Lost my baby

[Mar22]

😪 Hello I'm here to get and give support. I had to put my beloved Raj dog down this week. It was the hardest decision ever. She had many multiple issues and in the end she couldn't jump or hardly walk. She was becoming incontinent.  She had severe arthritis in her knees and finally spine. We tried so many meds over the years. Rimidal meloxicam then tramadol and gabapen. At the end it was oxycodone.  And it still wasn't enuff. And steroid shots too. Her breathing became very labored and she was restless.  Whining at times and finally quit eating. It was so hard to let her go and my heart is 💔.  I feel guilt too like maybe I could have done more? I could see she was miserable though. I don't know how I'm going to live without her. I'm becoming super depressed.  I don't know how long I'm going to feel this way. One thing for certain is my life will never be the same again. 🤔

[Benjismommy]

@Mar22

I am so sorry to hear about Raj. Thank you for commenting on my post about my baby Benji. It is the most gut wrenching feeling I have ever felt, I loved Benji so so much. He was a spoilt little pup. Mainly I am angry he died so young, only 9.5yrs old. He had so much more life to give. He was healthy, happy and fit right up to his accident. It’s not fair.
 

It is just over a month since Benji passed away and have struggled with guilt a lot. Seeing your post above, it is clear you did the very best you could for Raj, providing her with medication to ease her arthritis. Whilst it’s a horrible decision (I know), sending Raj peacefully on her way was your final gift of love and care for her. To end her pain and discomfort. We never want to see our babies in pain. 
 

I hear you when you say “I don’t know how I’m going to live without her”, I feel the exact same. My world is just covered in a dark cloud, can’t imagine the future without Benji. Life is cruel, I sometimes wonder what the point of it all is!!

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Raj.  I know it to be the hardest thing in the world.  I went through that with my Whippet Lucky, also arthritic and incontinent the last two years, I noticed she hadn't smiled the last couple of years, she used to always smile the most beautiful greeting.

You did what you could for her but there comes a time we have to make the hardest decision in the world for their sakes.  And learning to live with it...that's the challenge.  We take on their pain the day they die, so it seems.
The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[foreverhis]

I'm so sorry you lost your precious Raj.  It will be hard to hear and maybe impossible to believe right now, but you did right by her.  The final gift we sometimes have to give our precious, most beloved animal companions is helping lift them up out of their pain and suffering.  We do it as an act of pure love, even as we know our hearts will break.

I have faith that those animals who are closest to us, the ones who take the biggest pieces of our hearts, will be waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge.  It's probably not how our human minds envision it, but I believe it exists.  In the beginning, there were days that the only thing that kept me going was my faith that our most special two (my soul dog Charlie and my husband's soul cat Penny) were waiting for my love when he died.  I see the three of them in my mind's eye together in joyous reunion, strong and young and healthy again.  I hope so much that when it's my time, they will all three be waiting for me with loving hearts and open arms (and paws).

No, your life will never be the same.  But that doesn't mean that the deep pain of your grief will stay the same.  Over time--months and years, not days and weeks--it evolves, shifts, and the heavy burden of it becomes lighter as we learn to carry it with us along with our love and our wonderful memories.  It's not an easy journey, but now that you are here, you are not alone.  The members here understand and will help you as you take your first steps forward.

[KayC]

5 hours ago, foreverhis said:

No, your life will never be the same.  But that doesn't mean that the deep pain of your grief will stay the same.  Over time--months and years, not days and weeks--it evolves, shifts, and the heavy burden of it becomes lighter as we learn to carry it with us along with our love and our wonderful memories.

Very good point!

[Mar22]

Oh my gosh thank you kc and foreverhis for your kind words and support.  I'm having such a difficult time. Today at 3pm will be the 1st week without her. I'm so depressed and sad. Im sorry for your losses as well. I really appreciate 🙏  you. I know in time it will lessen but it's going to take such a long time. I'm looking forward to coming here and sharing. Thank you so much more then words can say.  I really needed to hear this especially today. 💔❣️

[KayC]

I look out over my yard and I see where I laid my husband's ashes, markers for all, one of Skye's grave, Arlie's, Kitty's, one for Miss Mocha, King George.  And down in the yard, a cross for Fluffy's.  I feel like this is a place of memories...

I am so sorry...one week, that is so hard.  At one week after losing my Arlie, I felt like a zombie.  This home an empty shell with no life in it.  So glad I have Kodie now, seriously, he saved me.  From what I don't know, nor do I want to, but he is my litttle companion.  I hope for you one someday...

[Mar22]

Oh kayc thanks for sharing that. You have experienced so much loss. I'm so sorry for that and all the pain it brings. I have done nothing today. I'm 2 depressed to even get up shower eat etc. Crying all day in spurts. There is no other way around this but to just go through it. I did get my memorial locket 2day for her ashes in the mailbox but I haven't got her ashes yet. I don't know what the hold up is on that. Im.just so lost and keep looking at all her favorite spots in the house. I miss her so much I honestly don't think I see will ever get past this. 😪 

[KayC]

11 hours ago, Mar22 said:

I miss her so much I honestly don't think I see will ever get past this.

You can't at the time.  I knew somehow I'd survive, after all I didn't die when my husband did, and this felt just like that.  It didn't affect me financially or my social life, but man did it hit me on an emotional level!  Yet in an odd way it did feel like it hit me at my social life, as I was used to taking him with me much of the time.

[Mar22]

Thanks kayc. I'm not doing too good today but did manage to get up and sit in the living room . My husband's been diagnosed with an agressive cancer this year and has been taking treatment.  Then my dear Raj died. And I lost my wedding ring . This whole year has Been one thing after another. I just feel like I'm heading for a breakdown.  I really appreciate talking to you. I have nobody else. Thanks and I hope your today is good 1.🙂

[foreverhis]

8 hours ago, Mar22 said:

I'm not doing too good today but did manage to get up and sit in the living room . My husband's been diagnosed with an agressive cancer this year and has been taking treatment.  Then my dear Raj died. And I lost my wedding ring .

Oh gosh, that's terrible having one thing after another to deal with and so much on your own.  I hope your husband is responding well to the treatment.  I'll be sending hope and comfort (well, virtually anyway) to both of you.  I truly believe your Raj is watching over you.  Please try to keep that in your heart as you navigate through these painful days.  I will also keep my fingers crossed that you find your wedding ring.  I lost my husband's earlier this year and was sure it was gone forever.  But kind people in our community came out to help look and one wonderful man did.  You never know.  The universe might just bring it back to you.((HUGS))

[KayC]

My husband's been gone 17 years and I lost my ring during fire evac but later found it...I pray you do too.  I am so sorry about your husband having cancer!  My friend is going through that, has been for 14 months now, still fighting it (lymph glands and breast).  Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a gastroenterologist doctor about 1 1/2 hours away about a mysterious throat/tongue condition I've had nearly two years and couldn't get anyone to look at during Covid, planned to leave my dog home but now the Cedar Creek fire has grown so much and the wind has shifted towards us with winds and it'll be in the 90s, I'm scared to leave my dog home.  I have no where to go during fire evac and my laptop died.  My life is totally out of my control and I'm not liking it much.  And I wonder why my blood sugar was high this morning...(Diabetic) In spite of eating carnivore yesterday.

 

[Mar22]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  I hope the doc visit goes well and you can find some1 to watch the dog. Sorry about your husband too. No I will never find my ring I lost it at work and believe some1 kept it. It's been 4 months gone now. Prayers for your friends cancer as well. I'm still in deep grief but it will just take more time. I wish she was still here but not suffering.  We had 11.5 years together.  I really wish it had been longer. Take care.talk with you soon.

[Mar22]

My husband is diabetic as well. He eats kinda like his version of keto but sometimes his is still high. I'm becoming borderline myself. Let me know how it goes. Wish I could help. 

[Mar22]

16 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Oh gosh, that's terrible having one thing after another to deal with and so much on your own.  I hope your husband is responding well to the treatment.  I'll be sending hope and comfort (well, virtually anyway) to both of you.  I truly believe your Raj is watching over you.  Please try to keep that in your heart as you navigate through these painful days.  I will also keep my fingers crossed that you find your wedding ring.  I lost my husband's earlier this year and was sure it was gone forever.  But kind people in our community came out to help look and one wonderful man did.  You never know.  The universe might just bring it back to you.((HUGS))

 

[Mar22]

Oh thank you so muchforeverhis. Yes it's been a very tough year. I appreciate your kind words and support. Hubs next big checkup in October so I'm praying all will go well. He's using immunotherapy the best choice for his type of cancer.  It was such a shock learning he was sick like that.  You just never know. I'm still sad and depressed over my baby Raj. I like to think she is still right here beside me even though I don't see her. My mind is trying to make me feel guilty about putting her down. But I know how much pain she was in and had endured so it was an act of love ❤️.  But I'm still having g such a hard time of it. Thanks for reaching out to me. Appreciate you. 🙂

[Mar22]

On 8/31/2022 at 4:51 AM, Benjismommy said:

@Mar22

I am so sorry to hear about Raj. Thank you for commenting on my post about my baby Benji. It is the most gut wrenching feeling I have ever felt, I loved Benji so so much. He was a spoilt little pup. Mainly I am angry he died so young, only 9.5yrs old. He had so much more life to give. He was healthy, happy and fit right up to his accident. It’s not fair.
 

It is just over a month since Benji passed away and have struggled with guilt a lot. Seeing your post above, it is clear you did the very best you could for Raj, providing her with medication to ease her arthritis. Whilst it’s a horrible decision (I know), sending Raj peacefully on her way was your final gift of love and care for her. To end her pain and discomfort. We never want to see our babies in pain. 
 

I hear you when you say “I don’t know how I’m going to live without her”, I feel the exact same. My world is just covered in a dark cloud, can’t imagine the future without Benji. Life is cruel, I sometimes wonder what the point of it all is!!

I'm so sorry about Benji. Yes when they leave us our hearts are torn apart. I feel so depressed myself and just can't hardly get up and function. This whole weekend i have been crying and laying about.  Don't want to do anything.  Tomorrow I will have to return to work. I still haven't had any word on her cremains either. I just can't shake my sadness and depression.  I hope your is lifting a bit. Soo soo sorry about your sweet Benji. I'm feeling you. 

[Benjismommy]

@Mar22

I totally get how you are feeling. It’s so hard to go on without our fur babies. It is just darkness and sadness. I see Benji everywhere.. sitting on the couch, lazing in his bed or the yard. I miss his bark. I miss his beautiful little face. I miss him being the first to greet me when I got home from work, doing the biggest stretch up against my leg. Oh how I long to hold him and give him kisses. He was so affectionate and lovable. My other two dogs are lovable but not to the extent Benji was so I miss that physical presence of Benji. 
 

I find late at night or first thing in the morning the worst time of the day. I cry going to sleep thinking about him and he is the first thing on my mind when I wake. I miss him so much, I just don’t know how I’ll ever be ok with this. 
 

I hope you are ok going back to work, it will be tough. I hope you have colleagues who will offer you love and support. I know you won’t be in the mood or frame of mind to be in work. I found it very hard to focus at the beginning, even thought about handing in my notice. I just didn’t feel like there was a point to life anymore. All this pain, why does this happen to good people! 

[KayC]

@Mar22 I help run a couple of Diabetic Groups online, my passion.  This morning my FBS was 127---stress.  I have someone  coming to get Kodie at noon but I have to leave at 8:15 am so hoping all goes well.  Haven't heard anything about fire since last night, the alert didn't tell us much.  The winds are blowing towards us today/tomorrow and it'll be in the 90s.  

It can take years to get your BS under control depending on how long your diabetes has been out of control and how much damage has been done that needs reversed, but it can happen.  Getting off the meds is the first goal as it furthers insulin resistance.  Doctors don't tell us because they say what they're taught (take a pill).  Dawn syndrone is normal, even with people who don't have diabetes, our body manufactures insulin in response to things going on in us, but it also furthers insulin resistance if perpetual.  So it really is a balancing act!

Missing Arlie is continual, I miss all the animals I've lost but he was special, but over time it's become easier to carry, I can't say how long, I'm sure it's unique for each of us.  I so much miss putting my arms around him and kissing his sweet face.  He had the most beautiful smile!  I could just sit and watch him...sigh.

[Mar22]

7 hours ago, Benjismommy said:

@Mar22

I totally get how you are feeling. It’s so hard to go on without our fur babies. It is just darkness and sadness. I see Benji everywhere.. sitting on the couch, lazing in his bed or the yard. I miss his bark. I miss his beautiful little face. I miss him being the first to greet me when I got home from work, doing the biggest stretch up against my leg. Oh how I long to hold him and give him kisses. He was so affectionate and lovable. My other two dogs are lovable but not to the extent Benji was so I miss that physical presence of Benji. 
 

I find late at night or first thing in the morning the worst time of the day. I cry going to sleep thinking about him and he is the first thing on my mind when I wake. I miss him so much, I just don’t know how I’ll ever be ok with this. 
 

I hope you are ok going back to work, it will be tough. I hope you have colleagues who will offer you love and support. I know you won’t be in the mood or frame of mind to be in work. I found it very hard to focus at the beginning, even thought about handing in my notice. I just didn’t feel like there was a point to life anymore. All this pain, why does this happen to good people! 

I just picked up her ashes this morning. Instead of making me feel better I'm crying so much just like I have been since 8/25. She would wait for me too faithfully every day when I got home from work always. I have another dog but we aren't that close he kinda is my hubs dogs. You know how they get attached to certain pple. 

Im not ok going back to work but I have to. They are strict on attendance and even made me bring in proof of the vet / euthanasia bill to put in my file. Can you believe that? Need to find a better job. 

 

I see Raja everywhere too. Her fav spots her window seat her special place on my bed. I'm so heartbroken 💔 😞.  I'm so sorry for your pain too about your precious Benji. I'm glad we have our good memories though.  And support for each other. Wishing you brighter days ahead. I think in time it will sting a bit less but never be completely gone. Have a good today if you can. 

 

 

[Mar22]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

@Mar22 I help run a couple of Diabetic Groups online, my passion.  This morning my FBS was 127---stress.  I have someone  coming to get Kodie at noon but I have to leave at 8:15 am so hoping all goes well.  Haven't heard anything about fire since last night, the alert didn't tell us much.  The winds are blowing towards us today/tomorrow and it'll be in the 90s.  

It can take years to get your BS under control depending on how long your diabetes has been out of control and how much damage has been done that needs reversed, but it can happen.  Getting off the meds is the first goal as it furthers insulin resistance.  Doctors don't tell us because they say what they're taught (take a pill).  Dawn syndrone is normal, even with people who don't have diabetes, our body manufactures insulin in response to things going on in us, but it also furthers insulin resistance if perpetual.  So it really is a balancing act!

Missing Arlie is continual, I miss all the animals I've lost but he was special, but over time it's become easier to carry, I can't say how long, I'm sure it's unique for each of us.  I so much miss putting my arms around him and kissing his sweet face.  He had the most beautiful smile!  I could just sit and watch him...sigh.

Wow that's a wonderful thing you are doing . Sounds like you are very educated about diabetes.  I hope your doc visit goes well and glad you got a sitter 4 the 🐶. Hope the fires doe down too. I live in Ohio we don't have those issues.  But I don't like living here at all. Wish I could move.

 

I just picked up Raj remains this morning.  Made me cry hard all over again but she's home now. I'm praying for a sign from her. A dream anything.  It's still raw awful pain. Thinking of a pet physic maybe I know it sounds ridiculous but if it makes me feel better why not? 

 

I work 2nd shift and need to go get ready. Miss my Raj she always waited for me every night when I got home. Now I come home to nothing.my hubs already asleep and my other dog sleeps with him in another section of the house due to the conflict in our working hours. Hope today is is good for you. 

[Benjismommy]

16 hours ago, Mar22 said:

I just picked up her ashes this morning. Instead of making me feel better I'm crying so much just like I have been since 8/25. She would wait for me too faithfully every day when I got home from work always. I have another dog but we aren't that close he kinda is my hubs dogs. You know how they get attached to certain pple. 

Im not ok going back to work but I have to. They are strict on attendance and even made me bring in proof of the vet / euthanasia bill to put in my file. Can you believe that? Need to find a better job. 

 

I see Raja everywhere too. Her fav spots her window seat her special place on my bed. I'm so heartbroken 💔 😞.  I'm so sorry for your pain too about your precious Benji. I'm glad we have our good memories though.  And support for each other. Wishing you brighter days ahead. I think in time it will sting a bit less but never be completely gone. Have a good today if you can. 

 

 

Picking up Raj’s ashes must have been very hard thing to do. I hope you are ok. It’s good to cry and to feel. It was an emotional event but at least she is home now. With you. Where she belongs. 
 

We buried Benji at home. I couldn’t bare parting with him and leaving him at the vets to be cremated - he had his accident late on a Friday night of a bank holiday weekend so likely his perfect little body would have been in the vets alone all weekend. So after he went to sleep, we wrapped him up in his blankie and brought him home. I held him in my arms for probably over an hour. He was still warm. I slept beside him that night. We buried him Saturday evening. It was absolutely lashing rain that day. I didn’t want to bury him, as if I had his physical body, surely he wasn’t truly gone!!?? Thinking about him in the ground now is not a nice emotion. My beautiful little man just alone in the ground. 

How did your first day back at work go? Did you manage to take some time off? I CANNOT believe they asked for proof of Raj’s passing. I took two days off after the bank holiday weekend (my boss gave me sick days) so I went back to work on the Thursday after having 5 days off. I couldn’t stop crying. Got no work done. My brain just couldn’t focus on anything but Benji. 
 

We were watching TV last night and there was a very obvious space on the couch where Benji would have cuddled in. My heart is just broken. Looking at the empty space. He went too soon. Not fair at only 9.5yrs old. A freak accident in his own garden. Life is ****!!
 

I hope you find some comfort that Raj is back home. We have to cling to the little things. To get by. I’m so sorry for the hurt you feel. As you mentioned, at least we can come here, write down our thoughts and support each other. 

[KayC]

It had to be so hard, picking up Raj's ashes...I looked into getting Arlie cremated but where I am they dump all the animals in at once and give you a portion of their collective ashes, so instead I elected to take his body with me and bury on my property.  I wanted him with me all the time, now I have to leave him behind if/when I age enough to not be able to stay here.  

Wow on your job!  I've never heard of a place like that!  I guess I've always worked in smaller places where they know you and wouldn't think to question what you're going through!  

11 1/2 years...my Arlie lived to 11 1/2, I had him only 10 1/2 of those years, way too short as I know your Raj was.

[Mar22]

4 hours ago, Benjismommy said:

Picking up Raj’s ashes must have been very hard thing to do. I hope you are ok. It’s good to cry and to feel. It was an emotional event but at least she is home now. With you. Where she belongs. 
 

We buried Benji at home. I couldn’t bare parting with him and leaving him at the vets to be cremated - he had his accident late on a Friday night of a bank holiday weekend so likely his perfect little body would have been in the vets alone all weekend. So after he went to sleep, we wrapped him up in his blankie and brought him home. I held him in my arms for probably over an hour. He was still warm. I slept beside him that night. We buried him Saturday evening. It was absolutely lashing rain that day. I didn’t want to bury him, as if I had his physical body, surely he wasn’t truly gone!!?? Thinking about him in the ground now is not a nice emotion. My beautiful little man just alone in the ground. 

How did your first day back at work go? Did you manage to take some time off? I CANNOT believe they asked for proof of Raj’s passing. I took two days off after the bank holiday weekend (my boss gave me sick days) so I went back to work on the Thursday after having 5 days off. I couldn’t stop crying. Got no work done. My brain just couldn’t focus on anything but Benji. 
 

We were watching TV last night and there was a very obvious space on the couch where Benji would have cuddled in. My heart is just broken. Looking at the empty space. He went too soon. Not fair at only 9.5yrs old. A freak accident in his own garden. Life is ****!!
 

I hope you find some comfort that Raj is back home. We have to cling to the little things. To get by. I’m so sorry for the hurt you feel. As you mentioned, at least we can come here, write down our thoughts and support each other. 

I think you did right by Benji.  It was where he would want to be at home. I know buried sounds bad but cremation isn't so good either. Raj hated being hot. I just did that because she was such a big dog 72 lbs and what if we moved or something? Bless his sweet little 💕 ❤️ he knows you are still there for him. His spirit knows. And you have a grave to visit .

 

No I went back to work the day after . I can't believe that place but it is the way they are. I hope to find a better place eventually. Im glad you had some time off. It was hard to work through my tears.  

 

Sorry you are still sad and hurting . I suppose it will just take alot of time. Please know how much you have helped me in this journey.  A pic of her years back i like to think of her transition from shadows to the light as rainbow bridge!

[Mar22]

17 minutes ago, KayC said:

It had to be so hard, picking up Raj's ashes...I looked into getting Arlie cremated but where I am they dump all the animals in at once and give you a portion of their collective ashes, so instead I elected to take his body with me and bury on my property.  I wanted him with me all the time, now I have to leave him behind if/when I age enough to not be able to stay here.  

Wow on your job!  I've never heard of a place like that!  I guess I've always worked in smaller places where they know you and wouldn't think to question what you're going through!  

11 1/2 years...my Arlie lived to 11 1/2, I had him only 10 1/2 of those years, way too short as I know your Raj was.

It was very hard. Brought back more raw emotions.  They offered single creamatin so that's what we got. I'm not really happy with his box but at the time my hubs picked it out. I was 2 upset. I can always get something else later on. I did get a beautiful necklace though for her ashes. 

 

So glad to hear from you and thank you for all your support. Hope the wild fires die down and all is ok. I have a question.  Last doc visit my fbs was high but my a1c was good. What does that mean? And how can I lower my fbs? I certainly don't want to go in2 full blown diabetes.  Any suggestions much appreciated.  

 

Have a great day if you can . Yes our babies were taken way 2 early. 😔 

[KayC]

A good A1C is 5.6, not what the doctor necessaeily says.  They go by 50 year old recommendations that are all washed up!  They prescribe medicine that worsen your insulin resistance over time.  The best suggestion I have is going super low carb (Keto)!  I did it nearly three years ago.  
Here is my story I share:

Moderator

Group expert

My husband and I attended Diabetic classes as he was diabetic.  I didn't allow sugar in the house, we ate whole grains, fruits/veg as doctors said, but nothing changed. He died 17 years ago, heart attack with diabetic complications. Why, when we were doing what they said! A few years later I too was diagnosed, did what I was told, took my Metformin, meanwhile my numbers kept climbing, so they raised the dosage, and eventually added Glimepiride to the mix (I couldn't handle Glipizide as it kept dropping my numbers, too erratic). When my dog was diagnosed with cancer, 6/6/2019 my FBS went up to 185-205 and stayed there. He passed 8/16/19 and the numbers never came down.  Meanwhile my son and George kept talking to me about Keto, my son showed me the scientific data on it (he has three engineering degrees, you know engineers, always about the facts!) Not pushing, just giving me info...

Finally I realized my numbers were not coming down and it was time to do something about it. New Year’s Day 2020 I began Keto. I cleaned out my cupboards of the carbs, it echoed when I was done! I began buying the "weird things" I couldn't spell or pronounce (Erythritol, Xanthan Gum, etc.) and began researching diabetes myself. I'd already joined this group and found it very helpful. I learned, little by little, checking out things I heard and read.

Keto has been amazing! I planned this not to just "lose weight", 75 lbs., but to right my diabetes! I had not expected all of the fringe benefits I began to glean from it! I was shocked when my triglycerides went from 276 to 93 inside 4 1/2 months! My cholesterol improved, as did everything! My WBC and calcium had been high for years, no explanation from the doctor, now they were normal! I later read it was related to the diabetes. I'd had IBS, now gone! My neuropathy used to hurt so bad, I was surprised when it quit hurting!  I also discovered the "Asthma" I'd been diagnosed with and had been on inhalers for 16 years was either reversed or I hadn't had it, since they hadn't tested me when they diagnosed me, I can't know which.  All I know is I breathe fine where I used to get winded going up my driveway!  I'd been diagnosed with Fuch's Dystrophy of the Corneas years earlier (night blindness) and discovered when I had an emergency that I could now see to drive at night! I'm still amazed when I drive at night, each time it feels like a miracle to me! I wasn't prepared for the incredible energy I now have and how well I feel! When I got a nasty dog bite, I mean really bad, the doctor said it'd be hard to heal, it healed fine! Again and again I've seen this. My immune system is optimal. When you've had Diabetes out of control for 11 years, you expect it'll take time for the liver and pancreas and kidneys to heal but they have! (I was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver years ago), everything is fine now! I feel indebted to the scientist that first discovered this operative we now call Keto, I'm on this for life and can't imagine going back to my old ways! It's been over two years now and I feel like a walking miracle! I'm so grateful to George and this site for walking me through this!

 

 

[KayC]

Here is our diabetic group if you're interested in joining/learning...
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2249357341987919

[Benjismommy]

18 hours ago, Mar22 said:

I think you did right by Benji.  It was where he would want to be at home. I know buried sounds bad but cremation isn't so good either. Raj hated being hot. I just did that because she was such a big dog 72 lbs and what if we moved or something? Bless his sweet little 💕 ❤️ he knows you are still there for him. His spirit knows. And you have a grave to visit .

 

No I went back to work the day after . I can't believe that place but it is the way they are. I hope to find a better place eventually. Im glad you had some time off. It was hard to work through my tears.  

 

Sorry you are still sad and hurting . I suppose it will just take alot of time. Please know how much you have helped me in this journey.  A pic of her years back i like to think of her transition from shadows to the light as rainbow bridge!

Yes, I think Benji would have been happy to come home. He loved home and that is where he needed to be for his final rest. He is buried in our acre, a lot of my childhood dogs are there too. It’s our family home and we will never sell it, too many memories. We made him a surround for his grave, planted a flower and my nieces and nephew drew pictures and left teddies. On Benji’s one month anniversary, I put up solar lights on the tree. Winter is on the way and it’s getting dark. Even though I have lost a lot of dogs in my life growing up, Benji’s death is different. I loved him more than anything, he was very special. I instantly loved him when I seen him at 8 weeks old. He was the last pup in the litter, I think he was meant to be for us. Definitely an angel send to earth. 
I miss him with all my heart 💔
 

I am so sorry you had to face returning to work the day after Raj passed away. That must have been absolutely unbearable! No way I would have been able to do it. I think if I had to go to work the very next day, I would have quit. I cried uncontrollably for the first 3-4 days. You must be very strong! I hope you find a better job when you are ready. 
 

It will be 6 weeks tomorrow since Benji died. That time since has been torture. I am finding it hard to get out of bed, especially yesterday and today. Just, what is the point? It’s lashing rain outside, dull and depressing. My world is incomplete without Benji. So much pain. 

I am glad to hear that I have helped some bit in your journey. Likewise, to you. It’s nice to chat to someone who understands. @KayC has been great also. Always here to reply, thanks so much. 
 

I adore that picture your posted. It is very much walking into the light. Lovely photo to have 🐾
 

 

[KayC]

I also love that photo!  

Wow, six weeks already....I couldn't believe it when I hit the three year mark for Arlie.

I woke up before 2 am thinking about possible evacs, and it hit me, what would I do about Panther?  Could he survive here?  He's not someone you can cage or bring inside.  And the graves, I have 8 of them here from my husband's ashes to the dogs/cats buried here..  I can't bear the thought of fire coming through.  Needless to say, I didn't get back to sleep.

[Mar22]

4 hours ago, Benjismommy said:

Yes, I think Benji would have been happy to come home. He loved home and that is where he needed to be for his final rest. He is buried in our acre, a lot of my childhood dogs are there too. It’s our family home and we will never sell it, too many memories. We made him a surround for his grave, planted a flower and my nieces and nephew drew pictures and left teddies. On Benji’s one month anniversary, I put up solar lights on the tree. Winter is on the way and it’s getting dark. Even though I have lost a lot of dogs in my life growing up, Benji’s death is different. I loved him more than anything, he was very special. I instantly loved him when I seen him at 8 weeks old. He was the last pup in the litter, I think he was meant to be for us. Definitely an angel send to earth. 
I miss him with all my heart 💔
 

I am so sorry you had to face returning to work the day after Raj passed away. That must have been absolutely unbearable! No way I would have been able to do it. I think if I had to go to work the very next day, I would have quit. I cried uncontrollably for the first 3-4 days. You must be very strong! I hope you find a better job when you are ready. 
 

It will be 6 weeks tomorrow since Benji died. That time since has been torture. I am finding it hard to get out of bed, especially yesterday and today. Just, what is the point? It’s lashing rain outside, dull and depressing. My world is incomplete without Benji. So much pain. 

I am glad to hear that I have helped some bit in your journey. Likewise, to you. It’s nice to chat to someone who understands. @KayC has been great also. Always here to reply, thanks so much. 
 

I adore that picture your posted. It is very much walking into the light. Lovely photo to have 🐾
 

 

Thank you . I hope today isn't too unbearable for you. I know how hard it is and how long it can take. My 1st dog Max it took me over 6 months to even begin feeling or wanting to be human. He was my first dog . I had a cat years ago. Pookie good girl but became highly allergic and had to give her away. Broke my heart as I love all animals.  

 

Yesterday b4 work I was just doing odd chores and  found a white feather on the living room floor where Raj layed alot. I knew exactly what it was.....a message from her letting me know she is at peace and ok and still very much with me in spirit! I broke down crying but I had been praying for a sign and I just know it was her. No other explanation.  It was small and perfectly white.  I put it in a box with some of her fur . God my ❤️ is still broken but that did bring me some measure of peace. 

 

Glad you all enjoyed the pic of her. I have alot more to share but it won't let me says image 2 big.  I'm so bad at computer stuff. 

 

I'm thinking of you today and sending healing to your ❤️.  I love the idea of the lights in the tree by his grave. You did good. Will catch up soon. Peace and love xoxo 

[Mar22]

12 hours ago, KayC said:

A good A1C is 5.6, not what the doctor necessaeily says.  They go by 50 year old recommendations that are all washed up!  They prescribe medicine that worsen your insulin resistance over time.  The best suggestion I have is going super low carb (Keto)!  I did it nearly three years ago.  
Here is my story I share:

Moderator

Group expert

My husband and I attended Diabetic classes as he was diabetic.  I didn't allow sugar in the house, we ate whole grains, fruits/veg as doctors said, but nothing changed. He died 17 years ago, heart attack with diabetic complications. Why, when we were doing what they said! A few years later I too was diagnosed, did what I was told, took my Metformin, meanwhile my numbers kept climbing, so they raised the dosage, and eventually added Glimepiride to the mix (I couldn't handle Glipizide as it kept dropping my numbers, too erratic). When my dog was diagnosed with cancer, 6/6/2019 my FBS went up to 185-205 and stayed there. He passed 8/16/19 and the numbers never came down.  Meanwhile my son and George kept talking to me about Keto, my son showed me the scientific data on it (he has three engineering degrees, you know engineers, always about the facts!) Not pushing, just giving me info...

Finally I realized my numbers were not coming down and it was time to do something about it. New Year’s Day 2020 I began Keto. I cleaned out my cupboards of the carbs, it echoed when I was done! I began buying the "weird things" I couldn't spell or pronounce (Erythritol, Xanthan Gum, etc.) and began researching diabetes myself. I'd already joined this group and found it very helpful. I learned, little by little, checking out things I heard and read.

Keto has been amazing! I planned this not to just "lose weight", 75 lbs., but to right my diabetes! I had not expected all of the fringe benefits I began to glean from it! I was shocked when my triglycerides went from 276 to 93 inside 4 1/2 months! My cholesterol improved, as did everything! My WBC and calcium had been high for years, no explanation from the doctor, now they were normal! I later read it was related to the diabetes. I'd had IBS, now gone! My neuropathy used to hurt so bad, I was surprised when it quit hurting!  I also discovered the "Asthma" I'd been diagnosed with and had been on inhalers for 16 years was either reversed or I hadn't had it, since they hadn't tested me when they diagnosed me, I can't know which.  All I know is I breathe fine where I used to get winded going up my driveway!  I'd been diagnosed with Fuch's Dystrophy of the Corneas years earlier (night blindness) and discovered when I had an emergency that I could now see to drive at night! I'm still amazed when I drive at night, each time it feels like a miracle to me! I wasn't prepared for the incredible energy I now have and how well I feel! When I got a nasty dog bite, I mean really bad, the doctor said it'd be hard to heal, it healed fine! Again and again I've seen this. My immune system is optimal. When you've had Diabetes out of control for 11 years, you expect it'll take time for the liver and pancreas and kidneys to heal but they have! (I was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver years ago), everything is fine now! I feel indebted to the scientist that first discovered this operative we now call Keto, I'm on this for life and can't imagine going back to my old ways! It's been over two years now and I feel like a walking miracle! I'm so grateful to George and this site for walking me through this!

 

 

Wow thank you so much for all this wonderful information!  And the link also. I will certainly check it out. Keto has helped my hubs 2 but he does dirty or cheating keto as he still does eat some carbs sometimes. Im definitely going to have to make some major changes.  Im glad it has helped you so much. And you feel fantastic! 

[Mar22]

57 minutes ago, KayC said:

I also love that photo!  

Wow, six weeks already....I couldn't believe it when I hit the three year mark for Arlie.

I woke up before 2 am thinking about possible evacs, and it hit me, what would I do about Panther?  Could he survive here?  He's not someone you can cage or bring inside.  And the graves, I have 8 of them here from my husband's ashes to the dogs/cats buried here..  I can't bear the thought of fire coming through.  Needless to say, I didn't get back to sleep.

Glad you liked the pic. I'm sorry about the fires.  I hope they dissipate.  But you live in a beautiful place! My dream is coming out west someday for a vacay. California,  Oregon,  Colorado.  All such beautiful places to live. Im stuck in southwest Ohio. Born here but I did live in Tampa for a few years back in 1980s. That's where I met my hubs. 

Im still hurting today but since finding the feather yesterday I feel a bit more measure of peace. Its so weird it happened Tuesday /Wednesday after I brought her home. I hope I keep getting signs. 🙏 

May I ask who is Panther? I know you mentioned a dog in your other post. Hope he is OK no matter. 

 

Hope your day is good despite all the stuff going on and lack of sleep. I've had many many sleepless nights since Raj passed. See you soon and thanks again for all the support and info. 🙌 

 

 

 

[KayC]

Entire town Oakridge & Westfir under evacuation 1...pack and be ready to go.  I am at the top of the green area, closest to the fire.  I will likely lose the contents of my refrigerator during thiis.  No generator use allowed.

It could be a long while before I'm online as my laptop is dead.

https://www.kezi.com/news/oakridge-and-westfir-ordered-to-be-ready-to-evacuate-ahead-of-cedar-creek-fire/article_6ecab290-2fe2-11ed-a6c1-9f18f673a1c1.html?fbclid=IwAR2e7aAdPtL-yT4GiBLO_BGKP20ksDfRAEeANnMC-2CaJpRvQUb8Acp0FxE

[Mar22]

I'm so sorry. Take care.

[foreverhis]

Oh no, Kay! I sent a little request (prayer?) out just now to John to help watch over you and Kodie. 

I will keep you both in my heart today.❤️

[Benjismommy]

@KayC Hope you and Kodie are safe. 

[KayC]

Im at my daughter's on a borrowed laptop

[foreverhis]

On 9/7/2022 at 5:08 PM, KayC said:

Here is our diabetic group if you're interested in joining/learning...
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2249357341987919

That's an excellent resource.  I know John and I lucked out that when he had blood tests showing FBS of 145 and A1C of 6.6, our internist was so helpful.   When we got home that day, John said, "I'm not having it.  I'm just not having it!" and vowed then to reverse it.  There wasn't much he could do about his long-term conditions from his accident, except manage them as much as possible, but he could darn well do something about diabetes.  I suppose it didn't hurt that our doctor's partner in the small practice was an endocrinologist.

First, he started John on a "baby" dose of metformin to start getting his FBS under control, but he said he did not want that or any medication to be the long-term solution.  Instead, he sent us to "school."  Literally, 3 hours one evening a week for 2-1/2 months.  It's a Medicare-approved course (so covered 100% in John's case) taught by an endocrinology NP who created it in conjunction with experts in various fields of medicine.  We learned what we knew that was right, what we thought that was wrong, and how to address various issues like diet, exercise when you have long-term medical conditions unrelated to diabetes, and also some excellent information about the mechanics of diabetes, the damage it does, and how it affects long-term health.

Within 6 months, John's FBS was between 100-120 and his A1C dropped to 6.  We already had a mostly healthy diet, but we made some modest changes that really weren't hard to do.  Within 18 months, he had lost 25 lb (he had been 45ish lb over his ideal weight), his overall blood tests were better, his FBS was less than 100 and his A1C was 5.4.  At 2 years, he'd lost 30ish lb, his FBS was around 80-90, and his A1C was 5.1.  He never went above that tiny dose of metformin (literally had to cut the pills in half).  When our doctor told him he could stop taking it and to just keep doing what he was doing with lifestyle, I was so proud of him.

But I know that most people don't have doctors like ours.  They just get prescription after prescription and far too much misinformation.  Having a resource like that one you are part of is so important, especially because you speak from personal experience.

[AJWCat]

Oh @KayC I hope your home is okay. You obviously have Kodie with you. 

[KayC]

Oh yes!