Heartbroken, missing my Leo

[Mother of Dragons]

I don’t usually share my feelings or post on social media but I’m struggling right now. I lost my Leo and I’m broken and in pain. He was an amazing beautiful orange bearded dragon, 5 years old. He was such a good dragon. He loved cuddling, food, watching outdoors, being talked to, camping, and I know he loved us. ❤️
He was my comfort everyday because I spent most my days with him. I miss him so much. He made me feel loved, calm, and comforted so I feel like I don’t know what to do now without him. The guilt and what ifs are crippling me.
We had two bearded dragons, Leo & Lizzy. We got both of them at the same time, same place, when they were teenie tiny babies. Both had separate cages. We moved my son’s bearded dragon, Lizzy, to where Leo’s cage was so I could see her more and talk to her. I hold her everyday, feed her, uncover her in the morning, cover her at night, and talk to her whenever I walk by her cage.❤️

Did any of you talk to a grief counselor to help you? My husband told me he was just a lizard and I should move on and get help but to me he was Leo, part of my family. I have absolutely no family (except my husband & two boys) or friends to talk to so I’m alone, trying my best to get better. I’m pushing through dishes, laundry, making meals for my family, but I still break down and sleep a lot so I’m not thinking about him. I’m struggling to eat but trying to stay hydrated & take my vitamins. The smell of food make me nauseas. I did write Leo a letter (advice from a pet website), I watch a comedy TV show that is distracting me but not making me laugh. If it’s silent I think too much or if I walk by his cage and see places he sat I fall apart. 

Is this just something that takes time or should I be seeking help? I could use all the advice from those who have gone through the same and what helped you get through. Thanks so much! ❤️ 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  Normally I respond every morning, but I was away taking care of grandkids and my laptop quit, so Iapologize you didn't get a response sooner.

It doesn't help when people tell us to move on.  That said, yes, I'd say a grief counselor would be of help, so does letting your feelings out here or an in-person or online grief support group.  There are counselors that specialize in pets.

I am just so sorry for all you are going through.  I would say it helps to get another pet, but also to process your grief as much as you can beforehand.  However, I lost my Arlie (dog) who I called my soulmate in a dog (my husband died 17 years ago), and four months later my son brought me another dog.  I needed him so much, he's not Arlie, but I love him for his unique qualities.  And he gives me incentive and purpose in my life that I need.  I can't say when or if you would be ready to consider it, only that it's a consideration if/when the time is right.

If you can't eat, a good option would be smoothies, so long as you're not Diabetic (I help run a couple of diabetic groups).

There's a lot of good recipes online and one I used to have before diabetes was one with spinach, banana, strawberries, orange juice concentrate, celery, granola, protein powder.  Another one was kale, with similar.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[Mother of Dragons]

On 8/24/2022 at 10:27 AM, KayC said:

I am so sorry for your loss.  Normally I respond every morning, but I was away taking care of grandkids and my laptop quit, so Iapologize you didn't get a response sooner.

It doesn't help when people tell us to move on.  That said, yes, I'd say a grief counselor would be of help, so does letting your feelings out here or an in-person or online grief support group.  There are counselors that specialize in pets.

I am just so sorry for all you are going through.  I would say it helps to get another pet, but also to process your grief as much as you can beforehand.  However, I lost my Arlie (dog) who I called my soulmate in a dog (my husband died 17 years ago), and four months later my son brought me another dog.  I needed him so much, he's not Arlie, but I love him for his unique qualities.  And he gives me incentive and purpose in my life that I need.  I can't say when or if you would be ready to consider it, only that it's a consideration if/when the time is right.

If you can't eat, a good option would be smoothies, so long as you're not Diabetic (I help run a couple of diabetic groups).

There's a lot of good recipes online and one I used to have before diabetes was one with spinach, banana, strawberries, orange juice concentrate, celery, granola, protein powder.  Another one was kale, with similar.

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

KayC, thank you so much for replying, the great suggestions and info, and sharing your story. You are so thoughtful and kind to take time out of your day to send me a message.

I am so sorry for your loss. I think it helps to have a companion with us to get us through. Lizzy is keeping me company. She cuddles with me, I talk to her, and she gives me something to look forward to everyday. 

I do enjoy smoothies so I will try that today, thanks. It’s been hard to get back into my normal routine but I’m doing my best. I’m also finding it hard to do the things I used to love doing but I noticed each day I can breath a teeny bit more. 

Thanks again for your help, links, and video. They did bring me some comfort. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you reached out. ❤️

[KayC]

II forgot one of the main ingredients...yogurt!!

I hope today goes a bit better for you, baby steps

 

[Mother of Dragons]

That’s a great idea. I have Greek yogurt in the fridge I forgot about so thank you for that reminder and suggestion ❤️