So much loss

[KityD]

In a four and a half month span I have lost my father, my uncle, a close friend, a cousin, and just yesterday we buried my sister. I am so lost. It feels as though there's a huge weight inside me and it makes me struggle to get out of bed, to go to work, to interact with other people. I haven't been able to process any of these deaths, they've come in such rapid fire succession. I just want/need a break but everyone in the family turns to me for support and guidance. I've been "pretending" to be strong for so long now I don't know what to do next. Take a day off and do nothing, take a week off, none of these or something else entirely? The weird part is that I'm getting sick of myself, if that makes sense. It's like I don't know who I am any more, I'm sick of my sadness, sick of the tears, sick of putting on a brave face so those around me don't know just how bad I feel. I have no idea how to move forward and get "me" back. The me that was grateful for the multitude of blessings I have, the me that was genuinely happy, the me that really is strong.

[Kj92]

I'm in the same boat. In the last 9months I've taken 7 loses. Some closer to me than others but still loved ones nonetheless. 

I constantly have this deep sense of feeling overwhelmed and I'm easily startled. Sometimes I  can get myself so worked up to the point that I'm  crying and sobbing uncontrollably. Its starting to affect me throughout my day now. At times I'll have a memory to pass, and no matter where I am my eyes fill up with tears.  People that I've known for years tell me I'm not the same and that they miss the old me, truth be told, so do I. 

Before all of this happened I was able to feel and enjoy. Now I try not to feel a thing. 

 

It's a rough place to be, but you are not alone and may some sense of peace touch us all.