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Wasn’t there for my sister


Jolidi

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My sister died from cancer in April 2020, just one month into lockdown due to Covid. We’d known for two years that she had terminal cancer and I promised I would be there at the end. In the event, Covid hit us and I wasn’t allowed to be with her. The hospice would only let her husband in, and even then only right at the end. The cancer moved to her brain so I don’t know if she understood why I wasn’t there. Her funeral was arranged for 10.30 am and we made the decision not to go, partly because of the risk of Covid and partly because I live 140 miles away. At the time you couldn’t stay in a hotel and we were likely to be pulled over several times on the way up as only essential travel was allowed. But now I feel so guilty. I wished I’d left home at 5 am to allow plenty of time for getting pulled over. I miss my sister so badly, we were very close but now I never feel her with me.

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BIG hugs, Jolidi, and my heartfelt feelings and condolences on your loss of your sister.

With the hope that it may help even if just a little bit, I would offer that, on account of and due to this verkakte global pandemic that is called Covid-19, there is a vast world of a difference between the promises we made to our loved ones pre-Covid, and what we were subsequently then able to do (safely and legally) to honour and uphold our promises.

That is, for me, it's not that I broke any promises, but it was that, only due to circumstances totally and entirely outside of my own control, I did not do -- was not (safely and legally) able to do -- what I would have most happily done; most happily and eagerly and gladly would have done, had it been reasonably and realistically possible for me to do.     As I said to someone at the time (back August 2020), "Are you kidding me??? I would have crawled those 200 kilometers on my hands and knees, to get to him!!!" (My now-deceased husband.)

I think...maybe you also, yes? If you would have been able to see, at that time and given those global circumstances, any sort of reasonable and realistic way to get to and be with your sister, you would have crawled there. It sucks majorly, but somehow we still need to try to not let the realities of Covid add even more levels and burdens of grief and sadness and loss and guilt/regret to our psyches, on top of what we are already having to bear and suffer through.  Somehow, Jolidi...I'm still working on it myself, and do find that this community here is also so helpful in their understanding, empathy and support.

Love and hugs,   Ronni

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