Sister took her own life

[shiny_unicorn]

Last Tuesday, my sister (who was 25) took her own life. 

To all of us it seemed out of nowhere, but we received a scheduled email from her yesterday that made it very clear she'd been feeling this way for years.

And she had been planning this for nearly two months. 

I don't know if I'm not absorbing it or if it's going to hit later but the fact that she had been planning it for so long kind of helps me... At least it wasn't an impulsive decision - because you always hear about people regretting it (if they survive)...

I don't really know what I'm doing here I just needed to write something out. Might add to this later. 

 

 

[Ronni_W]

shiny_unicorn, my sympathies on your loss. (I know that those words are really quite so stupid and empty and meaningless -- when people said that to me after my husband died, it was like, "Oh, thank you so much", but in the back of my head was also running all kinds of other thoughts.  Problem is, we only have these stupid, empty, meaningless words to try to convey something meaningful and full and important.)

Death from suicide is a whole other thing than death from Covid or cancer. My husband also died under 'unusual circumstances', so most of the grief "experts" and "counselors" really haven't been all that useful or helpful for me, personally. They want to tell me that I'm suffering from "complicated grief"...but it is not that. It is that the death of my loved one was/is complicated, and, therefore, traumatizing to me. (My grief is normal, reasonable, to be expected under the circumstances.)

It will hit you later, and then later, and then later again -- but grief would have done that to you, anyway, even if it was 'just' Covid or cancer (by which I only mean some type of cause of death with which people are more familiar; not that one is 'better' or 'worse' than another).

I don't really know what I'm trying to offer here, either. It took me a year-and-a-half to realize that I needed to access different healing and support resources. The ones that are focused on suicide, and on 'trauma-informed therapy and therapeutic tools', have been more informative and thus more helpful for me (even though my husband didn't actually die from suicide).

Again, shiny_unicorn, my sympathies and condolences on your loss of your sister.     Hugs, Ronni