olderbrother Recent Death of Brother

[Haleigh]

A month ago, my brother took his own life. I don't know how to handle this pain and often struggle with the same thoughts now. He apparently took his own life and was found by his girlfriends daughter. She was not traumatized and not even upset about finding him dead, she hated him with a passion because she didn't want her mother to date anyone. (This girl is almost nineteen.) Her friend who was there is traumatized and was found shaking and crying outside the house when the cops and family pulled up. My brother was only 31 years old and fourteen days away from his 32nd birthday. I still can't believe it. I find myself thinking he is still at his house or working on fixing the house down the road. I still text his number. We have his phone at the house, it's all cracked and broken and it can't come on, but I still text him. It helps me to feel like he is reading it even though I know he won't respond. I just feel like, maybe if I had texted him as much as I do now, I could have helped him. I don't know how to cope with this pain. What makes it worse is that no one checks on me. I have four older sibling, my late brother is 13 years older, my other brother is 12years older, my two sisters are 11 and 10 years older. Everyone checks on them because they "grew up together" and were "closer to him." Everyone thinks I'm not as torn up because I'm the youngest and didn't get as much time with him. I had only 19 years. I don't even have recent pictures or videos of him on my phone. The last time I saw him was a month before he died. I don't know what to do. 

[reader]

Dear Haleigh,

I'm so sorry for your loss. (((hugs))) I think your siblings don't mean to be insensitive. I find when people are grieving they are living in their own bubble. My siblings were the same way. It might help to talk to a grief counsellor, or to join a grief support group in the community or through church. I want you to feel supported and listened to. 

Please know we are here with you. We care.