Beautiful inside and out

[BarbaraWasMyBestFriend]

My beloved mom/best friend passed away on 7-15-22 at age 75. She had been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer less than a week before. She deteriorated fast and it was devastating. She died at home that evening. Unfortunately, I still see images of her dead body in the bed. I have no idea how I am supposed to continue life without her. I am lucky to have a great support system with my husband and best friend. However, I can't imagine my future without her in it. I know it will get better in time (blah blah) but with it still being so fresh it is devastating. My dad seems to be doing ok, i guess. We have a weird relationship. We have been talking once a week since she passed though. Just wanted to share a condensed version of my story and share some favorite pics I have of my mom and myself. 

[Summersun]

I am so, so sorry for your loss! To lose her so fast and so young is devastating. Please try to imagine, if you can, that she had already left her body at the point your mind took that image.

I have a tendency to torture myself with images like that, whether it is her in the hospital or her in the grave or her now under the earth. People who work in hospitals who have seen a lot of people die report a complete shift in energy when that happens. Like literally the soul leaves the body behind. It is very hard for us here to imagine that because that's the only form and shape we ever knew our mothers in. In other countries that is different. I heard that for example somewhere in Asia I think it was Japan when there has been a car accident on the road people come back the next day with brooms to clear the road, but also to collect someone's soul. So there is a different understanding that the soul is something that lives on, seperately, even after the body has been carried away. And they want to take care of it. 

So whatever we'll imagine, it is just their physical shape, not them anymore, and I try to soothe myself with that when I am horrified again and up at night, thinking how she was invaded by doctors machines, how they hurt and violated her. It' s the only good news, that they are free from that now.

I hope that your mama had an easier time than mine leaving this earth. And I hope that you have strength now going through all that happens, and I wish you peace of mind. It sounds very cliche, but your mummy wouldn't want you to suffer right now. If she could she would probably tell you: yes that was shocking, yes,  that was very fast.

and:  I'm fine.

Much love to you!

summersun

PS: the pics are beautiful!

 

[BarbaraWasMyBestFriend]

I cannot tell you how better your post made me feel better. You are right! She was long gone when I saw her. And it's like you know my mom. She would have totally said those things! And she would have told me to put my big girl panties on. LOL. She always said that when I didn't want to do something tough. 

I am sorry to hear about your mother's suffering. A part of me thinks my mom didn't want to have to deal with that down the road and just gave up. At least that's how I like to look at it - that she died on her own terms. Did your mom have cancer as well? 

I love your encouraging words, I really needed them today!! 

Much love to you!

K

 

 

[MarkinFL]

My mom also died of cancer a little over 2 months ago.  At first it seemed like she was just giving up but then she rallied, had a 2nd wind of sorts and then got worse over a 6 month period.  I had gone to say goodbye to her when it looked like she was going to die in January.  That was awful and the hardest thing to do as I live 1000 miles away.  We continued to have weekly zoom family meetings with my sisters and parents and it was very hard watching my mom get sicker and sicker to the point she couldn't even sit up and then was bedridden.  I've been pushing it all down since she died and kind of just get smacked and leveled by waves of grief when it catches up to me.  Things like seeing my mom waste away to being almost a skeleton, losing all her hair, having accidents, collapsing on the floor and not being able to get up, and the family having to lift her up and even call 911.  It was also traumatizing watching my dad go through all that as she was always the one to take care of him and we never thought my mom would go first.   They were together for almost 59 years.  She was the one always in control and such a dynamic force.  I also struggle that I was away (even though present on video calls and over the phone a lot) and my sisters (particularly 1 sister who lives in the same town as my parent) got exposed to so much more of the nitty gritty and daily struggles first hand and I was 1000 miles away.  I feel guilty even though I know it's not fully rational and my mom would not want me to feel that way.  

 

In any case.  I did want to write to express how I feel your pain.  Losing your mom from cancer is horrible.  You only get one mom in life and it stirs up so much stuff to go through the loss and at the end to not have that person who provided you with the most love and nurturing to begin with.