4 months into it, why does it feels worse?

[Robala]

It has been 4 months since my husband's sudden death, and I cannot say it is getting any better. I have entered a stage where thinking about Chris being gone is so overpowering, numbing and surreal, and puts me in a state of fear and anxiety. His passing is so grand, almost impossible, and makes all our 7 years together feel as they never happened, as is it was only a dream of mine. This feeling overpowers me, especially now when the dust starts to settle, everyone going back to their lives as they know them. My nightmare continues, I never expected this outcome, our life together cut short, and right now I am the one suffering. I hate this new life and I can't imagine my life to get better.

[leamur87]

After I suffered the loss of a loved one it took a while to realise that this horrid feeling in me was not going away. And once I did, I felt worse.

[Kraquin]

I come and go where you are.

It's been two years since my loss and like yours it was the worst possible scenario .... sudden, unexpected ......... "it wasn't supposed to happen this way!"

I also hate this new life. The vacancy of her has removed purpose. I live through the contributions I can make to others happiness. Inside though it's black.

There's no magic words to make it better but I am counting on time to at least dull the pain.    

[John Stewart]

I am sorry to read about your loss, Robala.

I lost my 18yo son 6 years ago and it still cuts pretty deep today. I didn't deal with it very well and Initially, for me, the waves of grief were pretty constant.  As time goes by, I have found the time between those waves increase, making it easier to cope and be productive day to day. The grieving is forever,  but know that it really does get easier. People told me that and I thought they were full of B.S. but it really is true. Know that you are not alone and don't be afraid to  lean on your close friends like I was.

-John

[KayC]

OMG, I am so sorry!  I truly think that has to be one of the hardest losses there is.  I lost my husband/soulmate/best friend nearly 18 years ago on Father's Day and I know it gets easier although no one can say when as our timetables are different, too many factors involved to name.  Yes we continue to miss them, we always will, but life gets better...I've learned to take one day at a time and to look for good in each day.

[christine michelle arvizu]

I hate to say this because I once and still am in that position but I'm afraid it does not get better to me it seems like it's getting worse

[widower2]

It's not uncommon for there to be a "dip" a few months out, give or take...I think it's because it's after all the activity initially, the funeral, paperwork, etc etc..as you say, the dust starts to settle and everyone goes back to their lives, and the reality of it starts to kick in. I can't give you any guarantees, of course, but realistically it will get better.