Missing my sweet little girl so terribly....

[JCN]

Well, I'm new here on this site - - - I guess I just don't know what else to do.  I lost my sweet little girl January 12, 2022.  She was 22 and she was so important to me, but I never realized how important she really was until I realized that I couldn't ever see her face again or hear her voice or call her or see a call from her or hear a funny joke.  Going to her oncologist and all of the doctor appointments was so exhausting for us both, especially her, but I would give anything to be exhausted like that again.  She beat the cancer, which was a miracle at Stage 4 a -- - - - she died from a complication which caused a deadly strep infection to close her airway - - - the ambulance couldn't help much and the hospital struggled for too long to get air to her, so her poor little brain died and I watched it happen.  It was horrific - - as bad as it could be minus blood - - blood would've made it worse.  She lasted two days in the big hospital after she was airlifted.  I got to sleep in the bed next to her the second night and I felt her slipping away.  She took her last little breaths in my arms after they unhooked the machines - - - It's getting harder with each day that passes, my mind is panicked wondering where she is and why it's been so long since I've spoken to her or seen her.  I wonder every day if I pulled the machines too soon - but they said there wasn't any hope.  13 minutes of CPR - - they had to shock her back - - it was just too long without oxygen and without a heart beat.  I never went wedding dress shopping with her, I will never feel her pregnant belly or see her be a mother.  I have nothing left of her and it's getting harder every day.  I miss her more than anything and the pain is crushing.  Counseling doesn't help - - they can't fix my problem - - I just have to feel this pain - - there's only one way to get to the other side and that's through it.  I love you sweet little baby girl.

[reader]

(((hugs))) JCN