Members 1050_harley Posted June 16, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 16, 2022 I'm done with it all I'm done crying I'm done fighting with myself trying to keep afloat I'm done reasoning with my mind and and am about to give in and just leave this life behind I do not have the strength to fight this it hurts. I'm sorry I love y'all. 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post annie123 Posted June 16, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 16, 2022 1050_Harley , Please keep fighting! I know how much it hurts, I lost my wonderful hubby 20 months ago, I miss him everyday. Keep fighting!! 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post widower2 Posted June 16, 2022 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted June 16, 2022 I realize I don't know you really well, but I'd bet my entire year's salary that you're stronger than you know. Most people are. Please don't give up. It's worth the attempt. YOU'RE worth it. Put it this way, if nothing else, worst case...if you decide to do this and it turns out to be a huge mistake...you can't take it back. But if you keep trying, that option is still out there. You just have so much to lose by doing this. Believe it or not, it won't always be this painful. Hold on. I know it seems impossible now, but you CAN weather this storm. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Laura Vence Posted June 17, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 17, 2022 I know how you feel. Sometimes it seems too much to expect that we go on. I felt so alone. My son is dead and now my husband. No one truly cares about me. But I am trying to lower my expectations and just put one foot in front of the other. Life has no real interest. But I keep trying. Hang in there. What you feel is actually normal. 4 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted June 17, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 17, 2022 @1050_harley You will find no judgment from me. There were so many days when I didn't want to live anymore. I wasn't sure I could. I never made any plans or actively thought about suicide. I simply didn't want to be on this earth without my husband. These are thoughts and feelings so many of us have. You've recently passed your first year, if I'm remembering right. That was a really hard time for me; it is for most of us. I will not tell you that what you feel or even plan is wrong, but I do hope you will reconsider and give yourself more time. It took a long time, the first 2 years at least, before I realized that I was able to carry my grief as part of my life and that I always would, but that it no longer crushed me under its weight. I will miss my husband every minute of every day for the rest of my life. But now I am able to remember and envision all the wonderful, loving, silly, and even mundane day-to-day of our life together and mix that in with the pain of my grief. At the end of my fourth year, I have found some happiness. A different and "smaller" happiness to be sure, but I feel it more often. At first, I was convinced I never would. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Brazil Man Posted June 17, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 17, 2022 I understand you. The pain is so intense that the only way out for me was suicide. But I didn´t do it because I don`t know what might happen to me afterwards. So here I am after 4 years going on and enduring the pain. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted June 17, 2022 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted June 17, 2022 10 hours ago, widower2 said: if you decide to do this and it turns out to be a huge mistake...you can't take it back. I so agree, no take backs. I read some letters to George I'd written 2 1/2 months out. I was impressed with my faith and how strong I was! Then I read the next letter...I was suicidal. Go figure! Such is the grief journey, our emotions are hard to deal with in early grief, it does settle down if we give it time to adjust. I shared this with a lady at my bible study last night, she laughed and said she was glad I was real with her because it made her feel better, like something wasn't so wrong with her. Nope, this is us, going through the struggles we get in life. Try to look for anything good in your day, no matter how slight, anything counts. ANYTHING! If we practice that, it changes us and our outlook. One thing the dark storms of life has done for me is, I've survived them. That changes our perspective...when we then go through hard places we realize, "I made it through that, I can make it through this." That has greatly aided me in life. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Popular Post Kelly Posted June 17, 2022 Administrators Popular Post Report Share Posted June 17, 2022 On 6/16/2022 at 12:42 PM, 1050_harley said: I'm done with it all I'm done crying I'm done fighting with myself trying to keep afloat I'm done reasoning with my mind and and am about to give in and just leave this life behind I do not have the strength to fight this it hurts. I'm sorry I love y'all. Harley, Big hugs! I am a survivor of a loved one who committed suicide last year. He was exhausted from the fight and wanted the suffering to stop. Looking around at the two services we had for him it really impacted me why did we not have all the people who loved him come together while he was alive? Is that something you would be open to in your own life? To visually see the support system that surrounds you? Or just go visit all the people who know you and ask for a hug? He came back to me after he passed. I have a talent to see and talk to people who have recently died that I personally know. It was interesting because he said man this is a mistake. I see people suffering like our daughters (It was my ex-husband) and he said I cannot touch or hold them no longer. Nor will they let me come to them to them in their dreams. Yep. Yep. This is true. He ended up SUFFERING MORE on the other side than when he was here. However his choice was made. There are options for healing including places you can go live in apartments for long term care to help get back on the road to recovery. I know this because I was my ex's friend and "person". You most likely will have to dig deep to heal but the journey to the other side brings many transformations and healings you never thought possible. You have choices. Just consider the ones you can change your mind on and the ones you cannot once they are made. Grieving.com is here to support you. Whatever country you are in remember to reach out to suicide hotlines as they have resources at their finger tips to get you some relief from the pain and suffering. Kelly 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 17, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted June 17, 2022 17 hours ago, foreverhis said: It took a long time, the first 2 years at least, before I realized that I was able to carry my grief as part of my life and that I always would, but that it no longer crushed me under its weight. It took me a good three years, I remember Gail saying the same. Some say the second year felt harder to them because the shock wore off and people went back to their lives while we're left realizing our life without them. But I'm here to let you know, this is doable, even though it didn't feel possible in the early time. I was close with a family that lost their Bobby to suicide, me too, I had known him since he was a child, we worked together, it was harder than you can imagine for those of us left behind. I wish I could have him here to tell him, just hang in there one more day, it will be better than today...his medicine would have been changed had he hung on for one more day, we'll never get to know the difference that might have made to him. It wasn't so much I wanted to die as I didn't want to do life without him. I'm doing it. 17 years now. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post steveb Posted June 18, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 Harley, Please don’t give up on yourself. It will be 2 years for me on 31 July 20 when my beloved Chong took her own life. The wonderful folks here that shared their grief journeys, helped me understand my own. Their kindness and insights gave me strength to get through each day. Steve 3 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post foreverhis Posted June 18, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 7 hours ago, KayC said: Some say the second year felt harder to them Definitely. It was hard in different ways from my first year. Of course, COVID hit in the middle of my second year, so that was a real setback. But I have a really good support system of small circles of friends and family both locally and at a few hours distance. Unfortunately (for me and John, that is), our daughter and granddaughter are in Seattle, so it's been primarily Zoom and FaceTime for the past couple of years. I do not take those who love me for granted, not ever. And I know that I am so much luckier than many to have them. OTOH, John and I had already lost friends and some family had grown distant because of his near-fatal bicycling accident and then my developing long-term health problems a number of years later. It was then that we learned who we could rely on and who we could not. Our address book had lots of crossouts over those few years, which was disheartening and sad, but I know I can call the ones who remain at 2 am, say I need them, and they will be there. And vice versa. Yet my second year was also the time I started seeing and grasping bits of light and hope. I think that's why my third year was a turning point and my fourth year has been moving forward in a better way. 7 hours ago, KayC said: But I'm here to let you know, this is doable, even though it didn't feel possible in the early time. I second that, Kay. It often didn't seem like it at first and for quite some time, but here I am. I'm still journeying forward, slow step by slow step, into a life I can live without my love by my side. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kevin8988 Posted June 18, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 19 hours ago, Kelly said: Harley, Big hugs! I am a survivor of a loved one who committed suicide last year. He was exhausted from the fight and wanted the suffering to stop. Looking around at the two services we had for him it really impacted me why did we not have all the people who loved him come together while he was alive? Is that something you would be open to in your own life? To visually see the support system that surrounds you? Or just go visit all the people who know you and ask for a hug? He came back to me after he passed. I have a talent to see and talk to people who have recently died that I personally know. It was interesting because he said man this is a mistake. I see people suffering like our daughters (It was my ex-husband) and he said I cannot touch or hold them no longer. Nor will they let me come to them to them in their dreams. Yep. Yep. This is true. He ended up SUFFERING MORE on the other side than when he was here. However his choice was made. There are options for healing including places you can go live in apartments for long term care to help get back on the road to recovery. I know this because I was my ex's friend and "person". You most likely will have to dig deep to heal but the journey to the other side brings many transformations and healings you never thought possible. You have choices. Just consider the ones you can change your mind on and the ones you cannot once they are made. Grieving.com is here to support you. Whatever country you are in remember to reach out to suicide hotlines as they have resources at their finger tips to get you some relief from the pain and suffering. Kelly I have watched some YouTube clips. Many psychic mediums would not characterize suicides as "regrets". Many people who committed suicides because of unbearable and untreatable physical/mental sufferings, especially for those who choose "physician assisted suicide". So, who are we to make general statements or any judgments on suicides? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 18, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 Euthanasia: the painless killing of a patient suffering from an incurable and painful disease or in an irreversible coma. The practice is illegal in most countries. Not the same as suicide... Suicide is death caused by injuring oneself with the intent to die. A suicide attempt is when someone harms themselves with any intent to end their life, but they do not die as a result of their actions. Helping one to see the entire perspective is not the same as a "judgment." I would never judge my Bobby (friend who commit suicide) for taking his life, do I wish he hadn't? YES! Judgment as definition 2) is implied here, when 1) is more apropos... 1) the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. 2) a misfortune or calamity viewed as a divine punishment. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Sparky1 Posted June 18, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 I think suicidal thoughts are common with all of us that have suffered the loss of their partner. My faith keeps me going because like Kelly said, we don't know what the consequences are on the other side. I look at it like this: I exist because God gave me that spark at conception, for that I am eternally grateful. Whether life is good or bad, we have to persevere and live the life God gave us. It is a gift from Him, and I'm sure that if we soldier on to the end, He will reward us in the afterlife. Just my 2 cents. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post SSC Posted June 18, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 18, 2022 I continue to follow this thread in hopes Harley will return. As some of you know my husband died by suicide and I am always extra concerned for those who are struggling in such a profound way. If I could speak with Harley I would give him many many reasons for him to stay. He probably has no idea how many people would be affected by taking his own life. On the other hand, I understand how much pain he is in as I too have stood on the same precipice ready to end it all. The struggle is REAL and HORRIBLE! I pray Harley is okay and he has found help and relief on this earth. If he hasn’t and is on the other side, I believe God understands and would never judge. Honestly, most people who die by suicide are not rational. To take a life is not a rational thought so how or why would God harshly judge someone when they’re obviously not mentally sound? He wouldn’t. 2 1 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted June 19, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 On 6/16/2022 at 1:42 PM, 1050_harley said: . . . I do not have the strength to fight this it hurts. . . . 1050_harley, So glad you are still with us. You didn't think you could survive another day, and yet here you are. I felt that way so many times. Each time genuinely feeling there is no way I can endure this anymore. My body and soul are irreparably broken. Yet, I woke up again, still in this world. We are so sorry you are in such pain. We are glad you are still here in the struggle, as there is opportunity to find your way back to life. Gail 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 19, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted June 19, 2022 Everything you wrote @SSC agree! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goforth860 Posted June 20, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 Please continue on. Please 🙏. I have read ppl hurting so bad they just want to give up. I've been there. I just think of all those that have left me. Then I especially think of John. How they but more importantly HE would want me to live. To survive. But I do understand being tired of "surviving". I think that's all I do anymore. Survive and exist. There doesn't really seem to be any living but my loss is still fresh. Feb 28 22. I want to scream and cry and hit something. But I don't have the energy to really do much of anything. If it wasn't for my girls ( Precious and Cali) I don't know if I could bare to go on. I'm tired of fighting for air. When I found him I lost the ability to breath. My heart skips beats . I long for him. We were each other's partner. We had been through thick and thin. The good the bad and the ugly. But please go on. You are worth so much to so many. 💗 Even if you do not have anyone in this world just know that you being part of this community. We care for you. You mean something to us. Hugs sent to you. I will keep you in my prayers. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted June 20, 2022 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted June 20, 2022 @1050_harley Every day we check to see if you've been here, if you're reading at least, we're glad you're still here. Every day I pray for you to hang in there. To know we care. It may not mean much to you, but we do. We hurt for you, we've been there, we know how tough this early grief is...the first few years are hard, I pray you hold on and give yourself a chance to see even just a glimmer of light... 7 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goforth860 Posted June 21, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 but I'd bet my entire year's salary that you're stronger than you know. Most people are. Please don't give up. It's worth the attempt. YOU'RE worth it. @widower2believe yhe same thing. We are stronger than we know. With love and support it does help. Just stick with us. @1050_harley We'll definitely give you as much support as we possibly can. I've been on here less than 4 mths and this community has helped me tremendously. I feel as though this is the only place I can come to talk about him and ppl actually still listen. They dont wish they hadnt talked with me. They aren't ignoring me or brushing me off. They take the time to talk with me. Respond to my post to share their pain with me. To tell me their story. To let me know if there day was ok or a total wreck. We are here with and for each other and I feel very blessed to have all of y'all. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goforth860 Posted June 21, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 21, 2022 On 6/18/2022 at 5:09 PM, SSC said: Honestly, most people who die by suicide are not rational. To take a life is not a rational thought so how or why would God harshly judge someone when they’re obviously not mentally sound? He wouldn’t. I have been there several times. I've been there! So I totally understand you @1050_harley. You do need to think about you loved ones. The ones you've lost and those still alive. How would it effect them for you to go and not by an accident or someone elses hand but by your own. I don't know you but i so worry if you're ok. Sending big hugs and prayers. Please 🙏 be ok. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Ronni_W Posted June 22, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 22, 2022 On 6/16/2022 at 1:42 PM, 1050_harley said: I'm done with it all I'm done crying I'm done fighting with myself trying to keep afloat I'm done reasoning with my mind and and am about to give in and just leave this life behind I do not have the strength to fight this it hurts. I'm sorry I love y'all. 1050_harley, do you know that song from 1983 Naked Eyes, 'Always Something There to Remind Me'? -- that happened to me today, when I was walking to the beer store. But it also happens to me all the time, in this apartment in which I still live...but without him. And then yesterday, some TV commercial or whatever, and the 1997 song from LeAnn Rimes, 'How do I live (without you)?' He used to sing that one when we had karaoke nights, but I always had to sing that part that goes real high. When it happens like this, I also don't know from where I'm going to get any more strength or 'personal/inner power' to go on. It really just sucks so much, so very much, when it gets to those points. But. We fight another minute, another hour, another day. For them, when we can't do it just for our own self. Right? At least, that's how I'm looking at my own struggle and fight, right now these days. Please keep posting. And know that you're not alone in this world. I know that it feels like that. I know that it hurts. Love and hugs, your friend in Canada...Ronni 2 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Ronni_W Posted June 22, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted June 22, 2022 On 6/18/2022 at 5:09 PM, SSC said: [...] On the other hand, I understand how much pain he is in as I too have stood on the same precipice ready to end it all. The struggle is REAL and HORRIBLE! [...] so how or why would God harshly judge someone when they’re obviously not mentally sound? He wouldn’t. SSC, a most compassionate, loving, empathetic and thoughtful post. ❤️. I recently read in some book or 'grief manual', "Your death is something that happens to everyone else", which I really had to think about for quite a few days before I went, "Yeah! ... I guess that is true!" At the same time, it also depends on our personal sense of who would and who would not be too affected or too traumatized if we were no longer on the planet. Sure, they would 'miss' us...but not in some 'epic' or 'cosmic' way. (I mean, not that such a sense is necessarily true and accurate, but only that it can or does play a part in the decision. If this makes sense?) I like how you put it: The struggle is REAL and HORRIBLE! Love and hugs to you, and to all. Ronni 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ronni_W Posted June 30, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2022 1050_harley, Mate, can you read me? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted June 30, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted June 30, 2022 He hasn't been here and even looked for a week... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted June 30, 2022 Members Report Share Posted June 30, 2022 I hope he will post again. He came and read without posting several times. I did that a lot the first few years I was here. It can be hard to post when you have no hope. Gail 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post 1050_harley Posted July 2, 2022 Author Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 2, 2022 I'm okay 😔 6 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted July 2, 2022 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted July 2, 2022 @1050_harley You have no idea how you made my heart flutter just to see you'd posted, that you are ALIVE! We worry about each other here. Thank you for letting us know! I know it's not OKAY okay, but you're still with us and that's what's important...without life, nothing can improve or get better! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post KMkm Posted July 2, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 2, 2022 I don't believe in a higher power but I do believe in the afterlife. I think about ending it every waking moment. The pain and pressure in my head as well as the horrible feeling in my chest and stomach are extremely hard to endure. But I still want to be here to live through whatever is ahead of me. My wife is watching me and I'm not taking the chance that I won't be able to see her again. My friend told me that you never know and maybe if you do end it then you are forced to watch the people take on the pain of losing you or maybe you have to go back and relive the same type of pain to experience it. Grief is like a major injury. It takes time to heal and you have to live with the lasting effects. Your body and mind are trying to heal from trauma and in my case, I want to fight through it. I can't feel anything other than sadness and despair. I feel like I got hit in the head and my brain is damaged. Just keep going one hour or day at a time. Healing takes time. Stay strong my friend. Also ask for help cause we can't do this alone. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 2, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 2, 2022 7 minutes ago, KMkm said: I feel like I got hit in the head and my brain is damaged. I've always likened this to brain trauma, it feels much like that and it sure takes time to get through this! Brain Injury comparativelyGrief, PTSD, and Your Brain | HealthyPlace 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Laura Vence Posted July 2, 2022 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted July 2, 2022 Harley, we are all glad you are back. I know your pain--I feel it most days. And we just have to get through these terrible days until the pain wears down into tiny fragments. We have to believe that at some point, new life and new people and experiences await us. I say this sharing that gut level loneliness and pain you must feel. We love you, Harley! 3 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ronni_W Posted July 3, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2022 16 hours ago, 1050_harley said: I'm okay 😔 Hey, mate...then quit it! (And I'm really pretty sure that you know exactly what I mean by that.) (And, if not, feel free to 'PM' me.) Lots of love and hugs to you, from your friend in Canada...Ronni 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ronni_W Posted July 3, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2022 15 hours ago, KMkm said: [...] I feel like I got hit in the head and my brain is damaged. [...] KMkm, From my perspective, you're touching on more of the 'cosmic' side of things. But even material science (current-day 'neuroscience') seems to be agreeing with you, that we (our physical brains) do actually suffer physical injury when we have to experience and endure traumatic loss on Earth. (See reader's post in sub-forum on this site: Grief issues / Grief Support / Books on Grief. All of my best to you, and love and hugs. Ronni 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gail 8588 Posted July 3, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2022 On 7/2/2022 at 7:45 AM, 1050_harley said: I'm okay 😔 Very glad to hear from you! Gail 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted July 3, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2022 On 7/2/2022 at 4:45 AM, 1050_harley said: I'm okay 😔 I'm so glad to hear from you. We all do worry about each other. Just a quick check in like that helps ease our minds. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members annie123 Posted July 3, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 3, 2022 So glad you are okay 1050_harley. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KMkm Posted July 8, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2022 I hope you keep posting to get some relief. I find posting here and there helps to let out your anxiety and fear. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted July 8, 2022 Moderators Report Share Posted July 8, 2022 Yes, it helps to connect with others that understand... It also helps to vent, get it out. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ronni_W Posted July 10, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2022 It does NOT help anyone here, however, to be unconscious of one's own seeking, or to deliberately/consciously seek, negative attention. Everyone here is in grief, or in traumatized grief, and is trying as best as each person can, to either walk through their own, or to support everyone else in the other's, personal and unique journey through grief. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members foreverhis Posted July 10, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2022 On 6/18/2022 at 7:18 AM, Sparky1 said: I think suicidal thoughts are common with all of us that have suffered the loss of their partner. My faith keeps me going because like Kelly said, we don't know what the consequences are on the other side. I think suicidal or at least, "I don't want to be here anymore. You have to come get me now," thoughts are extremely common for those of us who had deep, permanent love. For the first year, I said that to John at least 100 times. I'd add in, "Okay, I can make it until everything legal is settled and I've made my new will and stuff, but then you have to come get me." I have no idea why I thought he would be sent to "fetch" me, but then again, this grief isn't logical at all. I will admit that I really don't think about what the consequences in the next life would be. I'm not and have never been Catholic, but I believe that the pope made a statement that we humans cannot know what is in another person's heart and mind or what pain has driven them to that point, that even at the last minute a person can ask forgiveness, and that we have no business "speaking" for God on this particular issue because it is up to God and not us. What I do think about is the stereotypical "What would this do to the people I've left behind?" I wondered how on earth our daughter and granddaughter could survive emotionally; I asked myself how I would feel if one of my dearest friends committed suicide because I would never hate them, but I would be devastated that I couldn't help them and it would leave a hole in my life; and I didn't want John to be disappointed with me if I left our girls, family, and friends before my time. That last one is actually the big one, I suppose. I'm certain that he is proud of me for many things these past 4 years (and no doubt, unhappy with a few things as well because I'm a perfectly imperfect flawed human who will always make mistakes). Nevertheless, I do not want to live as long as the women in my family (both sides) tend to do. Most of my aunts and my maternal grandmother lived well into their 90s and the others were all at least early 80s. I know I can be okay living long enough for our granddaughter to finish growing up and start her own adult life, so that's another 9-10 years. Even so, I still usually live each day and plan only the near future because I can live with some happiness now as I move forward into a life without my love by my side as long as I don't stare too far down the road. There were days the first year especially when I was certain I could not live without John. But I realized at some point that I had no choice and had to try. It doesn't make life any easier, but I suppose in a way that acceptance of the reality helped me take a step forward. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ronni_W Posted July 10, 2022 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2022 On 7/10/2022 at 2:07 AM, foreverhis said: [...] I will admit that I really don't think about what the consequences in the next life would be. [...] We definitely do need to use our discernment and listen to our own Intuitive or Inner Voice. If something sounds stupid, then just accept it as stupid; if it sounds wise, then use our own wisdom to assess/conclude if it as actually wise. It's all we have, on an individual level...as far as I can tell. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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