I lost my older brother

[Gloria Brammer]

On May 19, I woke up to the worst possible phone call from my mother. My brother was gone. Growing up, we fought all the time. I’m the youngest of four siblings and he is six years older than I am and the only boy. 
Currently, his death is under investigation and we have not received the results of his autopsy but suspect foul play. My brother left behind four children. 
The two girls are not biologically his but he loved them nonetheless and they called him,”daddy.” The oldest girl is nine and the other girl is 7. 
His two sons are three and one. His oldest son has malformations in his skull and cannot speak and relies on ankle braces and hand support for most of his walking. He just started learning sign language, but I actually got him to say,”Hi Jack,” to his brother, the day after their dad passed. 
I have not really been able to cope my brother’s death. I’ve mostly had to take care of everyone else and their kids and have tried using my legal knowledge to look deeper into what has happened. I have had outburst of tears from getting overwhelmed or from when I couldn’t find something I bought for him when we were kids. 
My family does not get to grieve until we know what happened to him and get our justice. We do not get to fully grieve until we know his kids are safe.. 

I have tried not to feel so guilty about not talking to him more. In the recent years my brother has only called or texted because he has needed someone to watch his kids. That’s not easy when one is handicapped and I’m only 21 and very busy. I do not have kids of my own. I am glad that he trusted me enough to care for his kids though. I wish he could call me once more and ask for help. I just wish I knew what to do.. I miss him and this isn’t fair. 
I found my kindergarten journal and I mentioned watching my brother wrestle a lot and how proud I was of him always winning. I remember stealing his wrestling singlets and wrestling all his teammates and playing dodgeball with them at practices. I also remember racing as young kids or jousting on bikes with wooden swords. All of us kids grew up outside and super close. It didn’t matter if we had a fight, we didn’t hold grudges. We could alway pick up talking to each other like nothing ever happened. I just never realized how close we all were until he passed.. We had to lay him to rest next to my uncle and my grandma. The cemetery is located right next to the woods and house we grew up in as kids. You never expect to return back to your roots like that.. 

[Valerie Lockhart]

Dear Gloria,

I'm sorry for your loss. I truly understand your need to want to know how and why your brother died. Getting the information will help you to gain closure. I'm a newspaper editor and investigative reporter, so I know firsthand how unanswered questions can awaken you out of your sleep. I'm sure that you've already spoken to neighbors or people around your brother to see if they saw or know something. Keep on top of the police to keep his case open. The autopsy may resolve some of your concerns. What helped me to cope with my grief of several loved ones is reading the Bible, because it assured me: “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” (Psalm 34:18) I've also found that having a relationship with God can help to cope with the death of a loved one. When I prayed to God for his holy spirit, or active force, it equipped me with “power beyond what is normal” to go from one day to the next. (2 Corinthians 4:7). The help that God gave me made a difference. The Christian apostle Paul stated that God “comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those in any sort of tribulation.” True, divine help does not eliminate the pain, but it can make it easier to bear. That does not mean that I will no longer cry or will forget my loved one. But I recovered. And as I did, what I experienced made me more understanding and sympathetic in helping others to cope with a similar loss.—2 Corinthians 1:4. I hope that you will be encouraged by my message. Don't give up, but don't allow the circumstances to overwhelm you either. I hope that you receive the answers that you are searching for. And may the God of comfort strengthen you during this difficult time.