I lost my 15 year old dog

[Amy wilson]

Yesterday, my 15 year old dog ginger was put down. I had her since I was 7. I know logically it was her time and she was at peace when she went, but I’m in absolute misery without her. Having her for the entirety of my life, I feel I can’t go on without her. That life has no meaning without her since she made my life. I have another dog that I’m being unfair against that I can’t even touch or look at. She’s just not my ginger. I have thought about suicidal thoughts many times in the last few hours and am genuinely worried I’ll never recover from this. I can’t go anywhere in my house without being reminded of her. I miss her so much. 

[Eternalsoul]

@Amy wilson

Hi! Please do not give in to those thoughts. 

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

It is so incredibly difficult to go through this but please do not let Ginger down. She made it a very long time. That's a long time for a dog to live. You gave her love and she still feels your love. 

Please do not do anything to hurt yourself because you'll be hurting Ginger in the process.

Please trust me. Ginger is at the rainbow bridge or Heaven like I like to call it.

 

Is this the first time you've lost a pet? It's very hard. I know but please be strong. 

We are all here for you and trust me some wonderful members will give you a way better response than I have. We understand the pain. 

 

You can come here to talk and to let all your feelings out. You won't be judged and best of all when nobody else understands someone here will.

You are very young and I'm not sure if you've ever dealt with a pet crossing over but please understand that this is a natural feeling. Overwhelming sadness is natural but please do not act on those thoughts.

 

Ginger is watching over you and I'm telling you it would break her heart to see you hurt yourself. The best thing but the hardest thing you can do is be strong for her. This is not the end. Please be strong. 

[Eternalsoul]

When I was 10 or 11 my first dog ever died from a horrible and slow death. I wish I could have had him as long as you had Ginger. I would have loved to have him for several years. I wish things could have been so different. 

I think of him everyday and I know he has watched over me all of these years. They become your guardian angel(s)so. It would devastate her to see you do anything bad. 

Please listen when  I tell you that she's not "dead" she is on her next life. She's now your guardian angel. Be strong ok. 

[KayC]

I got my first dog, Huck, when I was five.  I left home at 17 and my parents wouldn't let me take him with me.  When I was 20 my mom called and said they put him to sleep.  Typical mom, didn't consider I might want to say goodbye.  I would have been glad to take him in!  He didn't have a fatal diagnosis or anything like that, just was old.    

Early grief that you are experiencing is really rough.  I have had so much loss and grief.  I wrote an article ten years out from losing my husband, I will share it with you.  Even though it was written with loss of spouse in mind, loss is loss, and ANY close loss we suffer can be hard, particularly one as loving and loyal as a dog you interact with continually.  I encourage you to spend time with your other dog, even if you're not feeling it...she may be grieving too. Grieving Pet  My dog Lucky definitely grieved when my husband died.  I was so lost in grief fog it took my daughter to point it out to me.  Two months later our cat Tigger left.  He was grieving too.  I never saw him again.

I hope you will give yourself time to allow grief the chance to evolve, because it's not stagnant, it changes form...it takes us time and effort to make our way through it.  It helps to read/post here. @Eternalsoul posted some good responses to you, I hope you'll read in her other thread/s as there's much comfort in them...I want to tell you that while you FEEL like suicide, it would only shift your pain to others.  Please consider that carefully and try to get help.  You may need to contact a mental health expert, a grief counselor, but please reach out.  I know you don't want to worry family but they would be beyond consolation if you took on this act instead of reaching out for help.  There are suicide hotlines if you're worried about talking to someone you know.

I am so sorry for your loss of Ginger, I know it's immense.  I lost my soulmate in a dog, Arlie, nearly three years ago...he was diagnosed with cancer June 6, 2019...that day changed my life.  I lost my best friend and companion.  Now  I have another dog, Kodie, he's vastly different from Arlie...he was conceived when Arlie died, and born on my birthday!  My son brought him to me.  Arlie was a gentle giant.  Kodie is small and adorable.  I miss my big boy, I always will, but it's like God gave me this little one because he knew no one could fill the paws of my Arlie, so I got one very uniquely different from him.  Arlie was goofy and fun, an amazing communicator (he did Husky talk and had a highly evolved tonal language, we understood each other) very considerate.  Kodie is my steady companion, never out of my sight, always by my side.  I view them both as gifts.  

I still keep Arlie's water bowl filled and have a blanket in his doghouse...it's not that I expect him to show up, but my way of honoring him and letting him know he's always welcome here, and this is still his home, even if he has a new dwelling place.  I painted rocks for his grave, one of them has him riding in his truck, taking up the whole bed, tongue hanging out, tail curled up, perky, smiling his every present smile.  You will find your own ways to honor your Ginger, there's no right way/wrong way to do this, only our way.  Listen to your heart, what bring you comfort...
 

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.