Unusual circumstances of loss

[Red666]

Hi

I am new to the forum.

This may be an unusual post ...I'm seeking support.

Due to devastating circumstances we have had our furbabies taken away from us by the sspca. 

We found out be default that our son sexually abused them.

We reported him to the police and the sspca took them away.

We were devastated. We were told we could keep our furrbabies if we safeguarded them. Protocol took over which ww completely understand. Very traumatic and in shock finding out what our son had done, trying to process it and then reporting him then bears taken away without notice.

We were lucky to have them.rehomed with family s we were not the threat.

We had to fight for that.

Our son is not to know. We are never allowed furrbabies while he is under our roof and he is never to know where they are.

We have always had furrbabies - they're like children to us.

We just lost our 14 year old about 2 months before this happened.

We had his sister who is 14 years old rehomed with my baby of 4 years and 6 years old and our new dog we only ahd for 2 weeks.

It's so so sad.

We have been declined camhs referral...also the IVY Project- interventions for vulnerable youths and we have been assessed as a family and no charged have been made and no children's hearing.

Only support is volunteer social work intervention one hour a week and hope he doesn't so anything else. 😔 

We are over the moon to beable to see our bears but it hurts like hell...

Can someone please offer some advice.

Thank you Suzi

(Sorry for such a heavy post)

[KayC]

OMG, I've never heard of a situation like this!  How old is your son?  If not a minor, I'd make HIM leave!  I am so sorry.  And I'm sorry no one has responded to you, I come on once/day early in the morning.  
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/animal-attachment/201703/losing-pet-due-divorce-or-breakup
https://squishyfacedcrew.com/blogs/squishyfacedcrew-news-and-blogs/hayleys-story-losing-a-pet-through-divorce-how-to-cope-with-grief-when-you-lose-custody-of-your-dog

[Red666]

Hi Kay

Thanks very much for replying.

I joined this forum s I didn't know where else to go.

Our son is 13.

We are trying hard to move forward from this but finding it very difficult.

We are trying to get him help but only volunteer social work. We go and see our bears once every 2-3 weeks as we have to travel and don't have alot of family support where we live so our son restricts us. 

At the moment my husband has gone to visit and I am working and have son.

Wish we didn't have to do this.

Thanks again for replying. I'll defiantly have a look at your link.

 

[foreverhis]

Oh gosh, this is tragic all around.  I'm afraid I've never heard of a story like this, so I hardly know what to say except that I'm so sorry you are going through it.

I'm appalled that your son is not receiving more intervention care/counseling/treatment.  This is not something you and your husband should be expected to handle alone.  One hour of volunteer social work is simply inadequate.

I am glad that you are at least able to visit your fur family away from home.  But that is certainly not a long term solution and it does not address your son's medical/psychiatric needs.

It's good that you found your way here.  I suspect the only reason you haven't received more replies just yet is that members simply don't know what to say, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

[KayC]

@Red666 What country are you in?  I'm surprised DHS didn't get involved!  He should definitely have treatment and I would think it'd involve the family too as you'll need help knowing HOW to help him!  Know that my heart goes out to you, I, too, have never seen this situation, although I know it happens, maybe people just don't talk about it?  You NEED that release though!  I'm glad you came here.  We'll hang in there with you, even if we aren't much help and don't have answers.    You might also write to Marty Townsley at griefhealing.com.  She has a blog where she answers questions, I've known her for 17 years, and she's an amazing grief counselor (retired now) and has her own website.  She's my mentor/counselor/friend, I admire her so much! )
https://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/
This is on her site: Please post your comment or send me an e-mail at tousleym@aol.com. 

 

[Red666]

Hi Kay

That means alot thank you.

We are in the UK.

I am a registered mental health nurse for 17 years and a person centred counsellor-also have worked as a bereavement counsellor in a Hospice after nursing in the IPU and day unit.

I have worked with young people too.

Thats the sad thing about it...I know he needs support but he isn't getting it. No one is listening to us.

We still haven't seen the reports which social work have made or any of the referrals even though I have asked ro see them.

We are grieving for our furrbabies and also the relationship which we had with our son.

He had been doing it for a full year without us knowing.

The lies and deceit is unreal.

Social work expect us to move on as if nothing has happened.

It's just left us in shock and trauma 😔 

 

 

[KayC]

I am in the US and know only how things work here...I always thought the UK more progressive than here, so I am truly surprised they aren't reaching out helpfully!  All I know is the squeaky wheel gets the grease.  Here I know there's a real possibility they might lock him up or take him away, so I'm glad that hasn't happened, but to leave you on your own, floundering without help is abominable to me!  I hope you bug them to death for some answers and GET some!  

Yes it is hard grieving over your animals, so horrible.  I'm sure they're going to be okay, somewhat confused as they don't understand anything that's happening.  The pain of losing them is hard enough but to not know what to do for your son, wow.  I do hope you'll reach out to Marty to see if she has any ideas, she's a wonderful wonderful woman, I couldn't sing her praises enough. Meanwhile, know that someone is praying for you and your son, as well as the dogs...

Does your son understand that what he did is wrong and how it can affect others, including dogs, to be violated?  Does he understand boundaries?  That all of our actions have a corresponding ramification?