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My wife's death


1050_harley

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Please hang in there...not for today, but for further down the road, because it really DOES get better with time...not that it's ever "okay," because we'd all agree we wouldn't give permission for this but because we do adjust and learn how to cope with our lives in time.  A friend/counselor/grief site owner always says, it' not time alone that helps, it's what we do with it.  I've found that to be true as well.  Getting counseling, reading books/articles, reading/posting here, journaling, attending grief groups, the effort we put into going beyond our comfort zone and learning and finding purpose in life, it all helps.

Covid has not helped.  Not here anyway.  My neighbors are like their own community, that helps.  Reaching out, that helps, sometimes it's hard when we aren't feeling it.  What doesn't help is drinking...if it did we'd probably all be drunk right now! ;)

My heart really does go out to you, I remember that early grief all too well, no matter how many years pass, the fact that all our friends disappeared overnight and family didn't have a clue and society is ill versed in how to handle grief, did not help.  A website such as this one did.

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1050_Harvey,

I know so well that horrible feeling of not being able to do this anymore.  It hurt too much. I was sleep deprived/exhausted. There was no point to living without him.  The sure knowledge that it could never get better because he would never be coming back and that was the only thing that mattered.

But honestly, it doesn't stay this painful forever.  You just have to get through today, this minute.  

If you are not sleeping, I do recommend you get some assistance with that, not drinking though.  Establish a time you are going to go to sleep.  Pick a place where you can sleep,  I couldn't sleep in our bed, so I moved to a twin bed in a guest room, others sleep in recliner chairs or on the couch, wherever you can sleep is fine.  At your bed time go through a normal routine, lock up, turn off lights and TV, brush teeth etc.  Try taking something like Advil PM, play some quiet music or some white noise.  Keep this routine for a week and see if you can't train yourself to sleep again.  If that doesn't work, talk to a doctor about a sleep aid.  Getting 5 hours of sleep, or more, will really help.   

Don't give up on yourself.  I am so sorry this is so hard. I hate that we are all struggling so.

Gail

 

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Hi friend.  I know this is tough for you.  For me, sometimes, it helps hearing someone talking directly to me about this kind of thing.  It may look trivial but these videos on Youtube help me when I'm on the ledge.    If this isn't allowed to post apologize in advance.   

 

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Hi my friend. I know how you feel because I also lost my wife. Most of people close to us don´t know what it means the death of a spouse.
Now afer 4 years of her death I still suffer a lot but comprehend that this is my life now and she won t go back anymore. I also had suicidal thoughts and still have sometimes. Wish you good luck.

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