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Good advice from my other site...


KayC

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From Boho-Soul at griefhealing.com
 

My suggestions are based on what I’ve been trying and what I feel is working for me. I’ll link it to my situation and you can assess if it’s a fit for you and you circumstances.

First, Self-Care is super duper important. That means something different for everyone. I’m currently off work too (a medical leave given my situation) so I can focus on this. With you not working this may be a benefit. Here are some ideas for self care. Take what works, and let the rest go.

Journal to write out your thoughts, frustrations, feelings, take a walk and spend time in nature, take up yoga, Tai Chi or Qigong all can be found for free using YouTube videos 👍, read, exercise, cook, listen to music, dance like no one is looking, practice mindfulness or meditation, get a massage or other body work done, volunteer, etc. - google for more ideas.

Second, practice Gratitude. This one is huge, like super huge. One can always find something to give thanks for - sight, hearing, taste buds when eating your favourite food, etc. Your  favourite food, the fact that you have food ... and on it goes. Gratitude is the key to a happier life. What you focus on becomes your reality. Look at how athletes use positive guided imagery to focus on winning a gold. If you focus on all that’s wrong your life will reflect that. I’m speaking from experience on this one. Gratitude seriously changes one’s perspective on life. Write out 5 different things every day and focus on that. Look for the positives.

Third, Therapy - consider seeing a skilled therapist. This has been really helpful for me. It may be a challenge if one doesn’t have the $ for it, but if you do it’s so beneficial to the healing process. It may help with you feeling you’re toxic and have a stand-offish vibe. This connects to the next point ...

Inner Work - You mentioned feeling lonely and your friends have faded away. Yup, that’s me, lonely and friends just faded away. Gotta say feeling lonely suck, so I get you on this point. This is where self-care can help. Got a couple points I want to mention on this, so sorry if I start to sound scattered, lol.

Put all the focus on you, give yourself the love you would give someone else or Annette. You are important! And I get wanting to find someone to connect with. I’m writing this for me and you, ok. It’s important to be wise though, don’t seek someone out just because you’re lonely or want some sort of companionship. Be cautious. A romantic relationship is a want not a need. You need to be ready and make sure you’ve worked through your issues first (that toxic or stand-offish vibe you mentioned). Get yourself to the point where you’ve created an amazing life for yourself as a single person, then look to share that life with someone. And when that happens you’ll have a vibe that says you're okay with your life and that will attract certain people to that vibe. People will want to be around your vibrant, happy vibe - maybe even another special someone.

Last, Seek New Friendships. This can be done in many ways. Try Meetup groups, try a new activity or get involved in one you like, doing volunteer work gets you connected with others, and if applicable, attend a new church (I did this 2 months ago and made amazing new friends).

Gosh, hope this wasn’t too much. Felt like I was writing a term paper, haha. Although more enjoyable as I’m aiming to give you hope and encouragement to become a stronger person and feel like your life is worth living.

Ooh, found this quote I’ll share. Thought it was cool ...

“The truth about love is this: Love is constant; only the names change. Love isn’t restricted to just romantic relationships. Love is everywhere – in the hug of a child, in the concern of a friend, in the center of your family, and in the hearts of your pets. When you’re lost or lonely and you can’t seem to find love anywhere, you’re actually listening to love in human language, instead of listening to the language of love. Love is constant; it’s not an emotion.

Attributed to Boho-Soul on griefhealing.com
https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/topic/12743-annette/page/20/#comment-166729

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