stay alone … except for my mother, brother and sister 

[Wandering Soul]

Hello, Daddys girl kw, 

First, I think you're doing well communicating in a language that is not native to you!  I'm not here to criticize your words, grammar, etc. - I'm just here to listen to another who is struggling with the loss of their parent!  So, don't worry about not having the right word...that's not a problem!

I'm very sorry that you had a rough day a few days ago.  I'm happy for your sister as well; it sounds like she's finding her way to the other side of her grief journey rather easily.  All of us have such a different grieving journey... it isn't easy for all of us though!  It took me over a year to find my way through such sadness.... it may be the same or longer for you. 

Just like you, I know how hard it can be to look at pictures of your father.  It can strike up such deep feelings of sadness and reminds us of a loved one that now seems so far away.  Maybe now isn't the time to look at pictures of your beloved father, and that's okay! 

I don't know your father, but I agree with you.  I hope he's in a much happier place, in whatever form he may be. 

I know what you mean when you say that you feel a part of you is missing.  Yes, emptiness is the word and it's an overwhelming feeling!  It lessens a bit over time, but it takes time. 

I know what you mean when you say that you feel "careless" to others.  I experienced a similar feeling.  It was a feeling of no longer caring what happened around me.  I felt indifferent to people.  It's okay to be alone, to have time to think and to feel privately.  I know for myself, staying alone was okay for awhile to sort out my feelings, but staying in that state too long made my sadness feel more intense and amplified negative thoughts.  I'm grateful that you have your mother, brother and sister still to talk to.  It sounds like you have a good support system close if you need them.

In your post, you say that you no longer feel your father's presence...that you don't dream of him or feel him around.  My parents don't seem to come to me in my dreams either.  I suppose this happens for some people, but not for all of us.  Feeling the presence of my parents around, didn't immediately happen and I don't know why.  It came over time.  I'm not sure why it took so long.  Maybe it was because I had to sort out my grief first before I could focus enough on feeling their presence.  Or maybe it was because my parents were busy adjusting to their new "form" and didn't have the chance to send "signals" - I don't know!  What I can tell you is that now I have moments where I get an overwhelming feeling of love from them.  Sometimes, it's through recalling memories, and in other times, it's through honoring their memory by participating in something that they believed in or liked to do.  You'll find your way; it's different for all of us!  

Please try to be patient with yourself as you figure this all out.  I know it's hard and extremely sad.  You'll have good days and bad days.  This is normal.  I know you can eventually find your way to happier days in time.  Take good care of yourself.  

Thinking of you,

Wandering Soul

[beegee22]

I can completely relate. I just lost my mom in September and I miss her so much. I miss her voice, her laughter, her intelligence. Had I known I had so little time left with her, I would have spent every waking moment with her. It is still hard for me to accept that I will never hear her voice again. I too feel an emptiness that I'm not sure will ever go away. I also feel a sense of anxiety and agitation, like something is wrong. I did manage to return to work, which actually helps to distract me from the sadness. However, on holidays like today (Canadian Thanksgiving) and days off, it really hits me hard. Today being Thanksgiving, I feel like I have a lot less to be grateful for than I did a year ago.

Please know that you are not alone. Mother Nature is very cruel by taking people very important to us away from us. I keep reminding myself that this is the circle of life but it is of very little comfort. When people tell me their mother or grandmother is 93 or 95 or 98, my first thought is why couldn't my mom make it to 95? Just isn't fair. Hell, my aunt (mom's sister) is older, has had many health issues in the past 10 years but is still here at 90! Thoughts like this keep circling in my mind.

I'm hoping I find the strength to persevere as life is so much lonelier now. Hang in there and hope that in time, the pain will ease and life will get better. That's all we can do.

[Daddys girl kw]

@Wandering Soul

Thank you so much for replying to be honest i’m not ok , my kids my husband they want me to be there for them, i have no energy, i have no desire to be there for them , i feel empty and i’m trying to get past my grief but then my teenage son start doing trouble, my 3 year old girl is demanding attention and causing a scene every morning since she started kindergarten cause she doesn’t want to go , work is demanding too , life seems like an endless chores for me to do , nothing and no one make me feel happy anymore, “what’s the point” mentality is consuming me, i’m sorry for the heavy dark thought but maybe it’s the phase i’m in like u said it takes time , it’s only been 5 months since my dad passed i feel like it’s been 10 years since the last time i talked to him .. maybe i need time maybe i need a new perspective … i don’t know , i’m feeling guilty for not being able to conquer my grief, i think i’m in the crippling grief stage , i really don’t want to talk about it to anyone i know .. no one understands. i can’t vent to my mother or brother or sister i will just burden them, 

maybe i should just get up and do it but then again i feel this weird suffocating pain in my throat that’s just make me feel u know what i’m not going to bother , if my son wants to do bad in school let him , if my daughter wants to make a scene let her …. do u think sadness can affect ur health because i feel low blood pressure constantly, i don’t know what am i going to do … i think i’m losing it .. 

[Daddys girl kw]

@beegee22

 

hello i feel the same when i see old men … in my mind i’m thinking why isn’t my dad here like this old man .. but i guess like u said it’s life and part of life .. even though i’m a believer and a strong person i find myself mentally and physically worn out .. i hope we can make it , i hope we can pass this phase .. i’m suffering from the flu for a week now .. just remembering how comforting my dad used to be when i’m sick how he took care of me and cooked for me … and now i’m alone

we can’t give up we have to survive 

[beegee22]

@Daddys girl kw

You bring up an excellent point that I relate to as well. My mom was the only person on earth that truly cared about me. When I would get sick, she would hover around me and did what she could possibly do... make me meals, a cup of tea, etc. Now I feel like no one cares and I am all alone in the world. I often think back to the times when she asked me to play some music (she loved music but was very picky) and I refused because of her picky nature. When she was in the hospital during what would turn out to be her last few weeks of life, I would visit her daily and she would ask me to put the phone down and talk to her. I often ignored her request, not knowing that very soon I would never be able to talk to her at all. Overall, I feel I was a good son and dedicated much of my life to making her happy but I still catch myself dwelling on those moments when I feel I failed her.

The good news is those feelings of guilt are beginning to fade as time passes. The bad news is that the loneliness seems to worsen with time as the realization that she is gone forever sinks in. Thankfully, I do have a sister, niece and nephew that I can lean on a little. However, at the end of the day, I go home to an empty house. I used to talk to her / see her daily. We would often have 3 or 4 conversations per day. Now, nothing but silence. I am starting to accommodate to the solitude and getting used to life without her. There is just no other choice. I am also finding I am crying very little now compared to even 2 weeks ago. Best medicine I find is keeping busy. Work it turns out is a godsend.

Hang in there. We need to be strong and try to live a life. My mom told me about a week before she passed that she had no regrets, she lived a good long life and she wants me to do the same. At that point, I broke down and said "but we're a team, you gave my life meaning and a purpose. What purpose will I have now?" She quietly said "you need to find a new purpose". I am still struggling with that part but I hope in time, life will point me in the right direction.

[Daddys girl kw]

@beegee22

 

thank you so much for letting me in , and telling about those feeling that we often keep to ourselves, i understand everything u said , and though i am sad ur going through it , i am also grateful for having someone to relate to , i hope u find ur purpose, i am married , with kids , got a busy life but still I MISS HIM so so much , sometimes i feel myself chocking in my feelings , but i think maybe because i’m not happy in work , i am thinking of changing my work into something i like that have a purpose and a sense of accomplishment for me , i feel like u said it’ll make things easier.

 

i hope u realy feel better soon i hope u will get over the loss feelings, and turn it into sweet memories that fells u with love and pride instead of loneliness and grief.

 

i will pray for you and hopefully those positive energy vibes will find you and fell u with happiness .