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Trauma a recent loss of father


Chris 77

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I just lost my Dad on thursday, he had been very ill for a long time and though we had anticipated and prayed for his peace I am really struggling. I have strenuous relationships with my other siblings, one of which used this as a reason to stay away on the day of his passing, the other didn't make it on time due to marital obligations (so he said). Therefore as our mother had covid at the time, I was alone with him when he passed.

Please dont get me wrong I feel honoured to have been the one to hold him and thank him for all that he had done for us, to be the one to tell him that we would be ok and if he was tired of fighting he should just rest, I kissed him gently and whispered I love him and he was gone. The problem is now I keep getting flash backs of those moments. I feel lost and alone and totally cut off from the rest of my family. I am lucky to have a a loving fiance and beautiful children but don't want to burden them. Work has been so supportive but I'm not sure if I should go back to work yet.

I just don't know how to feel. I keep crying in stupid places like the nail shop and supermarket. Am I normal?

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Dear Chris,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending our deepest sympathies and condolences. Please know that everything you are feeling and thinking is natural and normal. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. It makes sense to have flashbacks and it is very common. I hope you can take a little more time away from work. And if you want to maybe consider grief counselling or a grief support group. We all need so much support during such a difficult and sad time.

Please know we are here with you. 

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I understand all too well what you're going through. I lost my Dad on July 16th after a 13 year battle with cancer. I'm 35 years old and feel like I was robbed of some of the best years of my life with him.  I was not prepared in the slightest. Toward the end he was not himself, talking out of his head & not making sense. He didn't even know what was happening which made it worse. There were no goodbyes to be said or conversations to be had because he wasn't coherent enough to have them. There's a lot left unsaid and I'm living with that. My sister hasn't been home (lives 500 miles away) in 10 years & didn't even come home for his funeral. We're not speaking now. I do have the support of my step mom and other siblings. If not for them, I'd go crazy. However, I live 90 miles from them so I feel like an outsider and alone in my grief most of the time.  I spent a lot of time with him in the hospital and so every time I close my eyes & try to sleep, all I see is his body, laying in the hospital bed, withering away to nothing because that's basically what happened. I replay everything from his funeral in my head on repeat, almost as if I'm watching a movie. This is a nightly occurrence for me and why I'm still awake at almost 1am, on this forum. I just started grief counseling and have been on anti depressants for the last month. I fully understand the world you're in right now because sadly, I'm there too. 

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On 7/25/2022 at 1:35 PM, Chris 77 said:

I keep crying in stupid places like the nail shop and supermarket. Am I normal?

Me too, I cry whenever something remind me of my passed love ones. At supermarkets, on airplanes, on the bus, at the park, in the church...etc

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