‘Signs & Signals’ from Our Lost Spouse?

[MaddHollander]

Another bereavement website had the topic: “Signs & Signals’ from Our Lost Spouse that received a lot of responses.
 

Me, I haven’t had any but posted a response that; a) there was a female Cardinal in my wife’s cemetery one morning hopping from headstone to headstone making a racket and b) I’ve been told that some people believe a Cardinal is a sign from their loved one that they are fine.

Someone replied to my comment that Cardinals are very common, make a lot of noise and that their presence in a cemetery has absolutely no significance. OUCH! 
 

OK, but some people believe there are signs, feel like they’ve had a sign, wish they would get a sign or don’t believe in them. What’s your opinion or experience? 
 

 

 

 

[RandyTN]

No signs or signals since my wife of 33 yrs passed April 1st.   But her sister, who went above & beyond to support us both for several years throughout my wife's illness  ... including letting us stay in her house ... did.  (she lives close to the major cancer center we'd been travelling to for surgeries, chemos, radiation)   She awoke from sleep and had a vision of my wife coming down the stairs, then coming to her & holding her hand & kissing her cheek.  This was a week or so after passing.   She said it wasn't at all like a dream, but very real and she didn't go back to sleep.   Like a vision or something.  Said she had never experienced anything like it and she doesn't ever have dreams that seemed so real as it was.   So .... I dunno?  (none of us have an afterlife belief, btw)

[RandyTN]

Your post just torques me off a little bit 'KayC'.  I made a simple statement relevant to my story on the topic & you go off & make one huge assumption about  me with your post.  Now,  I don't want to get in a spat with anyone on here, but ... what the hay is that supposed to mean?  Not having a belief in something is being "cocksure"?   How so?   I wouldn't deny the "possibility" (anything's remotely "possible" in the universe I suppose)  I just don't hold any kind of firm "belief" that there is one.  It's a nice idea, sure.  And doubtless it brings a lot of emotional comfort to some.   

Believe me (pun intended) I would like to believe ... going off to some wonderful heaven where everything is going to be just peachy keen for ever & ever .. yeah, sounds great!  But I'm a man whose life is guided by logic and credible evidence (not that I don't have an emotional life either) and I've just never seen the logic and credible evidence that would lead me to adopt a "belief" in such a thing.

Perhaps you are the one who is "so cocksure" (as you put it)?  Ever think about that?  

Supposing you were relating a personal anecdote on this thread & mentioned you/your family believed in an afterlife ... & I posted back to you "don't be so cocksure"?   Pretty darn insensitive and arrogant, right?  Except I wouldn't do that because I don't push my lack of a belief on others (unless they are asking of course)  It's rude, imo.  And what's the point of it?

This is exactly why some of my religious/spiritual friends and relatives have been of zero support for me so far as I'm concerned since my wife's passing.  Taking advantage of my grief to try & push their religious/spiritual/etc beliefs on me ... like I've never in my life considered or examined such things for myself.   In fact their efforts have actually been a huge detriment to me emotionally and I had to start pushing those people away ... in no uncertain terms with a couple of them who were arrogantly persistent.

Here's a deal for ya .... we will neither of us be arrogant about what we do/don't believe and I won't disparage your "belief" (which I haven't) and you don't disparage the fact that I don't share it.  Okay?

[widower2]

 

WE ARE THE WORLLLLLLLLLD...................

 

  Can we move on please?

[Roseapple]

I was in someway almost expecting him to come to me. We were joking about it, that if he dies he will haunt me and I said, well you better!  I keep looking for signs, I just don’t want him to be gone. I wish I could feel his arms around me. 

[Ronni_W]

On 7/29/2022 at 6:02 AM, RandyTN said:

No signs or signals since my wife of 33 yrs passed April 1st.   But her sister, [...]  (none of us have an afterlife belief, btw)

RandyTN,

I think that I got that you were ONLY referring to the people in your own post (specifically, you and your sister-in-law), and not to any other members here.

On 7/28/2022 at 9:58 PM, MaddHollander said:

[...] Someone replied to my comment that Cardinals are very common, make a lot of noise and that their presence in a cemetery has absolutely no significance. OUCH! 

OK, but some people believe there are signs, feel like they’ve had a sign, wish they would get a sign or don’t believe in them. What’s your opinion or experience?

MaddHollander,

Yes, some people do believe that we who are 'left behind', as it were, can get 'signs'. I used to be one of those (who believed that it is/was possible for my now-deceased husband to be able to send me a 'sign').   But, now that he is actually dead, I'm not so cocksure as I used to be, about it. There is, these days, a much bigger part of me that actually kinda hopes that he has no contact or connection with this side of 'life', because, if he did know, then he'd also necessarily know how I'm not doing so well without him, and I'd not want him to have to be worrying about that (me). I'd rather that he is very happily on his way to his own higher growth and development.

Love and hugs to you, RandyTN and MaddHollander, and to one and all.   Ronni

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Ronni_W said:

RandyTN,

I think that I got that you were ONLY referring to the people in your own post (specifically, you and your sister-in-law), and not to any other members here.

Wow, it hit me you are so right!  Please forgive me @RandyTN I've been down with Covid the last 1 1/2 weeks, I think it affected my brain, I can only apologize, for I thought you were speaking for all of us, what a different perspective!  I deleted my comment.  Still have Covid, will try not to post much...

[Gord]

Well I had an amazing thing happen to me. Carol died last August. Some time later I thought about an old colleague of mine who had stopped in at out lake place a few years ago…she had quit working for the school division I work for, and was doing self empowerment for women as well as working as a medium, a skill she says she has had all her life and that everyone has the ability to do. Not so sure about that last bit, but very sure about what I experienced. She had small group sessions for medium messaging and I went to her session in March. It was unbelievable. I knew that people who seek out a medium are very susceptible to generalized statements etc and wanting it to be true. On her web site she she had a disclaimer that she could not guarantee everyone would get messages…it turned out that of the 10 of us attending, I was one of the fortunate 6 that received messages and it was overpowering. I was careful to look for any generic generalizations, although I did trust her from knowing her, and kept detailed notes on everything that night. Of the 6 that did get messages, 5 were so incredibly specific including mine, that there was no doubt at all about the validity of what we were given. I went in as neither a disbeliever nor a believer, but was just open minded. What came to me was so on point that it raised my faith and belief in God!!! She told me things that only my beautiful Carol and I knew. In fact the medium, knowing us, was not even aware Carol had passed away and was crying herself. It was the best thing I have done for helping myself because I now know for the first time, that there is a heaven and Carol is there. I have always had strong faith but never has anyone been able to give me definite proof that it existed, not even friends and family that are clergy. The next morning, when I woke, it was like at least half the pain and burden had been lifted from my shoulders. It was that dramatic. I still have much pain and longing for my beautiful Carol, but know that one day we will be reunited for sure.I am sure there are scam artists out there as mediums, but if you were fortunate enough to find a real one, it will give you great comfort and relief. May God help all of you in this terrible time and may you find comfort some how and some way.- Gord

[Ronni_W]

Gord, yes, exactly! For sure there are con artists out there, who will prey on those of us who, in present time, feel hopeless, and powerless and  'weakened' including in our faith, trust and confidence; and, thus, will, if we let them, devour us.

As you did, we do need to keep a very open mind while also being *extremely* discerning in how we hear, accept and 'integrate' any new evidence. If it is specific enough that no-one else on Earth could possibly know about it...then...???

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in sensing, exploring, following these types of thoughts that come to us. I don't care if we call it "Divine thoughts", "inspired ideas and concepts, or even, really 'artificial' or 'outer-willed' intelligence.     For me, if it feels that a Higher 'Something' is there (by whatever name or label we might want to give to that 'something' -- whether 'science' or 'philosophy' or 'natural evolution' or 'God' or 'spirituality' or whatever), then why not explore it further? Why be afraid to explore 'science' further? Why be afraid to explore 'philosophy' further?

Love and hugs and all Good Things to you, Gord.   Ronni

[Jemiga70]

On 8/8/2022 at 4:34 PM, Gord said:

but if you were fortunate enough to find a real one, it will give you great comfort and relief.

@Gord  Gord, that's great, I have heard time and time again, in my 15 months of researching evidence for an afterlife, of people like you whose terrible grief has been lessened because of an evidential session with a medium.  I'm really happy for you that you got comfort from your session.  For sure there are fraudsters and predators out there, and also people who think they have the gift but really don't, but there are also people who truly have a gift from God I believe.  I read a story from a lady who said that her faith/church didn't help, counseling didn't help, her friends and family didn't help, pharmaceuticals didn't help (lessen her grief) . . . but the only thing that TRULY helped her was a session with an evidential medium.  I am not knocking religion or any other form of healing, just repeating what she said.

[Sparky1]

I've had the strangest occurence the last few days. I sit at my computer in the basement and I hear this knock, knock. I thought it was the drain in the sink acting up again. Finally, I noticed there's a red cardinal with food in it's mouth pecking at the window. This has been happening on and off for the last few days. 

I looked up the meaning of this and there's a lot of differing opinions, but the most common consensus is that it's a sign from your loved one telling you that they're okay. Another interpretation is that good tidings are coming my way, and yet another says that it's an omen of someone close that is not doing too well. Very unnerving experience to say the least, but I believe it is a sign from my wife.

 

[KayC]

Sparky, that is so neat!

[cowsaregreat]

When my husband passed, there was a plague of flies in the house. And they're still hanging around. I read that it means the person isn't yet at rest or doesn't want to move on. In my very confused, foggy, sad and anxious brain I've been telling him he can move on now, that it's ok. I feel like I'm insane doing that but i feel like it's helping me 'communicate' with him in a way.

[HisPumpkin]

I’m not religious. I’m not atheist. Maybe I’m agnostic. I’m open to possibility. I guess I’m more spiritual than fixed faith. My logical brain bats things back and forth. Coincidence, seredipity, sign? 

I can’t believe after physical death there is nothing. I think that would probably kill me. I take comfort in believing there is something, though I’m not sure what. So I allow myself to believe what brings me the smallest amounts of comfort to survive the loss.

In saying that, my logical brain does like to fight whatever I perceive as signs and tell me I’m cuckoo for coco pops. I’m way more harsh with myself than I ever am about what others believe. I yo-yo through - yes, he’s still with me, to no, I’m just seeing what I want to see. Then I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t really matter - if I believe something that gives me comfort, I’ll find out the truth when I cross the veil (or not, if there’s nothing, but then I’ll be oblivious anyway). 

Things happened, especially in the early days, that I don’t know how to explain. The clock in the kitchen stopping on the time of D’s passing. Coming out of a session with a medium to find the store clerk had placed two little ceramic ducks either side of a dragon figurine in the window display whilst I’d been in there (I did not mention ducks or dragons in the session, and these are two very specific things that had very specific links to D - and why a store clerk would position ducks aside dragons is beyond me). 

I asked D for a rainbow once, then en route home I saw a rainbow dragon in a neighbouring yard. 

There have been lots of white feathers in places birds have zero access to, but those I find harder to not logically combat, but the specific stuff above - I don’t know. I have no answers and I know in this life definitive proof is highly unlikely. But it makes it easier for me to try to live with the loss and the grief, thinking some part of him is still with me beyond just memories. 

I think for us all - we just try to find comfort in whatever way we can. I fell down a rabbit hole of what my grief counsellor called “existential crisis”. Why am I here? Why did he die? What happens after? Does anything? What’s the point to it all? Why do we experience this great joy if the price is great sadness? I guess it’s the human experience. I would not trade my short time with D for anything at all, despite feeling so utterly cheated by the sudden and devastating loss as our lives together were just beginning. He made my life better. He made me happy, the happiest I’ve ever been, just by existing. He taught me so much. He gave me so many gifts (things of far more value than all the money in the world). The price, it seems, is grief, but I know my grief is so great because the love was and remains so great. I still want to scream the biggest eff you at the universe for cutting our time so short but I know I will carry my love for him forever. And I think that doesn’t die. 

I guess from a scientific point, we know energy doesn’t die, it just changes form. What level of consciousness is retained is harder to quantify, but we will know, or not, when we get there.

I also often wonder if D is laughing. He was such a staunch atheist and in the earlier days when I was actively seeking answers I could often hear his voice in my head telling me I didn’t need some quack (that’s how he’d speak, no offence intended) to talk to him, I did it all the time on my own anyway. So I kinda gave up on the mediums and instead… I just talk TO him. Whether the answers are just me knowing what he would say, or they’re directly from him - I’m mostly past over analysing. Continuing bonds theory works for me, so I guess that’s what I will keep doing, for as long as need to. 

Hugs to all. 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

I guess from a scientific point, we know energy doesn’t die, it just changes form

I think you've described your position well, regardless of what he is, perhaps his view is enlightened now that he is beyond.

5 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

Continuing bonds theory works for me

Continuing Bonds - rituals, world, body, life, beliefs, cause, time, person, human
Continuing Bonds - WYG
Continuing Relationships
Continuing beyond physical death

[Sparky1]

6 hours ago, HisPumpkin said:

I guess from a scientific point, we know energy doesn’t die, it just changes form.

I couldn't agree more with this statement. What you just stated is our soul and spirit living on in another form. What's on the other side is another question we can't answer until we actually get there. We have to have faith and hope that yes, one day we will be reunited with our loved ones.

As for the bonds, I do believe that we were brought together with our loved one for a reason, and that the bond we shared is not broken , but surpasses any boundary that might be between us at the moment. Just my thoughts after racking my brain trying to make sense of this awful loneliness.

[Jemiga70]

On 11/6/2022 at 11:19 AM, HisPumpkin said:

The clock in the kitchen stopping on the time of D’s passing

@HisPumpkin  Thank you for sharing your experiences. Ive been investigating the metaphysical for the past 18 months because I was COMPELLED to, because how my wife passed was just too shocking and too  unbelievable and painful for me to just sit there without answers.  Ive come across others' stories of clocks stopping too.  It's amazing.  

On 11/6/2022 at 11:19 AM, HisPumpkin said:

He was such a staunch atheist

My wife NEVER spoke of afterlife or anything metaphysical.  We never talked about it.  Anytime I'd bring up something "silly" like Bigfoot or Loch Ness or UFOs, she just wasnt interested, which was fine. Her mind was firmly fixed in materialism. She was raised without religion.  Well....... if she hasnt been the enthusiastic communicator for the past 18 months. Everything from slogans on t-shirts of random people in a megacity where English is not the first language, to sleep visits, to synchronicities like songs at the exact time and a black crow feather in a place that is so unlikely as to being beyond coincidence. And so much more. Is this all in my head? No, these things happened. I've never hallucinated in my life. I was sober and lucid when these things occurred. I'm pragmatic and skeptical as hell, but open to possibility. I do wonder if profound grief cracks open a superpower within us and I was the one who created all these events to soothe the devastation. But that seems far fetched. Coincidence seems like the better explanation, but I cant buy into that 100 percent either. I was not looking for any of these things to happen; it has not been a case of seeing only what I want to see. I can't explain it but I keep investigating. Like you said I'll do anything I can to bring even a little comfort.

[KayC]

It sounds to me like you've had signs.  I don't believe in coincidences to that level.  Possible but not likely.  

[Sparky1]

@Jemiga70 I've had a few happenings that are very hard to discredit, so yes, I do believe that somehow our loved ones can cause these occurrences.

I've written about some in other posts about my wife, but a new one happened about a week ago. This time it was from my mother. She used to make these ( we call them zeppoli in Italian) donut shaped like bagels. They are not sweet. Anyway, I had asked my brother and sister if they had the recipe and neither one had it. I do have some recipes my mom gave us but they're all photocopies of the originals, but this one was not there. I was looking through my drawer to clean it out and I came across a greeting card my mom had given me way back. Inside was a sheet of paper folded and it was the zeppoli recipe written by her in pen. It is so detailed, it even tells you how to shape, cook, oven temperature, the whole works. Now I am so anxious to make them and hopefully they come out like I can remember, I can still remember the taste.

[Roxeanne]

Sparky le zeppole in italian...very good!

It is a cake,  so sweet you find the recipe in that way💕

[Sparky1]

1 hour ago, Roxeanne said:

Sparky le zeppole in italian...very good!

It is a cake,  so sweet you find the recipe in that way💕

Roxeanne, these are Calabrese zeppoli or crispelle. They are basically a flour and mashed potatoes mixture that is fried. Sometimes my mom would put anchovies in them. Every region as you know has different names for the same thing. I'm sure your region has something similar but probably under a different name. All I know is that when they're hot, you can't stop eating them. Lol

[Roxeanne]

Sorry Sparky yes every region have their food...here in the north is the cake with that name!...i will ask my calabrese friend about that food and if he is able to cook it...i never taste it...but i know that calabrese food is known to be very spicy!  i can't eat it...😂buonanotte amico mio goodnight my friend🥰

[Sparky1]

Grazie , buonanotte amica. Goodnight friend.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, Sparky1 said:

Inside was a sheet of paper folded and it was the zeppoli recipe written by her in pen.

Oh Sparky, my heart is so glad for you!  How special!  My mom used to make a Orange Nut Cake, it had chocolate chips in it and chocolate frosting on top, my kids loved it!  I have it in her handwriting on a card.  I can't have it because of my Diabetes, and no longer carry the ingredients although I may someday try adapting it to Keto, replete with almond flour and sugar free chocolate chips and icing.

It'd be harder to adapt your dish, maybe with cauliflower instead of potato?  Ahh what us Diabetics go through!

 

[AJ4]

Sometimes I ask my husband's spirit to come visit me in dreams and he does. I think that's amazing.

[DWS]

On 11/10/2022 at 7:29 AM, KayC said:

My mom used to make a Orange Nut Cake, it had chocolate chips in it and chocolate frosting on top, my kids loved it!  I have it in her handwriting on a card.

Having the recipe in her handwriting is such a treasure. Last year, I discovered that I have my mother's chocolate chip cookie recipe in her handwriting. In previous years, I had made the cookies using online recipes or the one on the Chipits package. They all tasted fine but I followed her recipe last year and they turned out tasting just like I remembered as a kid!

[DWS]

It's the one year mark for my partner's passing and I discovered something weird, weird, weird that happened. I was casually making the bed and realized that the extra blanket that I keep folded at the foot of the bed was over me while I slept. I like that blanket over my feet at night to keep them warm but I quite honestly don't remember unfolding it last night to use as an extra layer. I did put it over me about a week ago when it was extremely cold but it wasn't that way last night so I didn't need it. I'm rather bewildered right now. Maybe I did? I guess I must have but...???

[KayC]

You never know...esp. on your one year mark...

[Boggled]

yesterday I found this online:

https://www.anandgholap.net/To_Those_Who_Mourn-CWL.htm

I too have had just a few signs from my beloved husband that I have been missing for nearly 9 months now.  

I drive an early Volt with batteries that are getting older and now in cold weather are charging only about 30 miles at a time.  I drove to our nearby town, 26 miles, then did my chores there, then drove nearly all the way home, less about 10 miles, on electricity from the batteries that had said they had about 33 miles available.  Iirc, the night he died and I drove home, also there was a phenomenal number of miles.  

One morning, near waking up, but still asleep, I heard his voice as he used to wake me when he needed something, just saying my name, "Jenn."  It wasn't a dream, I'm convinced.  I don't remember dreams.  It was HIS VOICE.  And he sounded "okay."  In fact, he sounded perfectly fine.  It reminds me of C.S. Lewis's ponderings ... from C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed, nearly at the very end:

"I said, several notebooks ago, that even if I got what seemed like an assurance of H's presence, I wouldn't believe it. Easier said than done. Even now, though, I won't treat anything of that sort as evidence. It's the quality of last night's experience--not what it proves but what it was--that makes it worth putting down. It was quite incredibly unemotional. Just the impression of her mind momentarily facing my own. Mind, not 'soul' as we tend to think of soul. Certainly the reverse of what is called 'soulful'. Not at all like a rapturous re-union of lovers. Much more like getting a telephone call or a wire from her about some practical arrangement. Not that there was any 'message'--just intelligence and attention. No sense of joy or sorrow. No love even, in our ordinary sense. No un-love. I had never in any mood imagined the dead as being so--well, so business-like. Yet there was an extreme and cheerful intimacy. An intimacy that had not passed through the senses or the emotions at all. . . . "

He said a few more words on that experience, then the book ends.  

 

[widower2]

This is only indirectly related to losing my beloved, really more about her dog who I inherited from her, so fair warning (and I may have I mentioned this in a thread years ago but can't recall) - feel free to ignore: 

I put her/our/my dog down a few years ago. Far harder than I even expected, for the obvious reason of being hers, but more than that, we became even closer after her passing and he was like a lifeline that I clung to in those dark early days living alone and basically abandoned by friends. And really he was just a great dog and friend. Anyway... 

A little more background: most nights I was in my spare bedroom upstairs on the computer, since I watch little TV.  To keep him busy, I gave him a rawhide stick to chomp on, which he loved because it gave him something to eat but also something to keep busy while I was doing whatever on the PC. It was basically our standard evening routine. At his peak, he was eating 5 or 6 of those a night. 

Fast forward to about 6 months later after I put him down. I'm walking up the stairs to the spare bedroom and as I get to the top and turn to go in....there in front of the linen closet right before you go into the spare bedroom is a rawhide.

I must add the following: 

- After I put him down, I got rid of all his rawhides
- He never and I mean NEVER took them out of that bedroom, nor did I ever give him one anywhere else
- I hope this goes without saying but I didn't keep rawhides in the linen closet (or anywhere other than the pantry) 
- Again this was 6+ months later

And I started to wonder: how the hell did this rawhide get there? Am I trying to say he sent it to me from the great beyond? Of course not. But...I can't explain it away. And I've tried. Mind you it's not like it was up against a baseboard and I could have somehow missed it; it was out away from that by at least several inches, right in front of the linen closet door. And again, this was 6 MONTHS later. There is absolutely no way I could have not seen that sitting there in all that time. If nothing else, when I vacuumed, obviously I'd see it/hit it. 

 

 

[Jemiga70]

Many thanks @Boggled and @widower2 for sharing your experiences.  I needed to read something uplifting like this b/c today my anxiety was off the charts.  I also have pages in my journal of similar happenings.  Take care,

[widower2]

I'm sorry you had such a rough day and glad you got something out of my experience. Hang in there -

[KayC]

18 hours ago, Boggled said:

 A Grief Observed

An excellent book, BTW, from someone who has been there, he is an author who knows what he's speaking of.

Welcome here, and thank you for the link.  Here you are freshly here and offering help already! Amazing.  

I am sorry for your loss, that you have cause to be here.  

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[Boggled]

Re-reading this thread, yes these signs we have received are amazing!  

Thank you, Jemiga70 and KayC, for your thanks.  

We have an LED light over our dining room table that blinks sometimes.   Sometimes it blinks for about a minute, sometimes just a couple blinks.  I think my husband may be using the blinking as a form of communication.  (I could be wrong of course).  I tried meditating a few times and on the 18th of this month, I felt something "click" in my head ... and whammo, I was sitting at the dining room table at the time, and the light just started BLINKING.  

[Boggled]

I just walked outside and thought, man, if I were a spirit, how would I communicate?  

My husband was excellent at electricity and electronics.  So maybe that's why I seem to be getting "signs" from electricity??  

But me, if it was me trying to communicate ... I'm not electrically-oriented;  how would I communicate?  I just don't know what I could do.  

You'd have to be pretty darned creative.   Just a thought I thought, but maybe not all spirits have the same capacities?  My husband was able to read schematics at about age 8;  so he has definitely got this electricity-thing down.  Being able to move a blanket ?  maybe some spirits can and some can't?  putting a rawhide on the floor?  how would that work in spirit terms?  to be able to do that?  Sooo many questions.

[KayC]

I've heard it's hard for them to communicate, it must take much effort to get through. I haven't had an actual sign for a long time.  I did more in the early time (nearly 18 years).
Signs/messages

 

 

[movingon]

1 hour ago, LostThomas said:

I don't know about that spoon...

You know me enough by now to guess what I'm thinking....and it's a really good thought. 

[Deborah_M]

On 2/27/2023 at 12:08 PM, Boggled said:

 

One morning, near waking up, but still asleep, I heard his voice as he used to wake me when he needed something, just saying my name, "Jenn."  It wasn't a dream, I'm convinced.  I don't remember dreams.  It was HIS VOICE.  And he sounded "okay."  In fact, he sounded perfectly fine.  It reminds me of C.S. Lewis's ponderings ... from C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed, nearly at the very end:

 

 

So sorry for your loss, 4 1/2 months for me, but seems like years.  I too have heard my husband's voice.  Sometimes it is a soft whisper,  once he called my name so loud I fly out of bed and headed to the living room where he spent his final days.  I was half way there before I realized I heard him in my sleep.  That voice has grown more  still lately, I lay there at night wishing to hear him call my name but nothing comes.  I use to feel his presence in the evening hours every day, now it's just still and I feel alone.  I feel depressed wondering  if we will come together again...I know it won't be in this life and I long for the torment to end.  I don't know why some of us hear our lost love, I heard it said they are just on the other side, they can see us, hear us but they can no more touch us than we can them.  I pray each night that he is with God, that he is OK and not in pain.  Guess we won't know for sure until We get there.  It's such an awful feeling being left here alone.  Jenn, You are not alone, we are all here in this little corner of the world together.  Keep coming here and telling your story.  Sometimes it helps you to voice your thoughts, and sometimes it helps others to know they are not alone.  God Bless

[RichS]

About 3 or 4 weeks after Chris passed away one of our neighbors left a really nice bouquet of flowers on our front door. My son Ross knew the wife, a little. We had never met the husband. I told Ross we should really stop by their house and tell them how much we appreciate their thoughtfulness. So, off we went down the block.

We live on a cal-de-sac; which is pretty light on traffic most of the time. As we were walking towards their house, a white car passed by; so we edged toward the curb to stay safe. The car passed us by slowly and this young lady (looked around 30) is looking at us with a BIG SMILE on her face waving both of her hands at us, leaving her no hands on the steering wheel for the moment. I told Ross that the lady looked somewhat like Mom. He agreed. We got to my neighbors' house and thanked them for the flowers. As I was doing that, Ross noticed that the lady in the white car had turned around the cal-de-sac, drove up slowly to the corner to a stop, and was looking at both of us. I didn't look there at the time, but Ross made it a point that he noticed her doing that.

Maybe it was our imaginations getting carried away, maybe not. The spiritual side of me was hoping that Chris returned briefly to show us she was happy in heaven and cancer free. If that's true, then my mind is at ease for the rest of my life even though I'll continue to miss her each and every day.

 

[KayC]

13 hours ago, Deborah_M said:

 I pray each night that he is with God, that he is OK and not in pain.

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

[cowsaregreat]

It's been almost 5 months. About a month ago, I was at my laptop and the cat he loved ran across the keyboard and typed "I.ok". I absolutely lost it and couldn't stop crying. It was in all likelihood a coincidence but I'm taking as a sign. He also flickers the bathroom light. I've never been spiritual but it's been very strange lately. And in all honesty, it makes me feel like he is actually ok.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, behindthedunes said:

I'm taking as a sign.

I would too.  I don't believe in coincidences that big!  To me it would take more faith to believe that was a coincidence than to take it at face value...what would be the odds of typing just those letters and in that order!

[Boggled]

These posts make me cry.  Deborah M, I too feel that my husband's presence is around less often now.  Or maybe he has given me enough signs for me to be kicked into being "boggled!" which I AM, because this strong belief and perception that his spirit DEPARTED his body, as in ... left his body for some other place, rather than "went out like a candle," and I FELT IT ... and the very strong feeling of his presence in the early months, ... well where did this sentence start anyway? ... oh yeah, maybe he has given me enough signs to be kicked into being "boggled," that I've been going through self-help grief books like popcorn, try meditating, found when I meditated that my mind is not coming from the same place it used to come from when I meditated years ago and had to clear it, but rather deeper-in, in a place where my spirit had been seeking his spirit for months!  ... and I went into a mind-place where it seemed to me I just fell into a spirit of sorrow and crying that was holy and nigh to the presence of God.  

Remembering that Queen Victoria mourned Prince Albert for the rest of her life after he died (for 40 more years), I found a photo of them on eBay;  the back of Prince Albert's head is shaped like my husband's, the way his hair is combed forward, to me, looks like the whorl of hair at the back of his head was very like my husband's, oddly low down on the back of the head.  So now I'm interested in Prince Albert.  Do we go a bit ... well ... over-concentrating? ... um.  heh.  sigh. 

Yesterday it occurred to me that, as part of this grieving I'm doing is having to reinvent myself as a person, that I can just PRETEND that he just Decided to leave, and I'm still here and he left everything behind ... so I don't have to feel too sad, because he JUST decided to leave, he's still somewhere on earth ... and my life still carries on.   That kind of PRETEND seems to relieve the grief a LOT.   Why?  Maybe the sense of mystery of death and the holiness and continuation of the spirit is part of this grieving?   Because it makes us aware?  that our lives are not as we assumed them to be?  So far more than just adjusting to life without them, we have to integrate a whole new recognition of spirit into our selves?  that we are indeed spirits having a bodily experience?  and not just intellectually recognizing that, but far more concretely and emotionally and deep-into-the-self recognition and integration!

[Boggled]

number one book on Amazon under "marriage and divorce" is this Invisible String book.  

https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst/dp/031648623X/ref=asc_df_031648623X?tag=bingshoppinga-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=80058245013370&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=&hvtargid=pla-4583657830635740&psc=1

yes, I agree there is an invisible string connecting across the veil!  ... but more than a string, it's an INTERFACE.  

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/interface

 

[KayC]

I didn't have a dream of my husband for a year.  I couldn't figure out why because we were so close and interconnected in life, always together when not working! 

When at last I finally had a dream, I remember chewing on him "Where have you been!!!"  I woke up so mad at myself for wasting this precious time with that.  It was disheartening.  I rarely get a dream of him or maybe just don't remember it.  

But as for signs, it was 12 years after he died when I got an amazing sign!  I don't know if you've read it or not, @Boggledas it's posted above, but here it is...it was worth the wait.

 

 

 

[Boggled]

KayC, "I was laying on my bed when I suddenly felt George's hand on my shoulder/back area.  I'd know his touch anywhere.  Instantly I felt a calm peace wash over me and I knew everything was going to be okay. . . . "   (and then it WAS!)

Right.   And not coincidence, I'd agree with you on that too.   I felt my husband hold me one evening too, such a powerful feeling I actually leaned into "him" though there was only thin air I was leaning in to.  And it had the same feeling as when I was able to be held by his body.  That was another sign for me.  

But even knowing and believing they still exist and there is still the connection (attachment?)  I still cry.   A lot.  This grieving is really, really STRONG.

 

[Jemiga70]

On 3/1/2023 at 9:02 AM, behindthedunes said:

It was in all likelihood a coincidence but I'm taking as a sign.

I have to ask myself What are the odds of the cat jumping up on the keyboard and just by chance tapping out those exact characters - with kitty paws no less - to form a statement that is not only coherent but meaningful?  I'd wager at least 100 to 1, which seems conservative but would be statistically significant in research science from what I understand.  I've listened to mediums do readings, and when fraud is ruled out, theyre hitting in the thousands or more against chance.  If there is one thing I'm pretty much convinced of now (and I've been immersed in these things for the past nearly 2 yrs since my wife passed)  it's there is far more to life than this material world, than our 5 senses can pick up.   Yet there is still the human side and that includes the suffering of grief, which some days is almost unbearable.  I know everyone here understands that.  Wishing you some peace today,

[KayC]

10 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

What are the odds of the cat jumping up on the keyboard and just by chance tapping out those exact characters

This was my immediate thought!