Members Popular Post Jemiga70 Posted July 1, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 1, 2022 I've had a most miserable week. Monday was my beautiful wife's birthday. I thought I could sail through it and not feel too bad because it was the 2nd one since she passed. Man was I wrong. It was a miserable sequence of days where I just wanted to give up and wished the world would implode (full-on nihilism) 'cause the pain was relentless and all encompassing. I had hoped for the best and got the worst. I got to wondering if birthdays and anniv days will ever become less gutting? I can't imagine feeling like sh!t on these days for the rest of my life. It's brutal. And then last night she was in my dream! It was either a dream or a visitation, I'm not sure. It felt so real. I didnt ask her to visit, wasnt expecting her, wasn't even thinking of her. I was in fact thinking of how much I hate what this world has become now, but despite my negativity -- or maybe because of it -- there she was and she was 100% fine, looking better and stronger and younger (25-30ish) than ever. I took what she brung me and thanked her. Life makes no sense. 5 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Brazil Man Posted July 1, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 1, 2022 I didn´t use to care too much about her birthdays when she was alive and this causes deep regret now that she passed away. For me it´s her 5th birthday since she is gone.I consider her birthdays as very important day and would celebrate all her birthdays as she deserved if I could go back to past. 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 1, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 1, 2022 I just went through George's birthday and death day 5 days apart, I am personally glad she visited you and you got to see her, even while asleep, I'd take that! I think I sleep too deep to remember dreams (take sleeping pill just to get some sleep) so I miss that. (I hear you on the world, my sentiments also.) I'm sorry it was such a hard day for you... 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DWS Posted July 1, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 1, 2022 @Jemiga70We don't have any control of when they'll show up in a dream particularly one where they appear so real like the one you had. Maybe she appeared now after the turbulence you went through during her birthday has lessened. You're in a better frame of mind to accept the message she's given to you. I'm discovering that my partner appears when I have a calmer mind before bedtime. During those horrible first few weeks after his passing, he was showing up in my dreams but they always had him leaving me. They were awful! Now, the couple of times where he has shown up, he's there with me and the scene is more mellow. Our minds are fascinating! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Carol34 Posted July 1, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 1, 2022 Back in March/April, I went through my birthday, our anniversary, and Paul's birthday, all in a span of 4 weeks. It was the first time for each of these dates, and it was hard! When he was alive, we loved the fact that all three dates were so close, and called it our "Birth-a-versary". This year, it was a very hard 4 weeks. Added to this is the grim fact that 3 weeks after his birthday, he found out he had stage 4 colon cancer...and 6 months later he was gone. I love when he visits me in dreams. For the first few months, he would kiss me in the dream, and I would wake up and actually still feel it. I haven't gotten any of the kisses lately, but I still dream about him almost every night. I never used to remember my dreams, and even now the details are fuzzy. But I always know when he's in them. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 1, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 1, 2022 control your dreams? Here's how you can -- ScienceDailyDream, How To Control Your (While You're Sleeping) | HuffPostDreams controlNightmares and Bad Dreams in Grief 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jemiga70 Posted July 4, 2022 Author Members Report Share Posted July 4, 2022 Thank you all so much for your replies and responses. Hugs to all of you 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 14, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted December 14, 2022 21 hours ago, KvasBara said: Man, it is so sad... I hope you will live it down and be able to feel fine someday. Losing your second half is probably the worst thing to happen to a person. I am sorry you have reason to come here...I don't know how long it's been for you, but sending you comforting thoughts. Grief Process This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference! I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road. TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this. I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey. Take one day at a time. The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew. It can be challenging enough just to tackle today. I tell myself, I only have to get through today. Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again. To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety. Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves. The intensity lessens eventually. Visit your doctor. Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks. They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief. Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief. If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline. I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived. Back to taking a day at a time. Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808 Give yourself permission to smile. It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still. Try not to isolate too much. There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself. We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it! Some people set aside time every day to grieve. I didn't have to, it searched and found me! Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever. That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care. You'll need it more than ever. Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is. We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc. They have not only the knowledge, but the resources. In time, consider a grief support group. If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". Be patient, give yourself time. There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc. They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it. It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters. Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time. That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse. Finally, they were up to stay. Consider a pet. Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely. It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him. Besides, they're known to relieve stress. Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage. Make yourself get out now and then. You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now. That's normal. Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then. Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first. You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it. If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot. Keep coming here. We've been through it and we're all going through this together. Look for joy in every day. It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T. It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully. You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it. It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it. Eventually consider volunteering. It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win. (((hugs))) Praying for you today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJ4 Posted December 18, 2022 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2022 My husband's birthday is in January, and this time of year just walking past the card aisle at the store gets me sad. Last year was the first birthday I didn't get to be with him and make his favorite cake. I heard about all these people doing things like making their departed loved one's favorite food or cake to celebrate any way and I could not bring myself to do anything like that. I just sat around feeling sad. And I sent a note to his mom telling her I was thinking of her, as I knew she would be feeling awful too. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kevin O Posted December 18, 2022 Members Report Share Posted December 18, 2022 Bobs birthday was a few days ago. We always went out for our birthdays so that's what I did. Can't say I really wanted to go or that i enjoyed it but it wasn't about me. His birthday was important to him. His day. So while it made me sad sitting in the restaurant he is worth the effort. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 18, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted December 18, 2022 @Kevin O That is so sweet of you! I'm sure it meant a lot to him. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 4 Moderators Report Share Posted January 4 On 12/14/2022 at 7:31 AM, KayC said: I am sorry you have reason to come here...I don't know how long it's been for you, but sending you comforting thoughts. I'm sending thoughts of quite another kind. That was just another spamming POS who's been banned. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 4 Moderators Report Share Posted January 4 @widower2 What?! I didn't see any spam on Kevin O. If it was KvasBara, he just came here yesterday and the post is over a year old! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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