Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Done:


1050_harley

Recommended Posts

  • Members
1050_harley

I'm done with it all I'm done crying I'm done fighting with myself trying to keep afloat I'm done reasoning with my mind and and am about to give in and just leave this life behind I do not have the strength to fight this it hurts. I'm sorry I love y'all.

 

  • Sad 4
  • Hugs 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

It took a long time, the first 2 years at least, before I realized that I was able to carry my grief as part of my life and that I always would, but that it no longer crushed me under its weight.

It took me a good three years, I remember Gail saying the same.  Some say the second year felt harder to them because the shock wore off and people went back to their lives while we're left realizing our life without them. But I'm here to let you know, this is doable, even though it didn't feel possible in the early time.  I was close with a family that lost their Bobby to suicide, me too, I had known him since he was a child, we worked together, it was harder than you can imagine for those of us left behind.  I wish I could have him here to tell him, just hang in there one more day, it will be better than today...his medicine would have been changed had he hung on for one more day, we'll never get to know the difference that might have made to him.

It wasn't so much I wanted to die as I didn't want to do life without him.  I'm doing it.  17 years now.

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
19 hours ago, Kelly said:

Harley,

Big hugs! I am a survivor of a loved one who committed suicide last year. He was exhausted from the fight and wanted the suffering to stop. Looking around at the two services we had for him it really impacted me why did we not have all the people who loved him come together while he was alive? Is that something you would be open to in your own life? To visually see the support system that surrounds you? Or just go visit all the people who know you and ask for a hug?

He came back to me after he passed. I have a talent to see and talk to people who have recently died that I personally know. It was interesting because he said man this is a mistake. I see people suffering like our daughters (It was my ex-husband) and he said I cannot touch or hold them no longer. Nor will they let me come to them to them in their dreams. Yep. Yep. This is true. He ended up SUFFERING MORE on the other side than when he was here. However his choice was made.

There are options for healing including places you can go live in apartments for long term care to help get back on the road to recovery. I know this because I was my ex's friend and "person". You most likely will have to dig deep to heal but the journey to the other side brings many transformations and healings you never thought possible.

You have choices. Just consider the ones you can change your mind on and the ones you cannot once they are made.

Grieving.com is here to support you. Whatever country you are in remember to reach out to suicide hotlines as they have resources at their finger tips to get you some relief from the pain and suffering.

Kelly

 

I have watched some YouTube clips.  Many psychic mediums would not characterize suicides as "regrets".  Many people who committed  suicides because of unbearable and untreatable physical/mental sufferings, especially  for  those who choose "physician assisted suicide".  So, who are we to make general statements or any judgments on suicides?

  • Confused 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Euthanasia: 

the painless killing of a patient suffering from an incurable and painful disease or in an irreversible coma. The practice is illegal in most countries.
 

Not the same as suicide...
Suicide is death caused by injuring oneself with the intent to die. A suicide attempt is when someone harms themselves with any intent to end their life, but they do not die as a result of their actions.

Helping one to see the entire perspective is not the same as a "judgment."  I would never judge my Bobby (friend who commit suicide) for taking his life, do I wish he hadn't?  YES!
Judgment as definition 2) is implied here, when 1) is more apropos...

1) the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

2) a misfortune or calamity viewed as a divine punishment.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 6/16/2022 at 1:42 PM, 1050_harley said:

. . .  I do not have the strength to fight this it hurts. . . .

1050_harley, 

So glad you are still with us.  You didn't think you could survive another day, and yet here you are.   I felt that way so many times.  Each time genuinely feeling there is no way I can endure this anymore. My body and soul are irreparably broken.  Yet, I woke up again, still in this world. 

We are so sorry you are in such pain. We are glad you are still here in the struggle, as there is opportunity to find your way back to life. 

Gail

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Please continue on.  Please 🙏.  I have read ppl hurting so bad they just want to give up. I've been there. I just think of all those that have left me. Then I especially think of John.  How they but more importantly HE would want me to live. To survive.  But I do understand being tired of "surviving". I think that's all I do anymore.  Survive and exist. There doesn't really seem to be any living but my loss is still fresh. Feb 28 22. I want to scream and cry and hit something.  But I don't have the energy to really do much of anything.  If it wasn't for my girls ( Precious and Cali) I don't know if I could bare to go on. I'm tired of fighting for air. When I found him I lost the ability to breath. My heart skips beats . I long for him. We were each other's partner. We had been through thick and thin. The good the bad and the ugly. But please go on. You are worth so much to so many. 💗  Even if you do not have anyone in this world just know that you being part of this community. We care for you. You mean something to us. Hugs sent to you. I will keep you in my prayers. 

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

but I'd bet my entire year's salary that you're stronger than you know. Most people are. Please don't give up. It's worth the attempt. YOU'RE worth it.  

 

@widower2believe yhe same thing. We are stronger than we know. With love and support it does help. Just stick with us. @1050_harley We'll definitely give you as much support as we possibly can. I've been on here less than 4 mths and this community has helped me tremendously.  I feel as though this is the only place I can come to talk about him and ppl actually still listen. They dont wish they hadnt talked with me. They aren't ignoring me or brushing me off. They take the time to talk with me. Respond to my post to share their pain with me. To tell me their story. To let me know if there day was ok or a total  wreck. We are here with and for each other and I feel very blessed to have all of y'all. 

  • Like 2
  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 6/18/2022 at 5:09 PM, SSC said:

Honestly,  most people who die by suicide are not rational.  To take a life is not a rational thought so how or why would God harshly judge someone when they’re obviously not mentally sound?  He wouldn’t.  

I have been there several times. I've been there! So I totally understand you @1050_harley. You do need to think about you loved ones. The ones you've lost and those still alive. How would it effect them for you to go and not by an accident or someone elses hand but by your own. I don't know you but i so worry if you're ok. Sending big hugs and prayers. Please 🙏  be ok. 

  • Like 2
  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I hope he will post again. He came and read without posting several times.  I did that a lot the first few years I was here.  It can be  hard to post when you have no hope.

Gail

  • Like 4
  • Sad 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
16 hours ago, 1050_harley said:

I'm okay 😔

Hey, mate...then quit it! (And I'm really pretty sure that you know exactly what I mean by that.) (And, if not, feel free to 'PM' me.)             Lots of love and hugs to you, from your friend in Canada...Ronni

  • Like 3
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
15 hours ago, KMkm said:

[...] I feel like I got hit in the head and my brain is damaged.  [...]

KMkm,

From my perspective, you're touching on more of the 'cosmic' side of things. But even material science (current-day 'neuroscience') seems to be agreeing with you, that we (our physical brains) do actually suffer physical injury when we have to experience and endure traumatic loss on Earth. (See reader's post in sub-forum on this site: Grief issues / Grief Support / Books on Grief.

All of my best to you, and love and hugs.   Ronni

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 7/2/2022 at 7:45 AM, 1050_harley said:

I'm okay 😔

Very glad to hear from you!  

Gail

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
foreverhis
On 7/2/2022 at 4:45 AM, 1050_harley said:

I'm okay 😔

I'm so glad to hear from you.  We all do worry about each other.  Just a quick check in like that helps ease our minds.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I hope you keep posting to get some relief.  I find posting here and there helps to let out your anxiety and fear.  

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Yes, it helps to connect with others that understand...

It also helps to vent, get it out.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

It does NOT help anyone here, however, to be unconscious of one's own seeking, or to deliberately/consciously seek, negative attention.  Everyone here is in grief, or in traumatized grief, and is trying as best as each person can, to either walk through their own, or to support everyone else in the other's, personal and unique journey through grief.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 6/18/2022 at 7:18 AM, Sparky1 said:

I think suicidal thoughts are common with all of us that have suffered the loss of their partner. My faith keeps me going because like Kelly said, we don't know what the consequences are on the other side.

I think suicidal or at least, "I don't want to be here anymore.  You have to come get me now," thoughts are extremely common for those of us who had deep, permanent love.  For the first year, I said that to John at least 100 times.  I'd add in, "Okay, I can make it until everything legal is settled and I've made my new will and stuff, but then you have to come get me."  I have no idea why I thought he would be sent to "fetch" me, but then again, this grief isn't logical at all.

I will admit that I really don't think about what the consequences in the next life would be.  I'm not and have never been Catholic, but I believe that the pope made a statement that we humans cannot know what is in another person's heart and mind or what pain has driven them to that point, that even at the last minute a person can ask forgiveness, and that we have no business "speaking" for God on this particular issue because it is up to God and not us.

What I do think about is the stereotypical "What would this do to the people I've left behind?"  I wondered how on earth our daughter and granddaughter could survive emotionally; I asked myself how I would feel if one of my dearest friends committed suicide because I would never hate them, but I would be devastated that I couldn't help them and it would leave a hole in my life; and I didn't want John to be disappointed with me if I left our girls, family, and friends before my time.  That last one is actually the big one, I suppose.  I'm certain that he is proud of me for many things these past 4 years (and no doubt, unhappy with a few things as well because I'm a perfectly imperfect flawed human who will always make mistakes).

Nevertheless, I do not want to live as long as the women in my family (both sides) tend to do.  Most of my aunts and my maternal grandmother lived well into their 90s and the others were all at least early 80s.  I know I can be okay living long enough for our granddaughter to finish growing up and start her own adult life, so that's another 9-10 years.  Even so, I still usually live each day and plan only the near future because I can live with some happiness now as I move forward into a life without my love by my side as long as I don't stare too far down the road. 

There were days the first year especially when I was certain I could not live without John.  But I realized at some point that I had no choice and had to try.

It doesn't make life any easier, but I suppose in a way that acceptance of the reality helped me take a step forward.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 7/10/2022 at 2:07 AM, foreverhis said:

[...] I will admit that I really don't think about what the consequences in the next life would be. [...]

We definitely do need to use our discernment and listen to our own Intuitive or Inner Voice. If something sounds stupid, then just accept it as stupid; if it sounds wise, then use our own wisdom to assess/conclude if it as actually wise. It's all we have, on an individual level...as far as I can tell.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.