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Missing My Brother


SadSister3

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As I spent a day on vacation at a water park, having fun and laughing, my brother kissed his wife goodbye and then shortly after she left as he got ready to leave for work, he died from a heart attack, right there between their living room and kitchen. His two dogs, who love him so much, were his only company. Would he have made it if one of us were nearby? Should we have kept better tabs on his health? And what do I say to my mother who cries whenever she is reminded of him in a familiar sight, or sound? I find myself worrying and clinging to my mom, other brother and sister in a way I didn't previously feel the need to do. We're none of us close geographically, and yet we're close in heart. We had enjoyed a family vacation together at some cabins less than 2 years before we lost him in July 2021, and while we were there, I took the opportunity to remind both of my brothers how very much I love them, and to apologize for all of my teenage hatefulness from years ago. Things that haunt me as I grow older. Thank God I saved a message from my brother on my 55th birthday a few years ago because I can still hear his precious voice. Being only 16 months apart, we did everything together as children. There was no better friend I could have asked for. The shenanigans and adventures we had. It makes me sick that one of my baby brothers is gone. It's not right. I'm the oldest. Why has he gone? Why has the other, even younger one, had a heart attack and made me fear for his safety? And having children of my own, how does my mom put one foot in front of the other? This all sucks beyond measure and I pray day and night for a visit from him. Even if just to briefly hold him tight again and tell him I love him. How can the entire world not be weeping upon the loss of one of the most precious, genuine, sweet, soulful creatures to ever grace this planet? It will be a year soon. His one year anniversary of being taken from us is the same day we'll celebrate our grandmother's 100th birthday. While I love her and celebrate her, one wonders at the fairness of it all. WHY? WHY? WHY? I'm so sorry for anybody else feeling this pain, too. It just stinks.

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Dear SadSister,

I am so sorry for your pain and sorrow. I often ask the same questions. It's all very hard to accept. 

Please know we are with you. x 

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