Today is 5 Years... What I Have Learned About Grief

[AJWCat]

It's one thing to own a pet and you want to make their life good. Comfortable. Decent. Yes, sometimes it's not perfect, we get busy and distracted.

But what you don't expect is that you'll cause something awful to happen. 

We were on vacation at a house in the mountains and our sweet cat we'd had for 10 years must have ingested something because he got violently sick (we still don't know what he ate, he was indoors only). A couple hours later he was put down (literally out of his misery) after the emergency vet said all his organs were shutting down and he was not going to respond to the attempts they'd made to save him.  

The rest of the vacation was laying bed in shock over the horrible death of our sweet animal. And then leaving without him. 

What I've Learned... 

When you don't see it coming, you go into shock. Your brain will replay it over and over because you literally don't understand or don't want to believe.

There are stages of grief. They're not in order.

And it's chaos early on. Grief is the strongest emotion I think I've ever felt. Nauseated. Angry. Heartbroken. Confused. Fearful. Guilty. All in one feeling. 

Then, there are days you feel okay and then you get hit with a wave you never saw coming.

You have to be patient. 

You don't think you can survive it. Yes you will survive it. You don't know how. It's moment by moment sometimes.

There is a crack in my heart that will never repair. I have somehow managed to come to terms with what happened as best as I can. And that's all I will get. The anger and despair has faded. But I will never be the same person. That night changed me. All we can do is go on.    

It's your process. Don't let anyone dictate the terms of your grief.

Eventually you will something that looks like peace and you will think of your pet and instead of feeling sick or wanting to cry, you will smile. In the early days, that sounds impossible. Again, be patient. 

A lot of people don't get it. You may feel very alone. Come here. People who are deeply attached to their pets need a place to share it. Get it out.   
No other pet can or will replace the one we lost. 

However... In order to have the life I want, it must include a cat. We adopted a sweet little 2 year old kitty a few months after our loss (yes it was hard and I cried on a day that should have been happy) and she is now 7. We also got a little senior dog a few months ago, too. So, I signed up to have more pain in the future.

They make life funny and wonderful and I imagine I will experience losing them both. And it's going to be awful.

But, the love is worth it. The love is always worth it. 

RIP sweet cat. We haven't forgotten you. 

 

[KayC]

Of course you haven't, we never forget them, no matter how many years pass.  Yes, you've learned the same things I have.  More than anyone can pen into words...

[Masitah]

Reading this gives me comfort. I have just lost a dear cat of 2 years the same way, he ingested something and was poisoned. My and my boyfriend took care him really well and of course, some things are so cruel that it just happened without reasons and this is one of it. Honestly, I still am struggling to describe the feelings and my mind is shutting down from thinking about what had just happened. It's been 4 hours since our last goodbye, I couldn't sleep right now and I was at war with my head because I wanted to suppress all these depressing thoughts. Thank you again for this genuine post, it's totally relatable. Some people in my real life don't get it but I really feel like I am not alone right now.

[AJWCat]

Oh no @Masitah I am so sorry to read this! Sadly you are not alone, everyone here has lost our pets, for every reason you can imagine, and we are totally devastated. We never think we can get through it. We do, but it is NOT easy. I am glad my post helped you. Hang in there.  

[Masitah]

@AJWCat  Thank you. This is not my first time losing a cat but no matter how many losses I have ever experienced, it does not get any less painful. I have lost 3 cats so far (including Kittie) and right now I only have 1 left, and the only thing that played in my mind is that how do I cope if I happen to lose this one next...sigh. It's really getting depressing.

[AJWCat]

It is hard. I have lost 3 too over my life. I love cats too much not to endure it though. No choice. 

[KayC]

Thinking of you and wishing you comfort and peace so you can sleep...I am so sorry for your loss.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

[Gary55]

Thank you for this post. So well written. I'm not at 2 years yet, but I'm starting to understand this thing called grief. The despair and devastation stage has passed, yet as you say, I'll never be the same person again either. I don't know why but I can't help thinking of things as on a scale. Sometimes I think of a scale of sadness. Sometimes happiness. If I think of the day Goldie passed as a 10 on the sadness scale, I'd say I'm probably around the 8 Mark now. That can become a 9 often when something hits me. I suppose I'm just lumping all the stages of grief into one figure. As you also say, all we can do is go on. 

[AJWCat]

Thanks for reading and your comments @Gary55 Definitely can relate to the scale.