a new hope :)

[Masitah]

Hello everyone. It's been 14 hours since my last goodbye to Kittie. I finally have the courage to share my grief and something I learned since joining this community. 

First of all, I am very much grateful to read all the sharing from this website. I only slept for an hour last night and I had to go to class at 7 am so in the middle of commuting to class I get to most of the posts here. 

All these time I thought that grieving means to not be able to live normally because it shows that I am not honouring the death; I thought grieving is just continuously crying and if I can't cry anymore I don't grieve enough; these are just some of my negative thoughts that have been stuck with me throughout. 

I definitely did a lot of self-blame as well, a lot of "what ifs" and "I could've done better" and "he shouldn't die that way" but it came to my senses that it happens, all the time. And it happened to almost every pet owners and the death of our fur babies does not indicate that we are lacking in taking care of them. 

I start to appreciate all the efforts that most of the users here shared in the forums on the journey of staying by the babies' sides til the end of their lives and I am inspired to be as loving as most of you here. 

I also had been feeling anxious for wanting to adopt another pet, fearing that the pet might get hurt and that I may not be able to protect them but what I do now realise is that they might need the love that I've had given to my late cats. 

To my boy Kittie, thank you for being the best boy I have ever had. Thank you for all the moments that you have showed me love. Thank you for giving me a chance to loving you. Thank you for giving me an endless amount of happiness and how all my worries and sorrow had gone away by just looking into your eyes. I will always always miss you and know that you are irreplaceable, and you own a special place in my heart. 

To those who's taking your time reading this, thank you and I inspire to be as strong as you. Grieving process is messy and I believe I would have hurt myself further if I did not come across this page and most of you have actually instilled another blooming hope in me that I am capable of providing an adequate love to my pets. 

[KayC]

I responded to you last night in the other post (Today is 5 years).  

No, they don't need the love you had for your others...they need love for them, their uniqueness, who they are.  I found that esp. when I lost my soulmate in a dog, Arlie...all of the special qualities he had...died with him.  My new dog doesn't have his goofiness, his special qualities, all the things that made him him...but he has his own.  I got to know him and love him for who he is, and we're very closely bonded now.  I miss my Arlie still, but it has nothing to do with Kodie beyond his patience and understanding of me.

Getting another Pet