Loss of husband

[SGJaelyn]

I lost my husband in January of this year and was tough.He was good to me,married for 10 years and lots of good memories with him.One was he loved and accepted me for who I am seeing me as a person.I am a post op MTF transsexual and alway saw me as a woman.He died in his sleep from a heart attack on January 5th at age 62.Had heart problems for the last two years.It was tough,I am doing better one step at a time.Did see a grief counselor and have support.Support has been from my family,his family,friends and other family members.He was cremated and I spread his ashes over the lake he loved to fish at.He had two good adult sons from a previous marriage that saw me as a great step mom

[Jen H]

So sorry for your loss.  He sounds like a very supportive and loving person.  That has to be so hard to loss someone like that.  I lost my boyfriend of 22 years 8 months ago.  He was everything to me and all I needed.  I struggle everyday adjusting to this new life.  My heart still aches constantly.  Still we all push on through each day somehow.  I'm happy to hear you have a good amount of support.  Something I wish I had.  Still no one truly understands how we feel exactly.  Coming here has helped me a lot to know I'm not alone or losing my mind in feeling how I am.  We all are here for you whenever you need advice, support, or just need to vent.  Best wishes and hugs.

[SGJaelyn]

I remember when we started dating,It was easy to tell him I am a post op transsexual and told me he loved me no matter what.Learned about me well and was glad I live a much happier life now.I struggled after he died and got the help myself

[Roxeanne]

I'm sorry for your loss...it's so priceless find on this earth someone who simply accept yourself for who you are! It's a gift

I miss one of this men...i can't forget my sight of relief when he simply understood.

It's very hard live without them!

Take care of yourself

[foreverhis]

5 hours ago, SGJaelyn said:

One was he loved and accepted me for who I am seeing me as a person.I am a post op MTF transsexual and alway saw me as a woman.

Welcome.  I'm so sorry you find yourself here with us.  I normally wouldn't mention it, but as you have, let me say that IMO, the reason he always saw you as a woman was because you are a woman.  He clearly loved you completely and unreservedly.  How wonderful that you found each other. I'm so glad you are able to be your true self.  I imagine he helped you with that.

Truth be told, it's rare enough to find our soulmates in this great big world, but to find that one person who sees us for who we are and accepts everything about us is a gift beyond measure.  Losing my husband was and continues to be the hardest thing I've ever faced.  In this, we here are all the same:  We have lost our soulmates.  Not everyone understands because not everyone is lucky enough to find that kind of love.

5 hours ago, SGJaelyn said:

He had two good adult sons from a previous marriage that saw me as a great step mom

That's wonderful.  Are they still part of your life?  I hope so and that you and they are helping each other through these first devastating months.

5 hours ago, SGJaelyn said:

I am doing better one step at a time.

In my experience, this is the only way to get through each day.  I still mostly take each day at a time, though I now see the near future and even make plans for things a little way down the road.  At first, just getting through the day seemed an impossible task.  I didn't know how I could survive without my husband.  Now I know that I can and will by taking baby steps, even if it sometimes has been "two steps forward, one step back."  My grief journey continues to have twists and turns with better days and horrible days and many, many days in between.  In my fourth year, I have learned to carry my grief with me as part of the whole of our life together and my life now.  At first, the weight of it crushed me.  It will never be easy, but it is easier than it was and I'm okay with that.  I can smile and even laugh remembering all that was joyous, loving, funny, and even the boring "day to day" stuff as it mixes in with the painful, devastating memories and images of his last weeks and last day. 

When you're ready and if you are comfortable, maybe you can tell us more about your husband and your life together.  I've found that it helps to do that here among members who truly understand and who "get it" in ways that even those closest to me cannot not.  You have found a wonderful place to be.  Finding this site and the members here was a turning point for me when I felt lost and hopeless and alone, even though I had and still have small circles of supportive and loving family and friends.  I learned that we are all on our own unique paths, but we are walking the same painful road together.  You are not alone; you are never alone when you are here.

[SGJaelyn]

His sons are part of my life still

[KayC]

9 hours ago, SGJaelyn said:

I lost my husband in January of this year and was tough.He was good to me,married for 10 years and lots of good memories with him.One was he loved and accepted me for who I am seeing me as a person.I am a post op MTF transsexual and alway saw me as a woman.He died in his sleep from a heart attack on January 5th at age 62.Had heart problems for the last two years.It was tough,I am doing better one step at a time.Did see a grief counselor and have support.Support has been from my family,his family,friends and other family members.He was cremated and I spread his ashes over the lake he loved to fish at.He had two good adult sons from a previous marriage that saw me as a great step mom

I am so so sorry for your loss, it hits me afresh each time I see a new one here with their loss.  We welcome you here but sure wish you were enjoying your weekend with him instead of talking to strangers across the country or world on a PC, but you may come to regard us as fast friends/family for that is how we are with each other, sharing/caring.

I was engaged once to a transexual, I didn't know at first, but I valued him as a person regardless of identity, I actually accepted easier than he did, he never did accept it as he fought his preconceived/taught beliefs.  (In the end he broke up with me by FedEx when his mom was dying.)  It's complicated as he eventually took his XW in so she wouldn't be homeless and they're still together today, I'm friends with them still, more with him than her but when he was dying in the hospital, his daughter called me and I came.  Last summer when I had fire evacuation, they offered their home to me!  You know, the superficial stuff really doesn't matter, we get to know people for who they are and love them for themselves.   I hope you will continue to come here to read and post, it helps us process our grief and know there are others that "get it" and understand.  We're all going through this together.

I am so glad your stepsons are in your life still!  One of the most telling things you said was he accepted you as who you are, that is what drew George and I together, we instantly clicked/related, first as friends, and then (as he put it) our "friendship grew wings!"  We are soulmates, death of physical body does nothing to destroy that, it only changes the delivery.  I've read many articles of continuing the relationship now that they are physically gone, it helps to understand that there is still that continuity of the hearts.
Continuing beyond physical death
Continuing Bonds - rituals
Continuing Bonds - WYG
Continuing Relationships
Thinking About Continuing Bonds | Psychology Today
What Is Continuing Bonds Theory in Bereavement? | Cake Blog

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs))) Praying for you today.