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Right where you left me


Kris C

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Kris C,

I hope that it gets easier for you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Earlier today I was also journaling about our last hours and minutes and minute together -- mine and my now-deceased husband's.  Let us hope that, however was the actual reality of the situation, that they knew how much we loved and appreciated them (even if we didn't specifically express and say it in words). Let us hope that they knew. Yes?

Love and hugs,   Ronni

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I miss you so much
On 8/2/2022 at 5:16 AM, Kris C said:

It has been 353 days since my fiancé died. Today, I wondered what was I doing this exact day last year. Was I stressing out about work? Was I preparing dinner for the kids? Was I trying to make food to take to the hospital? Was I laughing? Was I crying? Was I worried? Did I talked to him over the phone? Did I call the nurse station? Did we fought? No matter what it was, today, I hoped I told you that I love you. I hoped I told you that I’m waiting for you to come back home. I hoped I made you laugh a little. I miss you. I miss the little family we had. I miss laughing so hard with you. I miss annoying you. I miss your love. I miss us. I’m still here, breathing, wishing every day I wasn’t.

So beautiful your message

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On 8/1/2022 at 8:16 PM, Kris C said:

It has been 353 days since my fiancé died. Today, I wondered what was I doing this exact day last year. Was I stressing out about work? Was I preparing dinner for the kids? Was I trying to make food to take to the hospital? Was I laughing? Was I crying? Was I worried? Did I talked to him over the phone? Did I call the nurse station? Did we fought? No matter what it was, today, I hoped I told you that I love you. I hoped I told you that I’m waiting for you to come back home. I hoped I made you laugh a little. I miss you. I miss the little family we had. I miss laughing so hard with you. I miss annoying you. I miss your love. I miss us. I’m still here, breathing, wishing every day I wasn’t.

I understand every bit of this.  Every year, as "the day" draws near, I think about what I and we were doing.  All the good and the bad and the downright horrible.  These are questions that make so much sense to me. 

The only thing that has changed for me in the 4-1/2 years since I lost my love is that I no longer want to join him just yet.  I sure did the first 2+ years.  I'd even "bargain" about how long I had to endure life without him.  But I still often say aloud to him, "I miss you so much." because whether he can hear me or not, I need him to know that I will miss him every day for the rest of my life.

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