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I can't believe it has been almost 2 years


E.Redgrave

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How? How has it been almost 2 years, and I can remember every detail of that horrible day as if it just happened. I relive those last 4 months she had. My sister had cancer, a very very rare cancer, and she had a stroke one night; she lost all movement on her left side. She spent 4 long months in the hospital fighting infections after infections, learning how to walk again, and more. I can't tell you how many nights, I slept in a chair next to her bed, how many days I never got any sleep, how many road blocks, how many tears I shed those 4 months, but I can remember ever moment of those months. 

Now, 2 years have past, and there isn't a moment my mind doesn't float back to her, those horrible days, and everyday since. I have a bit of survival guilt; as the oldest daughter, I risked my life, made horrible mistakes that could have gotten me killed, and I still sit on this earth. I don't sleep well, I over eat, I smoke cigarettes as if they are going out of style. I feel like I am doing all this stuff because I am the survivor and she didn't and I deserve nothing but pain. I have tried therapy, I have tired talking to my friends, there is a lot of family drama due to her death. I don't have many people in my life, and I am here looking for support, and to help others going through the same thing, if I can.  

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Dear E. Redgrave,

I'm so sorry for all the pain and sorrow you are feeling. Please know you are doing the best you can. It's so hard to get through each day after such a devastating loss. 

Please know we are here to listen and support you as much as we can. x 

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