Brother Killed by Drunk Driver

[SuzZ]

On July 12th, 2022, my brother was riding his bicycle to work at 5 am. A hit-and-run drunk driver in a black Dodge Ram murdered him. Only by some kind of statistical miracle, he was caught - a neighbor reported the drunk driver at least a day after seeing the damage to their truck. They can't prove he was drunk; however, he admitted to being drunk. He is only getting a 5-year sentence for "leaving the scene of an accident resulting in death" which is just so insulting, as if he witnessed an accident where he wasn't at fault and left the scene without reporting it.

I feel hopeless. I live alone with my two cats, no partner or kids. My brother was my only family member that accepts me at the holidays that also wasn't abusive to me. He was my best friend growing up and I don't know how I'm going to face holidays for the rest of my life without him, and without any supportive family or friends at holidays, whatsoever. I spent Christmas alone last year bc of abusive family that would not allow me to visit or see my brother and all of my friends were with their families. People have offered to let me come over for holidays in the past and then didn't make good on it.

I am in therapy regularly; however, I haven't found a grief support group locally. Although MADD offers an online grief support group via Zoom, they never sent me the link after I requested it multiple times.

It's been less than two months since losing my brother like he was some kind of road kill, and then having to face continued reminders of this as we have to now go through a trial with his murderer.

Very few people spend time with me or check on me. People are moving on and expect me to suck it up and act like things are normal. I've tried to express how much it triggers me when people around me drink and drive (it was always a concern in the past, but now more than ever), and people are treating me like I'm being too harsh. People feel like they should be able to complain to me about petty things in their lives excessively and it's like salt in the wound, so hurtful for them to complain about the mundane (e.g. a package took a week to show up) when I'm facing the very worst thing I've ever experienced in my life with the loss of my only brother.

How on earth can anyone think that I would be able to take any level of stress at this point, to deal with their petty complaints or selfish demands?! I feel so alone and I'm not putting any hope into anyone being there for me anymore.

Edited September 3, 2022 by SuzZ
Forgot to add that I was in therapy.

[Basil P]

Dear SuzZ,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my brother suddenly 3 months ago. Your loss is a tragedy and I'm feeling for you. I have started going to a grief support group and it helps me a lot. I hope you find a place/ virtual group that will help. It's super important that you find others who are grieving because you're not alone although I know you feel really alone. I am thinking of you all the way from New Zealand. 

B