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I miss him more than words can say...


Evi1982

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It has already been 10 days... The initial shock is starting to fade. The horrid images are no longer constantly there. They come and go now. The image of him lying on the road. His little body lifeless , as if he was sleeping. The denial and shock of that moment. The excruciating pain. It has faded a bit . I guess it's a survival mechanism. How can a human mind be in this state for so long? So now, it's numbness. Sometimes it is as if it has happened to someone else. Or it is as if it was a dream... Both the accident and my one year with him... Now , I miss him more than words can say. It is not his lifeless body that is in my mind, but it is him alive. Playing, attacking me out of nowhere, his sweet little face, all the little things he did that really gave my life meaning. Pure happiness... All these will no longer be. Never again. And that hurts more than words can say. It was too strong of a bond , too much love and so little time. 

"Get over it. It was just a cat" they say in a condescending tone. As if they know the truth and I don't. They have figured things out, they are grown ups and I am an immature being , grieving for the death of "just a cat". I laugh inside as I listen to their "advice". I feel sorry for them. For not being blessed with this bond. For being unable to love and be loved by another being. I may be the one crying now but it is them I feel sorry for...

 

 

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No, it's not "just a cat,"  it was YOUR being, YOUR connection, YOUR loved one!  I am sorry you are being besieged with unwanted, unhelpful advice, the last thing we need.  Some try to take it in light of the caring it's given with, I'm a little different, I set people straight.  You have the capacity to "see" straighter than they do, to look at more, it means you love harder and connect deeply.  

This is the hardest thing I've been through, and it's been my life...so many deep losses, it doesn't seem to get any easier except at least now I know the tools from having been through so much.  I know I'll make it through this, although sometimes I wonder why.  Grief has a beginning, but not an ending until we too pass over.  But it does evolve, thankfully.  Like you said there is the shock protecting us for a time.  My heart goes out to you.:wub:

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Totally know how it is.
Horror/shock... turned to deep grief for me for a while. I had moments of "normalcy" then the crushing memory and image of our last hour (which was my cat suffering at an emergency vet.)  

It's a process and we have to be patient. Other people won't be. They feel helpless and uncomfortable. How sad they couldn't have a bond like you did. 

Glad you are doing a bit better, hang in there. It's a roller coaster. 

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