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Patrick1990

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Hello everyone I’m new to this forum thing but I’m in so much pain that I feel I have to talk to someone or some people that can sympathize. I came from a great and loving family. I had both my parents and 3 older brothers. Up until 18 I was fortunate enough to not have experienced any deaths in my family. That all changed in 09 when my oldest, and favorite brother died from heart failure. None of us saw this coming and it had a deep effect on me. I got involved with drugs and gangs and selling drugs. Got clean got married, divorced, went back to drugs. Landed in prison. I was locked up for almost two years. During that time my Dad wrote me almost every week encouraging me to keep going. To not give up. I completely overhauled my life. When I got out i moved in with my best friend, got a good job, saved money, met a great girl and got married. Two months after I got married my best friend killed himself. Instead of self destructing like when my brother died  I pushed threw it and kept everything together. My wife and Dad helping me all the way. Then the pandemic happened but I was so happy that it didn’t take anyone in my family. In 2021 my wife and I got pregnant with a little girl and we were all so happy. Then right after she was born my brother and his wife split up under messy circumstances. A few months after that my brother started to attack everyone in my family, especially my Dad. My brother was just tearing into my dad. A few days after the worst text he sent my dad, my mom found dad dead. We think it was just to much for my 76 year old father to handle. He had also been suffering from cancer for 10 years. So now I’m here truly feeling so alone so sad so just hallow and I don’t know what to do. I always push threw my problems but this is just to much. 

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Dear Patrick,

You have really been through some difficult and life-changing circumstances. I'm so sorry about your older brother passing so young and now your dad. What a wonderful father, to remain strong and encourage you through imprisonment and all of the tough things you went through. He sounds like a great, caring and loving dad.

It's hard to understand when someone  lashes out like that - but now your brother must be feeling terrible that he sent those texts. In the meantime, you need to grieve for your dad and maybe take some space from your brother. I'm sure your mom must be heartbroken as well. 

I wish I could say there is a manual on how to deal with all of this,  but each of us muddles through our pain and anguish by ourselves and the journey can feel so long. Thankfully there are places like this to come to and share. I hope you find some comfort here and a place to express yourself. 

You will be able to find joy again, your little girl will help you with that as you watch her grow and become her own person. It's cliched, but it really does take time to process loss. 

Take care of yourself.

 

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