I'm Lost (without my shadow)

[Xillix]

My wife and I can't have kids, and we said hello to our boy 12 years ago when he was just a beautiful peanut. We treated him like out baby and his loss is tearing me apart. He had cancer and it got really bad we didn't want to see him suffer anymore. I lost him months ago but I still find myself crying senselessly if anything remind me of him. I've lost dogs before, but I can't describe this feeling. I love/loved all my dogs but he was special. I just don't know where else to turn to. I'm glad there are others who experience such extreme grief over a beloved animal.

I have a beautiful urn that I light some favourite incense he enjoyed, and I even had a dream the day after he passed (and I don't remember my dreams). I was not able to be there at the vet's office ( maybe this is part of my problem, even though it could have been worse if I was present ) but I was able to support my wife virtually while she was at the vet and we had to make a decision that was in His best interest, not to keep him alive so I can say goodbye, but to end his pain.

I did not take my last dog's death well, as she did not want to go and had brain cancer that was killing her slowly, grand mal seizures for over 3 years and other things she stuffed through. I still remember her screams as we went into the vets office. 

We have two beagle puppies that grew up with my 12 years old boy, at least they had a year with him. It's just not the same and it's almost worse as they remind me of him. This pain should go away by now. 

 

Thank you for letting me share my story.

 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss...I felt the same with my Arlie, I rescued him at just under a year and he lived to 11 1/2, I was hoping for so much more but he got the "inoperable cancer" diagnosis just two weeks after his physical that he passed with flying colors.  How did they miss it?  I'll never forget getting the news over the phone as my life crumbled before me.  He got two months ten days to live after that....watching him go downhill, suffering, yet still he often had his beautiful smile on his face, even while his face looked haggard.  He was my soulmate in a dog, something very special about him.

How are your other dogs handling it?  I didn't have other dogs, only my 25 1/2 year old cat that died soon after.

It helped me to write about it, I wanted to memorialize him, his life, I never wanted him forgotten...I documented his cancer journey and death through my writing found here.

 

I hope this brings you some comfort...
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

[Mar22]

X Im so very sorry for the loss of your peanut. It's gut wrenching and tears your soul apart. I had to let my girl go last week too. 😩 It was an act of love and kindness what we did even though I'm feeling the guilt and pain myself. I keep looking for her. Im praying for a sign too or a dream or something.  I've even considered a pet physic. We have to be their voice for them and it would be a disservice to let them keep suffering.  But now we are the ones left with the intense suffering.  Only in time will it dull. Sending you love light and strength.  

[Xillix]

On 9/2/2022 at 8:46 AM, Mar22 said:

X Im so very sorry for the loss of your peanut. It's gut wrenching and tears your soul apart. I had to let my girl go last week too. 😩 It was an act of love and kindness what we did even though I'm feeling the guilt and pain myself. I keep looking for her. Im praying for a sign too or a dream or something.  I've even considered a pet physic. We have to be their voice for them and it would be a disservice to let them keep suffering.  But now we are the ones left with the intense suffering.  Only in time will it dull. Sending you love light and strength.  

M, I'm sorry to hear you had the same experience. I have now made my peace and when I think of him, I know he's watching over me and he doesn't have to suffer. I also accepted that I was given a beautiful 12 years with him that I will cherish forever, and remember him for the love and joy he filled our hearts with. My wife and I can't have kids so this was our first 'child'. We had just lost his sister a few years back, but her passing was hard, though she was suffering for a long time, and we with her illness - so it was a different type of passing. He was very sudden.

Nothing can bring them back but the memories we have of them. Sometimes I think maybe he's watching over or I see certain manerisms in his younger brothers, and it reminds me of him. I smile now with tears instead of sadness. Do whatever you need to heal. But filling that hold with more love worked for me!

Take care

Xillix

[Xillix]

On 9/2/2022 at 6:04 AM, KayC said:

I am so sorry for your loss...I felt the same with my Arlie, I rescued him at just under a year and he lived to 11 1/2, I was hoping for so much more but he got the "inoperable cancer" diagnosis just two weeks after his physical that he passed with flying colors.  How did they miss it?  I'll never forget getting the news over the phone as my life crumbled before me.  He got two months ten days to live after that....watching him go downhill, suffering, yet still he often had his beautiful smile on his face, even while his face looked haggard.  He was my soulmate in a dog, something very special about him.

How are your other dogs handling it?  I didn't have other dogs, only my 25 1/2 year old cat that died soon after.

It helped me to write about it, I wanted to memorialize him, his life, I never wanted him forgotten...I documented his cancer journey and death through my writing found here.

 

I hope this brings you some comfort...
Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

I'm sorry for your loss as well. Sounds like Arlie went through something similar as Xillix. He was having some digestive issues for a while, pancreatitis a few times but we had it under control, even though he was hooked up to an IV overnight (we thought we were going to lose him). He then started having issues with eating and not putting on weight, he couldn't absorb anything and got super thin. We tried all types of food and in the end he ate a hydrolyzed protein food the vet recommended. Things were looking up, he was putting on weight and then BOOM, he had bloody stools, wife took him to the vet and that was it, it was inoperable, I could see the pain on his face during the video call. I wasn't even there and had to hear the news over the phone. My poor wife was alone in all this as I rushed home to be with her.

Our two beagles went with her and they said goodbye to their brother. We learned from our first loss our his younger sister, that bringing the animals there gives them a sense of closure. Our two cats who adored and loved Xillix were not happy and started fighting with the beagles so we had to separate. They are 7 years old. Now they are all happy but unfortunately we can't have them out all together like before. The dynamic is different when the cat comes before. They are also beagles and love chasing fuzzy things that look like bunnies.

You are 100% right. I really helps to write/talk about it. Like he won't be forgotten, forever on the books!  Death is a strange thing. We think we understand it because we've lost, but nobody ever prepared me for this kind of loss. Given that, I think that makes it a very special bond, beyond any living entity can fathom. Dogs/animals are there for us when nobody is around. They feel our emotions and comfort us especially when they feel our pain. They are very intuitive and loving till their last breath. They are our best friend. Nothing worse than losing your best friend. But the great thing is, you can always find a new best friend and remember all dogs go to heaven!

[KayC]

What an adorable picture!

These are some of my writings...