Guilt over kitten passing

[MeriCat84]

My husband and I have become involved in cat rescue over the past few years, having bought a house surrounded by cat colonies.  We now work specifically with a rescue started by a close friend.  We have 8 of our own cats now and have done various fosters and TNRs.  This winter my husband found a 10 week old kitten in bad shape.  We spent a couple months getting him back to health before adopting him out.  I did all reference checks and home visit myself, everything went well.  A week after adoption we got pics and all seemed well.  I was told we’d soon get more.  When we did not, I didn’t immediately follow up, as we were in process of adopting out another foster, and I was involved in several work projects.  I reached out recently for updates and was told the kitten died.  They had a vet appointment scheduled and he passed the night before.  I’m beside myself with grief and guilt.  My husband took such wonderful care of him and was so attached.  Based on the symptoms he may have had FIP, but I’ll never know for sure.  If I’d followed up sooner perhaps things would have been different.  My friend was able to treat a cat with FIP prior with an off market drug.  I’m so heartbroken and my husband is too.  I feel by falling behind in follow up i let the baby down.  And my hubby too.  I can’t stop thinking about it and obsessing.

[DLeonard]

Oh My dear woman,I) am truly sorry for what you are going thru...........       boy do I. I get it. I used to do rescue but my crippling RA in my hands prevents it.I  worked at a a cat shelter for 8 yrs. Just lost my inside feral and my shelter cat Sofie 2 wks ago and I still cry every damn day.I to this day feel like  I was at fault. To be honest I feel like "I could have done more" for all my cats.I work with 2vets and an animal communicator in Penn,Have been worked with her for 14 ys. Her name is Emerald DuCoeur and you can look her up.She works with photos. If you want to get info. ask the source. When I said i get how U feel ,I lost 8 cats in ur loss!!!!!!. .my husband never hat a cat, Now he's nuts over them.When I brought Seamus and Maggie home a he fell in love. he came home with a very large expensive cat tree.I heard heard him say {in baby talk) Oh Maggie .what a little PooPoo girl. I tried not to laugh,He had just crossed over to THE CAT WORLD.I'm not on here very often.You and your husband make the world a better place. If there is anything I can do  .please please let me know.

Debra

[MeriCat84]

Thank you so much Debra.  I am so sorry to hear of your losses as well!  I am sure you did everything you could for your babies.  Its so difficult bc after the fact it's hard not to go back and start running over everything in your mind and second guess everything.   Thank you for all you and your husband does as well.  Its definitely painful sometimes bc we open our hearts to so many and the loss hits like a train.  Its good to hear from others who have had this experience.  I know it will be a long time before the tears stop.

[KayC]

I have to hand it to you for what you do...I know it's hard but try not to let this stop your good work, you may try but cannot save them all...I say that but I know I'd feel the same.   It's natural to care.  I recently adopted a feral cat, I'm amazed at the progress we've made in just three months, he is terrified of people, and I feel honored he chose me and makes this his abode.  He may never fully domesticate but we have a niche for him, I wish only to make his life better.  

I am so sorry for your loss and for all you are going through right now. 

 

[MeriCat84]

Thank you so much Kay, and thank you for the beautiful video.   I am so happy to hear you adopted a feral kitty and are giving him a loving home.  That is a wonderful thing.  I am trying not to let it shake me completely.   I do a lot of our reference checks right now and of course this shook me, but my friend and I looked over everything again and we agreed there were no red flags.  Its just a sad thing that this little angel was taken so soon.  I have to keep everything up for the cats we still have to save.   Thank you again for your kindness.   

[foreverhis]

@MeriCat84  I'm so sorry you are going through such grief and pain.  To be honest, it sounds as if you and your husband, as well as the adopters, did everything possible to ensure the sweet kitten's health and happiness.  If I understand correctly, FIP can develop rapidly and can also be "hiding" for days, weeks, or even months after exposure.  It's possible that the adopters didn't even know until suddenly the kitten became ill.  As they had a vet appointment scheduled the morning after he died, they may very well have contacted the vet as soon as they noticed symptoms.

I understand that you will probably be second-guessing yourself and wishing for a different outcome.  It's only natural.  It seems clear that you did your due diligence in choosing them.  Your review didn't show any cause for concern, which I hope helps ease your mind.  It's possible the adopters were waiting until they saw the vet, when they'd hope to have answers, to let you know the sweet baby was ill.  It's also possible they were afraid to disappoint you or felt as if it must be their fault, even though it wouldn't have been.

Regardless, you have all lost a sweet, loving soul.  That's not something that should ever be disregarded or minimized.  It's a painful time, there's no way around that.  I hope you and your husband are comforting and caring for each other.  He sounds like a wonderful man, a man who would take weeks nursing a sick kitten to health. 

You've found a good place to be with people who understand.  I hope it helps you to be here.

[MeriCat84]

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I appreciate them so much.   Yes one of the things that made me love my husband so much is how kind and patient he always is with any of our pets or fosters.  I have been trying to learn more about FIP and to understand the symptoms.   I do believe the adopter is just as upset as we are.  The situation is just so sad and tragic for all parties.   This site has helped a lot.  I  trying to process and sometimes I am ok and then suddenly ill think of him again and ill just get weepy.  I think that's probably to be expected though. 

[KayC]

It is.  In the news the last day or two they've had 26 cats abandoned in a home eviction, they said it was deplorable and they'll be treating those cats for months, they have ringworm and it's heartbreaking someone could let anything get out of hand this badly!  I recently adopted a feral cat, he doesn't come in the house as of yet, it is very slow go, it's been three months since I've met him, a full month I've been feeding him, and he's mine now, he is terrified of people excepting me, and him and Kodie accept each other from a bit of controlled distance.  It has been getting better day by day.

What you are experiencing is very hard to go through, I know, I have lost 25 dogs and cats in my lifetime, but it doesn't seem to be getting any easier, quite the contrary.  

Sending you big hugs and hoping some comfort comes your way...

[MeriCat84]

Oh my gosh! 26 cats!  It's overwhelming to think of.   I used to work with a larger rescue that had situations like that they helped with and it still blows my mind.   You are doing a wonderful thing by taking a feral and you will make his life so much better.  No, somehow it really never does get any easier.   They just find a place in your heart and there is just a hole when they are gone.  

[KayC]

Yes, I realize that, but I proceed anyway, not knowing what the future holds, or having any idea how old he is.  He drops his food when he eats, not a good sign.  My last cat did that the last few years, but she lived to 25 1/2.  Vets wouldn't touch her because of her age (for dental procedure) which is all she'd needed.  I remember telling them at age 23 how they'd be surprised what she'd live through!